I’ve always known and hoped that I would be a mom. When I was in Kindergarten, we had a “Star of the Week” program where the star would be interviewed. One of the questions in the interview was “What do you want to be when you grow up?” My immediate answer, firmly stated without any hesitation? “A Mommy.”
What I didn’t know when I was in kindergarten was how hard being a mom can be. My mom made it look so easy. It wasn’t until friends of mine started having kids and then I had kids of my own that I began to understand that being a mom is not all singing, arts and crafts, park playing and sprinkler splashing. From the moment a new baby comes into your life, your role on earth changes and you soon discover that you can’t do it well on your own. It truly does take a village.
Luckily, I have a pretty awesome village… full of great friends and family who truly care about the well being of my kids. Well, and the well being of me too. Some of the best advice from my village has been…
My friend Amy, a week before Jacob was due, told me to skip the pretty PJ’s in the hospital and to opt for either just the standard gown or pajamas you don’t care about getting ruined. “You’re just going to be a big, fat, fluidy mess.”
My friend Ami, when I came to her crying because all the parenting magazines were telling me I was doing everything wrong. “Kris… you have great instincts, but on this one, I don’t get it. If you don’t like what the Parenting magazines are telling you to do, then stop reading the Parenting magazines!” I haven’t picked up one since.
Ami also told me that the first 8 weeks of parenting are a blurry, hormonal hell… something no one dared tell me before. You know what? Especially with the first one, she was right.
My sister, when I called after a rough transition from a money making, working professional to a one income family. “There were times when I dug through the couch cushions to gather up loose change to get milk at the store for the kids. Yes, taking a hit in the bank account is hard, but God tends to provide. What you are doing is worthwhile… the most important job you’ll ever have. No salary, even 10 times the amount you were making, could make up for the work you are doing as a mom.”
My own mom, whenever I call frustrated by parenting… “Kristen… go take a Midol and call me tomorrow. Everything will be fine.”
My friend Sandy, when I mentioned that Nick and I rarely have date nights… “For your kids, you need to invest in your marriage in the exact same way you would your 401K. It’s non-negotiable. Take money from your paycheck and put in a monthly date night fund. Keeping your marriage romantic and alive is the best thing you can do for your kids.”
My friend, Kristen… also a mother of 4… “Now is when you need to put your super woman cape away and start asking for help. People want to help… stop trying to be the hero and let your friends and those who love you help you when you need it!”
My closest friends on the block, when they see me outside, dragging a screaming toddler through the streets to take the others to school… suddenly that morning a Starbucks shows up on my porch or that evening a bottle of wine appears with 2 wine glasses and a listening ear.
I have a wonderful village… and it is because of them that my kids are turning out to be the special, young people they are. The advice of my friends and family, the offers to lend a hand, the straight forward truths they aren’t afraid to share… all of that is something I appreciate more than words could ever express.
Take a moment, like I did, and share an unexpected card with your friends to say thank you. They may not even remember what they’ve said to impact the way you parent, but letting them know you remember will mean the world. Oh… and drop by with wine or coffee. After all, it’s important to keep your village nice and fueled.
Disclosure: I am honored to be a 2012 paid brand ambassador for Hallmark Life is a Special Occasion. All opinions expressed are my own. For special discounts, product offerings and news about Hallmark, feel free to sign up for their newsletter.
What a beautiful post. 🙂 Good to know I’m not the only one who still buy and write cards to my friends and family for special occasion, or for no reason at all. I think taking the time to write someone a card that they can actually hold in their hands is priceless.
I agree – it’s so unusual anymore to get something handwritten in the mail. It truly is a special thing to receive!
Between that sweet picture of you and those words of wisdom from your sister I am a big crying mess. I needed this post today I guess. 🙂
🙂 Hugs, my friend!
What a great post, Kristen… And, as a soon-to-be new mom, there is a lot of great advice! I hope to have a village as helpful and supportive as yours. 🙂
You’ll have such fun with your new baby, Jen… and knowing you, I am sure your friends are just as awesome as you are, so you’ll have lots of loving support!
Hallmark is lucky to have you as an ambassador. This sorta makes me want to run out and buy all these cards immediately. Cant tell you how much I love this post!!
I feel very blessed to work with such a great company. They challenge me to be more thoughtful, write about things that are more meaningful, and to appreciate all those little moments.
Thanks for your kind comment!
So sweet!
Thanks 🙂
Beautiful post (squee, newborn + mommy pic!)! I love your sister’s advice, as well as your mom’s about popping a Midol (um, that’s strange, I’ve been told that a time or two or … hey, who’s counting?)
Anyhoo … your village people rock, as do you! 🙂
🙂 Thanks, friend!
Ah, Kristen, you do have a good village…the one in your neighborhood being all the more important because family is so far away! You are doing a great job! I’m honored that you mentioned me as part of your village. Love you. Mom (And the advice I gave sounds just like the advice my Mom gave me.)
Thanks, Mom… and Kathy said it’s the advice she gives Kennedy too 🙂 PMS advice passed down from generation to generation.
What a fabulous post! Sometimes we don’t realize just how big our “village” is until we look back and take a moment. You have some amazing people in your world!
That is so very true, Patsy!
The photo of you is so precious and the words, oh, each and every one touched my heart. I was a complete mess when I gave birth, thousands of miles away from my mom and sister, with no one to call in the middle of the night.
Your village sounds like the perfect place to raise kids!
Being so far away from people when you are in such a vulnerable state of mind has got to be so hard. I always had my mom or mil stay with me for a week after the baby, but I remember that feeling when my husband went back to work and all the help went away… now what? It was overwhelming, to say the least!
Thanks for the nice comments!
I enjoyed this so much — it brought back lots of memories of similar feelings. I think it was most tough when I had my second — my first wasn’t quite 18 mos. and I had just moved. Plus, I was the first of my friends to have kids, so was without the support of someone close who “got it.” Whoa.
You do have quite the village! Seeing the cards also reminds me how much I used to enjoy writing a real note and sending it through the mail. It’s nice to get them, too.
Thank you, Kelly! My first two were 22 months apart and I remembered being overwhelmed by that. I can’t imagine 18 months and then no one around who had blazed the trail before you. That’s a lot to deal with!
I appreciate your kind comment. I’m lucky to be surrounded by great people, indeed!
Beautiful!!! Even now, with 3 teens and 1 tween, asking for help is still one of the hardest thing for me to do. Then again, if someone offers…well…YES, PLEASE and THANK YOU!!!
It is hard… I always think “I got myself into this mess…why should I burden other people with it”. But, people love to help… you just have to be bold enough to ASK.
I loved everything about this. you have a very wise village. xoxo
Thank you – that Village includes my blogging friends too. 🙂 You are a big part of that with your wisdom!
Absolutely loved this post! What a wonderful, caring group of friends and family you have for support. And…they’re pretty darned lucky to have you as well!
I think we are all lucky, all around 🙂 Thanks, Lana!
TOTALLY wants to make me run out and buy Hallmark cards! Going now to see if there is a store here that carries them!
It DOES take a village — thanks for the reminder to say thank you to our personal village of people!
I hope you find them!!
As a stay at home dad for the past two years, I can relate to your post. Luckily I have an awesome family and I’m even lucky enough to be part of a local moms group!! 🙂
Great post…
That is wonderful that you’ve found your village within the parenting groups. Thanks for the kind words and taking the time to stop by!
Oh friend
<3 HALLMARK MOMENT <3
Seriously, this post.
You are so blessed, and your friends are equally blessed to have you xo
🙂 hehe 🙂 Thanks, friend!
Beautiful, beautiful post. I was asked the same question in Kindergarten and gave the same answer. I love being a mother. Be well, be happy, have fun! XOXO
I love being a mom too… thanks for your kind words 🙂
I can’t imagine life without kids, it would be so boring and quiet! I totally agree and could never do it all by myself. Very thoughtful I loved it.
It’s hard to imagine them not around, isn’t it? I have no idea what I’d do with my time!
Oh my goodness, I LOVE this post! Mommihood is tricky business, but very rewarding.
..Your mom’s comment is too funny!!
Yes, it is indeed!
Thanks for your comment. And yes, gotta love my mom. Always keeping it real 😉
love this. just love it! And if I lived closer I would bring you wine and starbucks or even a diet coke! xoxo
You, are a very good friend 🙂
Beautifully written! I can’t wait to be a mommy 🙂 You sound like a great friend!
It’s a wonderful thing. Thanks so much!
Great post…….I really enjoyed reading. Thanks for reminding me that I need to thank my “village” for all of the help that they have provided.
Absolutely!
This is a wonderful post Kristen. It totally made me tear up because I am leaving behind my support network – all my friends and family – for a new city. I am excited of course but am just beginning to realize how much I have needed my people and how much I will miss them.
Fabulous post and I love your mother’s comment, take a Midol & call me in the a.m. 🙂
Best post ever. I absolutely loved it. When I found out I was pregnant with Gabriel, one of my friends/co-workers wrote me a letter detailing all of the things that no one tells you about being pregnant. She did not have a sister or anyone to tell her all of those things, and she wanted to pass on her new-mommy wisdom to me. The letter made me cry and still has me in tears as I think about it. I love that women only grow kinder, more loving, and definitely more supportive the older that we get. My village is my family, and I consider myself so lucky, so blessed to have them. You, my friend, have an amazing village because YOU are an amazing friend, person, and momma.
I loved this post so very much. Truly it does take a village, and I am so grateful for the friends and family in my life as well. God provides in so many ways: money, food, shelter, love, joy, and of course, friends and family. Thanks for the reminder to write cards to those we love. I think it’s a lost art that I need to get back into.
xoxoxo
Bonnie
Beautiful, Kristen! I love everything you wrote.
It’s interesting how life isn’t really always how we kind of expected it to be (when we were children, teens etc.), but is nevertheless beautiful in other ways.
Thanks for sharing! xo
This. Is. Awesome.
Classic and absolutely great responses and advice lol. I understand each one of those SO much! You’re lucky to have such great friends and family locally to help support you and your family.
Loved this post! I’m definitely in a place where I’m needing that village – it’s so great to be surrounded by wonderful people. (And I remember getting similar advice from my mom starting in high school. Makes me wonder if I’ll say the same to my daughter!! 🙂 )
Kristen,
I loved this post and yes it is true. My mother-in-law told me those wise words when I got married that it truly does take a village to raise a family. I am so happy to see you have one that is very strong in love and spirit. These are hard to come by but when they are found they are true treasures! 😉
Liked on FB. I need this book. I took a class to learn how to use my camera, and while I uersdntood it in theory, I haven’t been able to apply it how I want. Hopefully KD can help!
Dute, zalantzarik gabe, zenbait atsegin iritziak eta ikuspegiak. Zure blog pentsatu social bookmarking botoi batzuk blogs horiek subject.Have begirada fresko bat eskaintzen du. Gutxienez google.I for benetan eskertzen zure webgunean artikuluak. Fina lan bat egiten ari zara! Eskerrik asko.
Baliagarria info. Zorioneko me pertsonalki zure webgunean aurkitu dut ustekabean, baita Iam harritu zergatik zehatz honetan incident didnat gertatu aurretik! Hau gorde dugu