Dear friend,
Hello! Iāve been meaning to write you for quite some time to share a little bit about whatās happening around here. Thereās so much I want to tell you about, but Iāll try to keep it as short as possible so not to take up too much of your day.
Iām just going to come right out with itā¦this past year or so has been a difficult one for me when it comes to blogging. About 5 years ago (coincidentally right around the time my brother passed away), I noticed a shift in my brain. I began having trouble focusing and following through on things or even really caring much about things I formerly cared a lot about. As a former Type A, get stuff done, kind of person, this shift was really hard for me to deal with. Iām not sure if it was the grief, getting older, hormones, or what but there was a definite change I had a hard time dealing with.
A couple of years ago I attributed it to hormones, had a comprehensive blood work panel done and discovered my hormones were really out of whack. My doctor started me on Bioidentical Hormone Replacement Therapy as well as put me on Zoloft (which I guess is a combination that can help with focus and increasing mental capacity). The Zoloft made me a bit of a zombie (I didnāt shed one single tear watching A Dogās Purpose which I feel like was pretty much impossible to do). The HRT made me break out in horrible cystic type acne and I feel like made me a little crazy. Neither one seemed to help with my focus and drive. I stayed on Zoloft for about 3 months and did HRT for 10 months before tapering off.
In the meantime , Iāve continued to struggle. Sitting down at the computer and writing, checking and responding to emails and more gives me a strange kind of anxiety. In addition, you all know how much I love to read, right? Well, I canāt read well anymore. I sit down to read a book and find myself reading the same page over and over and over. As someone who loves to read soooooo much, this was my final straw. I have an appointment on June 4th with a Cognitive Behavior Therapist and cannot wait. I really hope she can help me to get my brain back because I miss reading, writing and connecting with you all.
Anyway, I know it may sound like Iām depressed or not happy and that couldnāt be further from the truth. I feel more balanced and content than I have in a long time. Not being able to focus, read and write is making me depressed, but I wouldnāt say overall Iām depressed.
Itās making me sad that I canāt seem to devote the time I want to to this space, but after reading my friend Julieās blog post about The State of Blogging, it became really clear to me what part of my problem was. I started this blog 12 years ago as a way to connect with people. As a stay at home mom, I loved the interaction you and I used to have after Iād write a blog post. My writing was a lot more fun back thenā¦there wasnāt SEO to worry about, plugins to make sure our blog posts had ājust the right amount of wordsā, pretty perfect Pinterest pictures to worry about, etc. Now when I sit down I feel like there is a checklist 100 miles long I have to go through before even hitting publish. Thatās where my anxiety is coming fromā¦my thoughts are that if I canāt write an SEO, Pinterest perfect, google happy blog post, then why bother? Luckily in this past week I realized these thoughts are trash and Iām going to stop punishing myself by NOT writing a perfect post. Iām just going to write, to you, my friend and work on connecting with you again the way we used to.
Things in my family have changed so much over the past 12 years and this stage of life is really a lot more fun than I ever expected. I canāt wait to tell you about how life is going, more often. My kids are now 16 (and 6ā3ā³!!), 14, 11 and 8. Iāve been cooking so many great things but again, havenāt shared them because they werenāt āpinterest perfectā. Pinterest, SEO and all that is taking a back seat and CONNECTION is now the driver. I hope through these letters we can get to know each other again.
Thanks for reading and write back when you can.
Love,
Kristen
I always find your honesty so incredibly inspiring. I donāt know what the answer to the focus is, but I hope so much that you find it. I know how frustrated I get when I canāt do the things that bring me joy. Thank you again for sharing yourself so openly, it has made a difference in my life.
Thank you, Lisa. I feel really positive about my appointment in June. After talking to another friend who dealt with similar issues, she seems like just the ticket to getting my brain back.
Thank you for always being so supportive. It means so much to me!
I noticed something was going on when I talked to you the last time. You were lacking the usual energy and interest you had earlier. I thought maybe you were having an off day. I am happy that you are going to a specialist in June to help you with this issue. To have an issue for a few months after a sad experience would be normal, but for it to go on this long, it makes sense to see if someone can track it down!
I have been taking those bioidentical hormones for years and have had no issue. If the mix is not correct or what you need, they can adjust certain ingredients. It sounds like your mix was definitely not correct for your body! If you want the name of my hormone specialist who is a Nurse Practioner with a PhD, let me know. She is in Pittsburg KS and I would not trade her for anything in the world!
I was afraid you were going to announce that you were going to stop blogging. I am so happy that is not the case.
Love you, Aunt Rose
Aunt Rose,
I love you so much! Next time, call me out on it š
Iāll see how this CBT goes and then will get the name of your doctor. I know so many people who have had life changing experiences with HRT. Maybe it was the dose or the timingā¦but I definitely know Iāll try it again. Just maybe go a different route.
Miss you!
Yes, you are always inspiring to me!! ????????
Just trying to live life and be someone truthful about it š Thank you, Julie. Love you!
I started reading blogs when they were first becoming āthe thingā and I loved them and still do and subscribe to manyā¦however it now seems sooo uber competitive among bloggers trying to make a living at itā¦perfect picture, perfect sponsors and on and on (and waaaayyy too many pop up ads!). The blogs I enjoy most are ones that make me feel like Iām reading an email from a friend āsharingā and am totally forgiving on whether the picture is perfect. I also understand ābusinessā and were I younger I too may well have started a blog back āwhenā, Iād have been fascinated and earning money chatting ā¦yes right up my alley! But mine would be random thoughts on life, kids, maybe a few recipes tucked in, lots of links to sites I find interestingā¦you get the picture. I give you huge kudos for trying to get to the bottom of your angst but do be more forgiving of yourself in this kkkrazy competitive blog worldā¦.you have me as a reader with your sincerity and openness.
Donna,
Itās crazy how much things have changed, isnāt it? Iāll admit (as I have ads and sponsors) that making a living doing something I love like this has been such a gift to my family. And Iām guessing with that does come a downside ā which Iāve absolutely discovered.
Thank you for your kindness and understanding (and itās never to late for you to start a blog ā let me know if I can help! My mom has one and sheās in her 80ās!).
I guess what Iām realizing is I donāt HAVE to go the way of the competition. I can be perfectly happy making my own path here writing to my friends.
Thanks again!
Love,
Kristen
Please dont feel youre alone anywhere there, I read insatiably, and depression beats me down so badly, I cant focus on a book..Zoloft is in my past, Prozac is my companion now. Not friend.. but I never had a hangover till I missed a Prozac..???????? thise of us who are readers of your blogs understand, I dont believe one person on this rock is free from mental illness. And being a full time mom is exhausting. Best of luck and days to ya..
Jann,
Thanks so much for being so open and honest. I hate that there are so many of us suffering but agree that itās nice to know we arenāt alone.
Iām glad that youāve found what works for you and hopefully in June Iāll start feeling the same way! Thank you so much. I truly appreciate your words.
Kristen
You have always been an inspiration to me. I remember meeting you for the first time and feeling very star struck ā sounds cheesy, I know. But I totally thought you were the coolest and I still do! Fingers crossed for your appt next month. Hopefully there are some answers there. XOXO.
Liz ā
GIRL. Iām the one who should be star struck. Iām so in awe of all youāve accomplished!
Thank you so much for the kind words and well wishes. I hope there are answers there too. Very much!
Kristen
Not being able to be the person I used to be is something that I too struggle with. I hope that the next step helps you get back to you.
Denita,
Itās so hard, isnāt it? I feel like this has been the absolute opposite of the driven, goal oriented, on task person I used to be. Itās true I could have used more balance in my life because I was a little too driven, but stillā¦Iād like a smidge of that back.
I hope you can find your new you soon too.
Love,
Kristen
Yes! <3 Say no to the checklist and just keep communicating š
I am happy you are going to just blog and leave the big checklist behind. Those are the things that make life NO FUN!! Thanks for the family pic. I love it. Love, Aunt Rose
Aunt Rose ā
The bunny ears one was from Easter at Debbieās and the other one was Kellyās Confirmation. I couldnāt get everyone to look at the camera at the same time, per usual. Oh well. š
Me, throwing those checklists out the window š
I love your writing and your honesty! I always connect with something you have written, including what is in this post. Your words, photos and ideas are fantasticā¦ please keep them coming! ā¤ļø
Thank you so much, friend! I miss you!
I have been praying that you find the answers you need. I am proud of you for taking the necessary steps. You know we (HGs) are here for you!
Itās too bad that all the āperfectionismā that seems to now pervade the internet and social media has been taking the joy out of blogging for you. I remember the light in your eyes when you first started and talked about your blog. Keep being who you areā¦it is what makes you special and loved!
Terri ā
Youāve been there since before the very beginning! Thank you so much for always being such a supportive and encouraging friend and for putting up with my crazy brain.
I am so glad weāre friends!
Love,
Kristen
Thank you for keeping us up to date. A lot has happened here too over the last few years. I turned 49 in 2011, and since that time, my energy level has continued to spiral down. So much, in fact, I quit working. Seeing a naturalpath doc, and this came after being diagnosed with RA the end of 2016. Going the route of western medicne was not for me. I write some on the side, but not to the extent I did before this change. So I sure can relate t your story. Wishing you all the best. Looking forward to your updates.
Lisa,
It sounds like you have had a rough few years. I donāt know if Iāve told you but I have RA as well. I was diagnosed when my 3rd child was born. Iāve heard great things about naturalpath doctors and I have one next on my list if this therapist doesnāt work out. Also, I have to share this, but Iāve been taking an over the counter supplement for my RA called MSM. It has been LIFE CHANGING as far as pain and inflammation goes. My friend Amy told me about it and wrote about it here ā> http://www.momadvice.com/post/msm-supplement-to-treat-joint-pain It might be worth a try.
Thank you so much for reaching out and for your kind words. I hope things turn around for both of us very soon!
Love,
Kristen
I love you! <3 I hope you get some answers. Love this postā¦.screw perfection!!!
Rachel,
Exactly! Thatās a hard thing to do but Iām trying to let it all go!
Kristen
This sounds just like grieving to me. Iāve had the same feelings since my husband died almost three years ago. Reading is the one big thing that I canāt seem to do anymore at all. My focus, concentration and comprehension seem to have been affected. Talking with my community, it seems āwidow brainā is really common so maybe itās that? Therapy hasnāt helped with this aspect though. Good luck with you CBT, I really hope you find improvement. If you wouldnāt mind sharing if you find it successful, I would definitely appreciate it. Hugs.
Jenn,
I am so sorry to read about your husband passing. Grief is the absolute worstā¦I had no idea how much it changes a person to their core until I experienced it myself. I think my situation was initially grief related and thatās probably what was at the core, but I feel like in this amount of time thereās got to be something else underlying. If it was my husband, that would be one thing. My brother and I were close but not as close as a lot of siblings I know. Maybe thatās part of it too? Guilt?
Iām sorry therapy hasnāt worked. Iāll keep you posted and will definitely let you know.
Thanks so much for being so open and sharing your experience. Iāll be thinking of you!
Kristen
Love you, friend. We take Evan to CBT, and itās wonderful. I hope that is as helpful for you as it is for him.
Amber,
That gives me such hope. I think Iāve imagined her as a miracle worker, and I hope she is! I have high hopes!
Love,
Kristen
I hope you get answers to your questions. You appear to be strong enough to face things head-on, courageous and true to self. We stand by your side, with you, for support and what ever encouragement you needā¦we are your friendsā¦we care.
Carole
Carole,
Thank you so much. That means the world to me!
Love,
Kristen
You are someone Iāve always admired, Kristen. Youāre being strong and proactive with your health, and Iām proud of you! Keep your head up, and know that youāre doing a great job at all of the things you do. Peace, friend!
Margaret,
Thank you so much. Iām trying but canāt say Iām doing my best at everything, but I am trying.
Thanks for being such a great neighbor. Iām so lucky to have you as a friend!
Love,
Kristen
Iāve always read blogs for their humanity first. Good writing and/or humor is always appreciated. As for the Pinterest perfect everything else? Doesnāt matter. Best to you with the cognitive therapist. I know it doesnāt have to take much for our brains to change who we are and how we approach life!
Kelly,
Thank you so much for being here and for your kind words (and grace for me). I really appreciate it!
Love,
Kristen
I always appreciate your candor and transparency Kristen. I think each you and Julie hit a nail on the head; when we started our blogs to share a favorite recipe and gab about whatever we wanted to it was a simple, authentic, exciting time. So many of the things you listed have bled the joy out of the original reason we started our blogs. I havenāt written about it but have also been on the active hunt to recover my joy because I do love my blog. I think we are all hitting the same point at the same time, and Iām grateful we are doing it together.
Dear Toni,
It makes me sad and both feel better at the same time to know that Iām not the only one struggling right now. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate it!
Love,
Kristen
Iāve learned so much from you over the years and will continue too š Thanks!!!
Gerry,
AWww thank you so much! I really really appreciate your faith in me š
Love,
Kristen
Thank you for sharing this. I miss the days when we would all share recipes that tasted great and perhaps werenāt the most photogenic or high on the Google search list, but mostly I miss connecting. Sending you much love as you continue down the pathā¦
Dear Johnna,
I agreeā¦the connection is where my heart lies and what I miss the most. I know I can find that connection in other ways to fulfill me, but I want to dig it up here again as well.
Thankful for your friendship!
Love,
Kristen
It seems like we all struggle with hormones and mood changes. I just want you to know you are not alone and we all love you so much! Fingers crossed for your appointment. Love, Danijela
Danijela,
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it. Iāll let you know how it goes!
Love,
Kristen
I miss you and I love you, friend. I love your honesty and yes, blogging is so much work now. I just try to write about my passions, and share good food, and guess what? Most of my posts are pictures from my iphone. HA. I donāt really care, I want to tell my story and put up a good recipe. I think that is what my readers want, too. So I agree, good-bye perfection. Hello authenticity! I have loved watching your family grow, and youāre one of the bloggers early on that I still admire so much! XO
Sandy,
Thank you so much for being such a good friend as well as such a bright light in this blogging world! I always appreciate your positivity and support.
Thank you, friend!
Love,
Kristen
You are and always will be inspirational. And as someone who works on anxiety issues every day, this was both an inspiration and a comfort. So thank you for that, and sending all good thoughts your way. ā¤ļø
Dear Kate,
Thank you so much for being so open and honest. I really appreciate the good thoughts and send good thoughts back your way!
Much love,
Kristen
I love you. And while Iāve only physically meet you a few times you are one of those people that inspire me to find more joy, more love and happiness. You inspire me to be kind. This last year was hard. Brutal and yet it was you and a few others who led me out of a dark place and you just didnāt know it. Your inspiring words, amazing photography and following you and your family on Instagram made the hard days lighter. Thanks for lifting me up. And for being who you are. Sorry the struggle has been just that, a struggle and know that even on the hard days and times you are making a difference. Making a difference to me. Love you.
Dear San,
Oh goshā¦most days I think āI wish I could be more like Sandraāā¦and Iām not kidding. You are one of the most thoughtful, positive people I know. Thank you for your kind words. It means so much to me!
Love,
Kristen
Youāre always an inspiration even after all these years! š Now that I finally finished my schooling in OT, Iām going to pick up blogging again part time and try to interact more with my favorite bloggers on their sites. I miss the old days of lots of commenting and writing about life! Thank you for your words, Kristen. xoxo
Nikki,
I am so so so so proud of everything youāve accomplished! I seriously donāt know how you did it but itās incredibly inspiring!
Way to go!!
Love,
Kristen
You know I feel the SAME WAY when it comes to blogging. š
Hope your appointment goes wellā¦you are so good to seek out answers and treatment!
Hope to see you in person sometime soon!
Bridget,
Letās definitely make that happen. OTF class together is a MUST at least, right?
Love,
Kristen
Sending lots of hugs your way. I hope your appointment next month provides some answers for you. I canāt imagine having the feeling of not even wanting to read. I love your 2 minute book reviews. I miss Coffee Talk even more, especially the sharing something good.
I really appreciate your openness and honesty about blogging. I have been feeling very disconnected from some bloggers that I follow. That checklist has really changed the blogging world and not necessarily for the better. I am glad you will be getting back to your roots and blogging because you love it and not feeling the pressure that so many must feel nowadays.
Kristie ā
I miss Coffee Talk SOOOOO much. So much. I just donāt even know how to do it and what platform any more to do it on, but it was my favorite social media thing Iāve done. (And I miss the book chats so much too! I miss reading).
Thank you for your kind words and for being so supportive. I canāt tell you how much that means to me, but it means a ton.
Love,
Kristen
Hi Kristen!
I am not a regular reader of blogs, but years ago, when I was trying to distract myself with some food blogs (and yours was one I had bookmarked) I commented on your post and you responded!! It gave me a little lift at a very dark time. I havenāt read much since (okay, hardly at all in the last few years), but have noted the change in blogs lately, where there are so many pop-ups and ads that I canāt figure out what is going on. I canāt imagine the pressure to make time valuable in more ways than just positive reactions (i.e. ads, etc.). But I will say, I love just plain oleā talk and sharing, so this post was wonderful!!
I am sorry to hear about the focus struggle. I heard once that women who were one time able to multi-task 12 things at one time, feel a sense of failure when they are older and can only multi-task 3. (smile) At 62, I am grateful I can do the 3 and find my ādistraction pilesā all over the house. But the time I was dabbling in them, they gave a momentās peace and presence. Canāt complain about that.
All this to say, (from someone who doesnāt know you except the occasional blog visits on the internet) keep sharing the real you, enjoy the season of ālessā as the enjoyment gives more than the sense of accomplishment can. And know your title drew me in, so you still have it!!
Annette
Dear Annette,
I absolutely love your perspective. I was just telling a friend that I feel so free right now without the pressure of ākeeping upā with my blog. Keeping up isnāt the writing and connecting but all the other stuff that takes valuable time away from what is important in my life.
I will enjoy this season of less, very much. Thank you for putting it that way. Itās a great way to look at it.
Love,
Kristen
Kristen, you literally just put into words what I have been feeling for many years. And my memory is short lived also which Inguess is a good thing when I hear that Iāve disappointed this friend and that friend. Please let us know how the appointment goes in June and I am making an appointment tomorrow to with another doctor besides my endocrinologist to do a full work up on me! Just keep swimmingā¦doesnāt have to be perfect; just as long as you keep your head above water and get to the other side!
Dear Kasey,
Gosh ā I hear you on this one. I feel like the disappointment is the worst side effect to all of this. I hate knowing that Iāve disappointed people who have relied on me for things and I didnāt follow through. The list is probably longer than I want to know.
I hope you made that doctors appointment and I hope you and I can figure this out!
Thanks for sharing.
Love,
Kristen
Dear Kristen,
It is amazing the struggles we encounter in our lives. They are always there, but how we deal with them can give us strength. Your post was very inspirational and made me want to send you a hugā¦SQUEEZE! Now that I am older, (almost 70) my attitude about life has changed tremendously. It is important however, to know it is okay to be who you are today. I no longer strive for perfection, but am happy I am able to show up. I look for the little moments in life to enjoy and that make me smile (like grandchildren). Be patient with yourself and know that sharing your struggles inspires others. Every morning I read one scripture verse and say some prayers and that seems to set my day with a positive note. Take care of yourself and keep sharing. Never stop searching and growing.
Dear Mari,
Thank you thank you thank you! Itās so good to read your perspective and to know that this is totally āokā. Life is so strange sometimes and the way it shifts during the āseasonsā is so fascinating to me. Itās so nice to know that there are people like you who can provide such great perspective of what joy and happiness means to you now.
Your life sounds absolutely lovely and I believe thatās all because of your attitude and the way youāve grown into the person you are now. I appreciate you sharing all of this.
Love,
Kristen
I soooo feel you on this! Itās part of why Iāve mostly not blogged for the last year. It all changed and it wasnāt what I signed on for originally. Iām glad youāre seeing a therapist. Thatās been a huge help for me. Even if itās not obvious, losing the ability to do what you once loved is rough. ???? All my best to you!
Dear Carrie,
You are so right ā I feel like Iām missing a limb or something. Maybe we can take blogging back to how we want it, individually, and still be happy? I took all of those dumb SEO plugins and whatnot off my site to start. I need to just take the pressure off and write and share without getting caught up in all the things that are important to other people. Itās ok to stay in my lane and not changeā¦I just need to remember that.
Thanks for sharing. It was so good to hear from you!
Love,
Kristen
Youāre such a inspiration. I love your writing, itās always so honest and human, in a world where we seem to have lost so much of that. I miss the old blogging days, too but we all know things change and we learn and grow from those changes. I so hope you can find the answers to all of this! Please give me a shout when youāre in Omaha this fall, Iād love to connect. Although, I feel like Iāve known you for years, it would be great o meet over a cup of coffee. Sending much love and hugs!
Julie
Dear Julie,
You can bet weāll have coffee when Iām in Omaha this fall! I am so excited to finally meet you in person.
Thanks for always being so supportive and friendly. It means the world!
Love,
Kristen
Hugs to you dear friend! I know you will find answers, so can I say Iām excited for you? Cannot wait too see more blog posts.
Dear Ally,
Iām excited for me too, so I think itās totally ok for you to say that as well!
Thank you so much for being so supportive š
Love,
Kristen
I say write what you want and forget the rest. I did a long time ago and itās so much more fun to blog now.
Peabody ā
Yesā¦more of that, less of this. Iām all about fun! š
Thanks,
Kristen
I love when you open up in this way. After returning from a conference, I heard a lot of this as well as sponsored work being down. The reason you are still here is because of your authenticity.
Please keep me posted on your health. I did start taking something called Genius Caffeine (ordered through Amazon) and it is helping with concentration a ton. Basically, itās a slow release pill that sustains you through the day without the jitters and ups and downs of coffee. This little tweak is what I needed.
LOVE you mucho.
Amy,
I love how you have managed to stay really true to your brand, site and passions, even with all of the health issues youāve had. I admire that so much and know that I really look up to you and respect you a ton.
Iām absolutely going to check out Genius Caffeine. MSM you told me about has been life altering so I trust you completely (except for that one book you lead me astray onā¦Iāll never let you live that one down š ).
Love you!
Kristen
I feel much the same way about all the āextraā stuff to do with blogging, but that is only part of the reason I am so sporadic. Other life changes have brought me to different places than I was when I first began blogging in 2006. My blog actually still gets a fair amount of traffic, and I do still go answer questions, but I am unlikely to go back to figuring out what hoops we have to jump through to touch base with our audience on a weekly basis. Praying you find the answers you need to get to where you want to be. I think I have seen that you already use oils, and I have found a lot of success with them for some of the kind of struggles youāre having. love ya!
Dear Donalyn,
You have been in it for the long haul too and I totally get where you are at now. I tell people now about blogging that the only thing Iām consistent at is being inconsistent š
Itās so nice to have the space, even if itās just to look back and remember how things used to be and my life when my kids were little. I will never ever get rid of it, but I know that as my life changes, what this space will be will definitely continue to change.
What EOās are you using for focus? Anything specific?
Love,
Kristen
I really miss the old days too. Where I could get up in the morning, see a note on the bathroom mirror from grumpy, and sit down and write about it, only to have a ton of comments about that post because it connected us and people could relate. Itās not like that anymore. Iām happy to see your post and my friend, we have to do what makes us happy and not worry so much about everything else. ā¤ļø
Dear Shelby,
Awwwwā¦those days where weād just come on and share a funny story were the best. There are so many things that happen that Iām like āoh I should blog about itā but then donāt and now those things are distant memories. I guess itās not too late to go back to that! We shall see.
Much love to you! I feel like you are really coming into your own on your blog and are doing such great things. Keep it up!
Love,
Kristen
Perfect post, I feel the very same! (Maybe I need some therapy, too?) Donāt ever leave here. Love catching up. And my boysāalmost 20, 16, 14 and 11. Ahhhh!
Dear Katrina,
How can you possibly already have a 20 year old? Time flies, doesnāt it?
Iāll never leave as long as people like you are here to connect with.
Love,
Kristen
I just love, love, love and adore you! Your honesty and transparency is humbling and heart warming. I feel you! I see you! And I appreciate you! xxxxxx Susan
Dear Susan,
Thank you so much, friend! Iāve watched you through the years follow your dreams and passions amid a busy life of āmommingā and itās so inspiring! Thank you for being one of those strong women I look up to.
Love,
Kristen
Dear Kristen,
I read your letter very carefully.
Iāve been following your blog for years and I agree with you.
When blogs emerged they were purer, authentic, less commercial and standardized.
I prefer those of old!
Iāll be happy to keep following your posts.
I hope everything gets better with your health.
Greetings from a Brazilian woman living in Portugal,
NĆ“
(My English is very bad, translated with Google Translate)
Dear Noemia,
Your English is perfect and Iām so touched that you took the time to write me back. Thank you so much for the kind words and the support. It means so much!
Love,
Kristen
Thank you so much for your honesty and openness. I have so enjoyed reading your blog. Never apologize for āconnectingā rather than providing the āperfectā picture. Relationship is what life is all about, and you do that well. I am happy to hear that you have made an appointment with a specialist. I hope and pray that it brings you the answer(s) you need. It is an awful feeling to lose interest in the things we love, and that seems to bring us down even further. Iām glad that you are taking care of yourself. Weāre not always good at that. I look forward to your future blogs and hopefully positive results from your appointment. Your gentle and down-to-earth style make it feel as though we have been friends forever. That is a gift most bloggers do not have. Kudos!
Dear Toni,
Thank you so much for understanding (and for your incredibly kind words).
I really really appreciate it and am so thankful to have a community with people like you in it!
Love,
Kristen
Thanks for being so open and honest! I have been struggling with hormone issues and anxiety for the past year and am currently trying to figure it all out too! Itās so hard and draining. I feel for you girl!
I also recently started a blog. I find myself being so overwhelmed with all the stuff you need to know to get your blog out there and promoted that I end up not doing anything!
This whole post spoke so much to me! Hang in there girl!! If you want Iād be happy to share what I have been doing to correct my hormone issues. Let me know and Iāll email you. (P.S. Iām not selling anything, I promise)
xoxoxo
Mary
Mary,
I just visited your blog and you are off to a fantastic start! Just keep doing what you are doing (and let me know if you have any questions or anything I can help with).
Thank you so much ā and Iād love to hear whatās working for you! kristen@dineanddish.net
Thank you!
Kristen
Dear Friend,
I miss you too! I stopped following most of the blogs I read several years ago because they changed. I only read 5 now and they all feel authentic to me. (You are one). I donāt want to see perfect, it makes me feel inadequate. Iām going to tell you what I tell my in person friends, I donāt come to see a perfect house or food, I come to see you. I love your Insta and I feel like I get to see little glimpses into your life, but I would love to know more sometimes. I hope you get everything figured out and feel more like yourself soon. Thank you for sharing yourself with all of us.
Lots of love and good wishes,
Michelle
Michelle,
Wow ā Iām so honored to be in your 5. That makes me really happy. I appreciate you sticking around through everything thatās changed and evolved around here.
And you are so rightā¦ I wouldnāt judge any of my friends if I went into their home and it wasnāt perfect. Iād just be happy for the opportunity to connect. Such a fantastic reminder.
Thank you so much!
Love,
Kristen
First, thank you for writing this.
Second, I agree on both things you said. A severe loss has some impact and its kind of hard to pin point what the consequences are. Glad you are trying CBT. I am doing some too and I find at the very least, it helps to get some structure of getting out of the loop that we find ourselves in. And, yeah, I donāt think it is really depression, in the way they clinically describe it (zero motivation to do ANYTHING!) but I feel they miss that there are behavioral changes that we ourselves notice as different from who we were without and that creates its own negative loop because we canāt find why we have changed or how to fix it. Fingers crossed the therapist works for you!! Rooting for ya!
Also, on the blogging! I have lost my mojo too for a couple of years now. I am like, whats the point? There is so little interaction now and I feel nobody really reads or cares if I post. I am trying to change that and post because I want to rather than for someone else but deep down, I feel like I would like some connection š Lets see how this all shapes up!
Dear Asha,
I absolutely agree with you about the fact that there are behavioral changes we notice that creates its own negative loop (I like that term to describe itā¦negative loop).
I just visited your blog and you are still doing such beautiful things. Donāt ever quit!
All the love,
Kristen
Hi Kristen,
I think that many of us are going through this. That connection seems so much harder, like weāre salmon constantly swimming upstream.
First of all our expectations are very high and there is an endless list and trying to keep up with the constant demands of social media and overload is very hard.
Iāve recently returned to my blog with the idea of just being there and doing my own thing without reference to others. If we connect fine, if someone isnāt interested thatās fine too- because itās mine.
Iāll see you here for some connection- because thatās what I really want from a blog! Hang in there!
P.S. I need more contrast to see what Iām typing here. š
Dear Gabi,
As someone who has been in the trenches of this for so long with me, I feel comfort in knowing we are feeling a lot of the same things.
I love your new attitude and need to adopt that for what I do here as well. Itās a great way to take things in the future.
(And thanks for your tip about the contrastā¦I will see if I can figure out how to do that. It is an awful lot of ālight on lightā!
All the best,
Kristen
Dear Kristen,
Iāve been following your blog since the start, I too prefer the old style posts. Youāve always been, and still are an inspiration. It is said, in sharing happiness it is doubled, in sharing grief it is halved. I understand what you are saying. In the past month, I lost both my parents unexpectedly. Beyond the loss of your brother, Iām sure there were other associated losses. I too canāt read, write, or do my photography. I donāt know where the days go. I barely get through my e-mail. Grief manifests differently for everyone. I have five siblings and we are all dealing with it differently. I say throw your lists out the window to mulch the spring flowers. Take your time to heal. Know your fans in cyberspace are cheering for you, and look forward to your next post, when ever it arrives. Have a slice of that Jones Dry aged Apple-wood Smoked Bacon you got me hooked on years ago when you mentioned it.
HUgs, Blaise
Dear Blaise,
Oh friendā¦I am so sorry to hear about the loss of not just one of your parents, but both. How terrible. I was just talking to my mom and we were talking about how when my parents pass away, I just hope they do it at the same time. Then I realized how incredibly difficult that would be to lose to of the most influential people in my life at the same time. I canāt imagine. Iām so sorry. Please reach out if you need to talk. Maybe we could chat and eat bacon together š
Love,
Kristen
Itās kind of like youāre in my brain. Iāve had the hardest time blogging, writing, concentrating, and reading (my former favorite activity). I just started seeing a new therapist and was referred for brainspotting (an offshoot of EMDR). I also just started some mild HRT. I am actually looking into a more systemic BioIdentical route, In the beginning of this year, I started a class(ish) on a Buddhist practice called āA Year to Liveā three months in, I realized that if I really did only have a year left, I would want to find joy again in the things I love. Iād want to focus again, and feel like myself again. I so hope that your CBT helps with whatās going on. Youāre a gem, my friend. Hereās to shining brightly. XO
Dear Sabrina,
It feels nice to know Iām not alone but Iām so sorry you are going through this too. I looked up Brainspotting and wowā¦that is so fascinating. Do you feel like thatās working at all?
Iām going to look up a Year to Live. I know if I had a year to live, the way Iāve been living is definitely not how Iād want to spend it! I need to be more focused and present in lifeā¦right now I feel like Iām in such a fog that Iām just wasting it all away.
Thanks for all these nuggets of good info and thank you for your kind words.
Love,
Kristen
Kristen I am amazed at all the people whose lives you touch with your blog. I remember Mrs Callahan saying āKristen you are one of our best writers ā. It is still true. You touch people with your writing. I am so proud of you. This is your ministry.
Mom,
Thanks for always being my biggest fan. I love you!
Love,
Kristen
Ahhhhā¦Kristen. With all youāve done for our community you above and beyond deserve a pass to take care of yourself first. Weāve become a group of automated zombies who before we even get out of bed have already checked to see if our post went live, scheduled Facebook posts, pinned our newest content, responded to Instagram stories, and donāt even talk to us about email! All before weāve even grabbed our #shotofcoffee . Liren of Kitchen Confidante and i had this exact conversation and what we think it boils down to is the fractured state of iinteraction. Thereās just too many places to have it so Instagram comments trump blog comments and you someone said you should share more on Facebook and google and Pinterest drives the traffic so just focus on SEO searchable terms so whatās the incentive to actually relate as a human anymore? And we all hate that itās devolving to this. But that doesnāt mean we canāt fix it. That we canāt go back to reading, and writing, and sharing, and commenting. One of my favorite things about reading this post is seeing some of my favorite bloggers respond to it too, and seeing what they have to say. Iām with you and so many of the commenters on this post. What haLetās bring it back round to what created our influence ā- our voices! I am planning on it. Love you and your wise ways Kristen. Always.
I yearn for the āgood ole daysātoo. Make it happen girl! I, for one, will truly look forward to it. Cut the crap and just write a good āoldā blog! Iāll be waiting. And, I hope the doctor appointment goes well. Hang in there. We CARE!
I havenāt been here in forever and am now glad that I did. Thanks for this post as it does show that weāre all sort of in the same boat. I started blogging also roughly 12 years ago and things have changed dramatically since than. I struggle with knowing what to write and what not.
I hope your health issues get resolved soon and wish you all the best!
Dear Kristen,
Whenever I want to read a good article I visit your blog, and your heart touching writing skills are exceptional it truly reflects your experience as a blogger.