This time last year I was having a conversation with my husband about my family. “You know? Sometimes I think I would be fine if I just cut contact with some of them.” Of course I didn’t mean it, but I was frustrated. Each year I host our family Christmas and each year, it felt like it was becoming less and less important for people to be here. My brother, Larry, in particular was notorious for never letting me know ahead of time if his family would come, making it difficult for me to plan the amount of food we would need.
I mostly got over my fit in time for our family gathering. We had a great time… Just Dance Competitions, rousing games of Apples to Apples and just hanging out. My brother and his family did show up. I was still feeling annoyed with him though, so I don’t really remember hanging out with him much. I hung out with his kids, but I honestly can’t remember having much interaction with him at all that day.
No one in our family was ill last Christmas. Everyone was healthy and there was no reason for me to believe that things would be any different the next time we all got together. Little did I know that in June 2011 my brother would be diagnosed with cancer and two months later, he would die. I had no idea our next family gathering would be his funeral.
What I wouldn’t give to replay last Christmas… to appreciate the family I have for everything they are. To love them unconditionally and to get over my bratty self and to savor their presence, announced or not, at our family gathering.
Think about your family this Christmas. What would you do differently if you knew someone you loved wasn’t going to be there next year? Is there someone you need to forgive and embrace for who they are? The best gift you can give yourself this Christmas is the gift of family, love and forgiveness. Appreciate the people God has placed in your life, for everything they are, because you never know when it may be your last chance to show them your love.
What a beautiful, heartfelt, and honest post. It’s so true we take our family for granted! My dad has been very ill and just this past month was put on a transplant list, we all know this may be our last holiday with him. I will cherish every moment and know how lucky I am to have each day, and live with no regrets. Thank you!
Thanks for making me think. It’s a fine line between “tough love” and Christlike love. I’m sure your brother understands. Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Thank you so much for this post. Your words ring true, and are a great reminder to savor and cherish the ones we love, and to put others above our own selfish tendencies. I needed this message of forgiveness, so thank you!
Oh Kristen, Im so so sorry! I know this year has been rough. I appreciate your honesty in this post, and your reminder about appreciating what we DO have. Thank you!
I had a big response written…. but it was more of a blog post…you know me!! 😉
I hold my family members, those who will not be sharing another Christmas with us…and those most likely experiencing their last, in my heart. Your loss is so fresh, I hope that you can enjoy this holiday with your family….and not let regrets overshadow your joy in them.
This Christmas I’m also joyful for my “extended family” …this includes you!!
xxoo
Thanks for sharing this. I think I’ll send it to a family member who’s cut herself off from her family for reasons no one understands. There’s a 99 percent chance it will just annoy her and make her even angrier than she is. But I’ll take the 1 percent chance that it will resonate.
Thank you sooo much for this post, and the reminder to never take family for granted.
Life is funny that way, isn’t it? It kicks you when you least expect it. But, remembering your brother and the time you shared is the best you can do. Who knew your brother would pass? No one. So, no regrets and forgive yourself. The universe has its reasons for what happens in your life.
My father’s birthday is the day after Christmas. When he was alive, we never did much because he never wanted us to. After he passed of lung cancer in October 2004, I now take the time to pause and celebrate his birthday. I softly sing Happy Birthday and tell him I love him. It’s the least I can do!
Happy Holidays!
This is a beautiful post in all of its sadness. I can’t imagine how hard it is to have the realization of those loved ones not being able to spend any day with you, let alone the holidays – but I appreciate your message – to not take for granted those we have. I lose my mother several years ago and her birthday is a week before Christmas. We never got together before she passed, but now every year on her birthday my uncle and I get together and celebrate for her. Thank you so much for sharing this post with us. I hope you and your family can find joy in past holiday memories while making new ones this year.
This is something we all should remember. Thinking of you and your family this season, sweet friend.
Agreed. Whole heartedly and with a wee tear in my eye.
xox
Kristen, This is what Christmas should be about. Thank you for this honest, poignant story. You touched my heart.
So important to remember – thank you, Kristen!
I couldn’t agree more Kristen. Wishing you and your family a happy and peaceful Christmas!
Kristen,
I’ve been thinking of you a lot as we’ve been preparing for Christmas.
It’s tough. I’m not going to lie about that. It’s hard to lose someone you love. Some days the grief hits you out of nowhere and other days, you can honestly laugh about funny things they said or did without your heart feeling like it is going to burst.
Your family has been through so much this year. I’m thinking of you all and praying you have a Merry Christmas.
Love you, sweet friend!
I wish I could remember this as much in the moment as I do later. It is so hard to break out of that “brattiness” as you refer to it. So sorry for your loss and I will remember this post when I start heading there.
I’ve had holidays like that; and I still do. I’ve lost a sister, and my mom, and Christmas is such a hard holiday for all of us even though we never talk about it. I know what it’s like to have a hole in your family portrait. I’ve taken more time in the last few years to appreciate what Christmas is really all about. But I can’t make others feel the same way. Still, I’ll treat them with the priority they deserve because I never want to forget what it’s like to lose one of them.
Have a wonderful Christmas with your family, Kristen.
Thank you for sharing this Kristin. Thank you for your honesty, and what an important reminder to us all to cherish our true gifts- the people we love.
An honest thought provoking post Kristen. Thank you for sharing what is in your heart. I am sending you a warm hug full of love from Cape Town and wishing you and your loved ones a Blessed Christmas. May the love and peace of the Christ child fill your hearts and homes. Its tough going through what you are and having to cross milestones. Thoughts and prayers are with you xx
Thank you for writing this post, I’m sure it was difficult to put this up. I know I need a reminder, especially this time of year when things are crazy, to try to be more forgiving and patient.
Thank you, Kristen. Think of all the lives you have blessed today because of your words. Merry Christmas.
All my family are gone except for my husband, an uncle, a cousin and her daughter. I’d give anything to have my folks, grandparents and best friend around our small table…Life is short – share the love today…My heart goes out to you.
Wow. I could have nearly written this myself, only it happened to be the Christmas of 2007. My brother, Jim, had COPD, caught a cold and died of respiratory failure just 8 days into 2008. Even now, 4 Christmases later, I wish I had talked with him and made 100% sure he knew that despite the previous years of tension that I loved him. Hugs to you and your family.
Thanks for the reminder, Kristen! It’s always important to remember what means the most to us, especially around Christmas.
Kristen, What a post to read. Thanks for reminding me what I should be thankful for.
Well put. We just can never know when this time might be the last time. It’s a sentiment we should keep close to our hearts always … my family almost lost someone very recently (thank goodness we didn’t) and it was a huge wake up call. What happens next is really what matters now.
Beautiful Kristen!
Just had the same “convo” with a friend that is having Christmas sibling drama! It’s hard during the Holidays to keep perspective. You are truly a blessed woman and the sharing of your wisdom is definately helpful to all!
I love you and your honesty Kristen………you know I need to make Steve read this!
big hugs to you this Christmas!!!
Such a heartbreaking post, and a very true one. This has been quite a year for you and your family, but you are such a kind and strong woman and they’re lucky to have you. None of us are perfect, but you love them and that is what counts. Merry Christmas Kristen!! You’re all in my prayers.
Your post made me think…people can be so MANY things to us. It is just so complicated sometimes to have any kind of a relationship with others. I guess that’s why I have DOGS.
Thanks for this post. Great reminder. Hugs to you! xoxo
What a sweet and sorrowful reminder. {{hugs}}
Perfect, thank you!
I think about these things a lot, especially since a lot of losses in my family in the last year and a half. You’re so right – we must take every chance we get to be together, to help each other because these chances slip away and never return. I know it will be a tough Christmas for you, but I wish you peace and good health for the holiday season and for next year.
This post was beautiful and really touched me. Many blessings and well wishes to your family.
This was a wonderful post to read especially right here during the holidays. Thanks for the reminder of how we need to love each of our family members.
Oh Kristen- so well said- you brought tears to my eyes. I am still si sorry for your loss this year. And I appreciate you posting this- I will make a point to look at my “annoying” family differently this weekend. I have a tendency toward bratty self moments too – not going to do it this year. Bring them on- cant wait to hang out with and enjoy those I have while I have them. We should apply it to friends too. Miss you guys! Have a Merry Christmas and wonderful new year!
Lovely post Kristen. Thank you.
Beautiful post Kristen. Such true words that we all need to be reminded of. It’s so easy to get caught up in the little things. When we stop and take a step back and look with fresh eyes it’s amazing what you can see. Thanks for the reminder sweet friend. Hugs to you.
Thanks for this gift. It gives us all pause and time to reflect and examine…
Happy Holidays to you and the family.
Kristen, I am so sad for your loss and for how difficult facing this first holiday without your brother must be. Thank you for sharing, for being so honest, and for inspiring us to appreciate those around us.
I write this with a lump in my throat and tears stinging my eyes. Thank you for sharing this Kristen. We all need to take a moment to reflect on what you’ve said so lovingly. I wish you and your family a very special Christmas. I’m sure your brother will be with you.
Simply beautiful. I love your honesty, your kindness, your heart, your compassion, and your huge capacity to love. Hugs, love, and blessings to you this holiday season and always, my sweet friend.
oh, sweet Kristen. big hugs to you.
Thank you for hosting the family Christmas! The expectations for the holidays are so great and somewhat unrealistic. We all want our families to be like a Norman Rockwell painting. I’ll bet even Norman Rockwell’s family had their little glitches. Families are held together by genes and love…and the hope that this year will be perfect! Even if it isn’t perfect, it will be wonderful! Love to you for reminding us that forgiveness is the real reason for the season! We will miss Larry, but we will have his children to remind us that his legacy goes on! We will miss all those who have gone on before and who are watching from Heaven.(I wonder who Grandma is having write her list of attendees!)
Thanks for this brave and beautiful reminder, Kristen. I couldn’t agree more. Danny’s grandmother passed away on New Year’s Eve a few years go back, so the holiday’s never come around without us thinking back to that night.
Life has a funny way of tapping us on the shoulder and reminding us of what’s important. Sometimes too late. We all wish we could turn back the clock and take back things we say in confidence and in frustration. The fact is we’re human, we make mistakes and we learn from them.
Happy holidays to you and your family, Kristen! This is the season for family and loved ones.
I read this to my husband. I am so sorry for your loss. Hopefully we will all remember this post when we get upset this year.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Thank you for reminding all of us how important it is too appreciate our family since we never know how long any of us will be here.
So beautifully written and so very true. Thanks for this important reminder as we often get caught up in the little things this time of the year, rather than savoring what the season is really all about. I am thinking of you, my dear friend, and keeping you and your entire family in my prayers at this bittersweet time. It’s been quite a year for all of you and I hope that 2012 brings nothing but happiness your way. I miss you!! XOXO
Very important reminder for how to live everyday of our lives. Appreciate you sharing this part of you… this part that must still hurt and ache… you are in our prayers. Much love!
What a great post! We all need reminders sometimes. Hugs to you and your family this season!
Thank you so much for the heartfelt reminder of what family is all about. Your post truly touched me; I had tears in my eyes as I was reading it to my husband.
Hugs,
Pam
I needed to hear this message today. Thank you.
Wow! What a powerful post. I didn’t attend a family gathering the week before my brother died because I was mad at my mom. I swore from then on I would attend every one whether I felt like it or not. I missed precious time with my brother that I will never get back.
Thank you for sharing this.
That ceramic tree makes me think of my Grandma. My mom made her one like that over 30 years ago! The sentiment also makes me think of her.
So sorry for your loss. I’m sure this will be a very difficult Christmas for your family, but I hope there is joy as well.
Sniff.
Thank you.
xo
Wow! I’m sure this was very hard for you to write, but know it will make a difference to someone struggling with family or friend issues this Christmas season.
Ya made me cry Kristen as we cherish Bob’s brother, Pat, and his few days left on this earth. May our family embrace, honor and love him for the minutes we do have left this holiday season. And, may you remember the precious memories you have of your brother clear back to your childhood. Merry Christmas to you and your beautiful family. Love you Kristen.
Wow, that really touched my heart. Thank you for your post. A much needed message during this Christmas season.
So well said friend! Life would be so different if we could all just forgive and love each other!
Amazingly written. Thanks for sharing that perspective … your perspective.
Merry Christmas, Kristen!
Regret is a painful thing to live with. But you are so right about letting go of some of the small things that really don’t mean much in the end. Hugs to you and your family!
This is something that’s hard to understand before something tragic happens. I am sorry you and your family had to experience so much this year. I hope and pray that 2012 is healing for you all and this Christmas you remeber the good and also remeber that the should ofs are all forgiven.
Well said. Thanks for the reminder.
Wonderful post. And thanks… I needed that.
wow…timely post. thank you.
This us too true! Sadly my Mom passed away this past March after a 5 year battle with lung cancer. The last Christmas was hard. And I did a lot of tongue biting with a lot of encouragement from my husband. Thankfully I did because I’d give anything to have her back this year!
Thanks for yet another touching and thoughtful post. Cheers and happy holidays to you and yours.
I love you.
Beautiful post, Kristen. I so wish I could take back all of my snotty teenage years. When my mom died, I regretted that so much. (Which I make sure to tell MY almost-13-year-old now.} 😉
Wishing you a merry Christmas…full of your happy memories…and lots of new ones.
Thank you for the beautiful and timely reminder to love unconditionally.
I hope your Christmas is filled with love and warm memories.
Please forgive me. I was concentrating on his immediate family (wife and children) and I did not take into consideration your feelings. I am so sorry for your loss. So sorry I did not say this sooner.
Good grief I’m bawling. Beautiful post Kristen.
First of all I want to say excellent blog! I had a quick question that I’d like to ask if you don’t mind. I was curious to know how you center yourself and clear your thoughts prior to writing. I have had difficulty clearing my thoughts in getting my ideas out. I truly do take pleasure in writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are wasted simply just trying to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or hints? Many thanks!
Hi Shelby –
Thank you so much for your comment. Have you heard of the book Bird by Bird? I highly recommend it. It helped me and is still helping me to become a better writer! Here is a link:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0385480016/ref=as_li_ss_til?tag=culinsnaps-20&camp=0&creative=0&linkCode=as4&creativeASIN=0385480016&adid=000YTSH73HYRTXZG4GDG
Hope that helps!
Kristen
Thank you for this post. I shared it with my facebook and twitter people because it’s something that we need to think about more. It’s so easy to get caught up in all the goings on. Very well said though, and I’m sorry about your brother.
Thanks for sharing it, Bridget!
I am on the other side right now – suffering a relapse of a congenital condition which affects digestion – can’t eat and am on nutritional support. Not sure how much time I have because theres no real cure for this rare condition. I have always treasured time with family and friends so have no regrets.
But am now battling with Dad to stop focusing on my illness and try to spend more time enjoying the time I have now instead of trying to find a solution which doesn’t exist.
Oh Miri… I am so sorry. I hope your dad “hears” you and can focus on you and not your illness. Blessings to you.
I didn’t expect this post. My best friend lost her brother two days ago. It was a long illness, the same way I lost my brother. We knew and we had to time to prepare and repair anything, but it surely taught me. I’m so sorry for you loss. You seem like a good famly. I came here from your daughter and daddy date post and it was heart warming to see that tradition. Merry Christmas to you.
Good post. Very relevant and true.
I am thankful that I got to spend some quality time with my step-father-in-law before he passed. We were able to have a family Thanksgiving, and had hoped to have one last Christmas with him, however the Amyloidosis took him from us the morning of the 8th (exactly 2 weeks ago today). Christmas won’t be the same without his wonderful smile and twinkling eyes, his internal joy and peace. However, we do have the happy memories of a Thanksgiving spent focusing on family and love for one another. God bless his soul, and God bless your brother’s soul as well. Christmas won’t be easy, and though I don’t know you, I am very sorry and saddened to hear about your loss.
That was so stirring in my soul! I have such a hard time during the Holidays, I wish I could be better, this certainly is making me think…Thank you for sharing.
Hi Kristin
Thank you so much for sharing. This is a powerful message, and I’ve felt a desire to get it out to everyone in my life.
You can see I quoted you in my blog here.
http://jamisdelishkitch.blogspot.com/2011/12/merry-christmas-and-happy-holidays.html
I hope you have a wonderful holiday season with your loved ones and take peace in your heart that your brother is in a better place.
XOXO JDK
Kristen, your moving story brought tears to my eyes and made me appreciate even more what I have. And coincidentally I received a greeting card from a woman who used to be my best friend going back 65 years – she married my favorite cousin and the friendship stood intact. Then in the last five or six years she withdrew and after numerous attempts to communicate with her, I gave up. Now I wonder what to do about the greetings after all this time – there is no way to go back to what we had but I feel I should acknowledge the card, although I strongly believe it was sent by her daughter who lives in the same house with her.
I want to wish you and yours all the best for the holiday season and for the New Year – may it be a healthy, happy and prosperous one for you. God bless and thanks for your wonderful blog.
This is such an incredibly moving post and I’ve been thinking about it for the past couple days since I read it.
It’s really made me think and ponder; thank you for this gift.
And I am so very sorry for your loss and having to go through this first holiday season without your brother. I can’t even imagine and I’m so sorry for that.
Wow, that is so sad, and such a blessing to hear that reminder. Have a Merry Christmas Kristen.
Thank you.