Earlier this week, my husband walked in the door from a long day at work and I immediately handed him a drink. “What’s this for?”, he asked. “I needed a drink and I felt guilty drinking alone, so I’ve been waiting anxiously for you to come home so I can have my drink.”
I don’t drink often. I promise I don’t. Especially at home. But on this particular day… this day where I spent the entire day arguing and getting to the end of my rope with my 8 year old, I needed a drink. Yes, I realize how stupidly insane it is to argue with an 8 year old, but I had to. And I most likely will continue to do so. I’m not so smart when learning about things that are stupidly insane to do.
You see, my 8 year old has become a giant know-it-all, about everything. Everything. Things that he has no clue about. Things that he wasn’t involved in. Things that he wasn’t even alive for. It is starting to get a little out of control and it is continuing to drive me crazy.
Do you need an example? Yesterday while we were in the car, my daughter Kelly was talking about something that happened at camp on a tightrope. She was describing the small tightrope and how they harnessed the girls in and let them safely walk across the tightrope. Jacob’s response? “That’s impossible. They did not have a tightrope there.” Kelly and I both responded, “Yes, they did.” Jacob, “No they didn’t.” “We have pictures to prove it, Jacob.” “No, they didn’t have any kind of tightrope at Kelly’s camp” And it went on and on and on. Or he’ll make up some trivia fact that I know is not true, and when I question him and how he knew that, he argues and argues and argues.This happens all.day.long. Non-stop. These are not the best examples, but the examples that were on my mind at the moment.
So, my question to parents, aunts, uncles, caretakers, grandmas, grandpas, friends of know-it-all children… how do you deal with this? I can’t have a drink every time we argue all day (or can I? 🙂 ). I can attempt to try to stop arguing with him, but then do I just let him go around spouting things and acting like he is the gospel word when I know very well what he is saying isn’t fact? And his arguing back is relentless… he does not give up, which brings out the immature kid in me and I keep arguing and arguing and arguing.
If you have any advice as to how to deal with an 8 year old know-it-all, I’d love to hear it. Really. I need your advice, or I may have to resort to drinking alone.
Vodka and Watermelon Cooler (from epicurious.com)
This is a lovely, refreshing, tastes like summer in a glass cocktail.
Yield: Makes 6 drinks
1/2 cup vodka
1/4 cup Triple Sec
3 tablespoons fresh lime juice
In a blender purée the watermelon pieces and strain the purée through a very fine sieve set over a pitcher, discarding the solids. (There should be about 2-1/3 cups juice). Stir in the vodka, the Triple Sec, and the lime juice, pour the cooler into long-stemmed glasses filled with ice cubes, and garnish each drink with a watermelon slice.
That would drive me crazy! Does he do it purposely now to push your buttons?
I can’t wait to try this – one of my favorite drinks is a watermelon martini, so I know I’d love it.
Oh my goodness, Kristen! Maybe you could explain to him that it’s akin to lying, to go on and on about something when you don’t know it to be true/have made it up? That would make me crazy; good luck to you.
The only thing I can think of is to ask him to show you where he got is information. Example: When he says something is true/fact, tell him to proove it with an encyclopedia, dictionary, or trusted internet source. Maybe if you start asking for proof he’ll stop spouting off un-truths.
I have 2 ideas:
1) Very clearly and bluntly tell him that it “hurts your feelings” when he lies / says these things that are untrue. (You might stop short of calling him a liar. But explain to him that because he says those untrue things it makes you sad because you can’t believe him anymore when he might really need something.)
2) Make sure he knows the story of the boy who cried wolf. Possibly re-read the story to him.
One thing also, he has probably realized that he’s getting attention /a rise out of you by doing these things. Anything you can do to keep yourself calm and in control of any emotional reaction will help. The lying all the time is an attention seeking behavior – so if you can overdo it when he really does deserve some positive attention, it can reinforce the good behaviors and hopefully diminsh the untruths! Best of luck, ~Jon
I’d like at least 3 of these right now!! Its only 9:45 here – is that too early?!?
Send him to law school! No doubt, he loves to argue. Jacob is smart and knows a lot of stuff. He’s really having fun pushing your buttons. Don’t respond. Just say, “if you say so, Jacob.” and drop the subject, moving onto something more interesting to you. After a while of his not getting his jollies from irritating you, maybe he will see he is spinning his wheels.
Sounds like a great treat & cocktail. My kids have been know-it all’s since the moment they were born. 6 years old is hard, I can’t imagine 8! xo
Oy. Kids. I’m glad I never was one.
I assume he’s trying to get attention, though. So maybe just ignore it? Or tell him that as long as he makes things up just to be antagonistic, you’re not going to respond to him?
My friends once hid a watermelon filled with vodka in my closet. And then we got so drunk that they forgot about it…until I discovered it the next morning. At which point I definitely didn’t want anything to do with vodka! It’s definitely a classic though.
This looks totally refreshing in so many ways! Make me one. Please.
Logan is kind of like this too. We printed a calendar off the computer, except no month or dates – just the boxes. Every day he has the opportunity to fill in at least 3 of those boxes with a sticker (morning, afternoon, evening). If he mouths off, is mean to sister, or plain just doesn’t do something I ask him do without having to be asked a billion times he loses the opportunity to fill in that box for whatever time of day the incident happened. Is this making sense? He can get extra stickers for doing chores beyond what is normally expected. (i.e. he does some vacuuming or wipes down the kitchen cabinets). When the “calendar” is filled with stickers he gets something special up to $15 – toy, going to the movies, going out for ice cream, etc… It’s not a perfect system but it does help.
Lately he’s been losing opportunities for gaining stickers because he’s had a hard time adjusting back to life after all the traveling lately. But it’s great when we have a day where he gets 2 or 3 stickers. For us this works better than time-outs. Those don’t really make an impression on him anymore. You definitely aren’t alone though. I am sick of a 5 year old acting like he’s the boss all the time.
So refreshing. I think watermelon is my favorite thing about summer!
Well, being that my child doesn’t speak yet, I don’t quite have the parents perspective for advice. I did however have a smart mouthed sister, 14 years my junior, and the best thing I did in this type of situation was not react to it.
This drink looks so refreshing. At some point in time, we all need that little break/drink/bubble bath to relax ourselves from the little ones.
I have no advice for you but a lot of sympathy. Does that help at all? Your son sounds like a handful.
The drink recipe looks terrific! And it has nutritional value. How can that be bad?
As a mother of two gifted sons (who are now grown), I think I would agree with Lauren and just say ‘let’s go look that up’ and use it as a learning experience. At least this would be positive attention instead of arguing and would hopefully be less frustrating for you. Good luck. And I will be trying this recipe tonight with the lovely watermelon in my refrigerator.
I’d just start telling your son even more outlandish things. For example about the tightrope arguement, I’d say something like “if you don’t believe that then you’ll never believe that they had 99 elephants, a spaghetti filled pool, and a spaceship.” Eventually he’ll see that you wont let him just control the conversation and it will frustrate him to hear you going on about such nonsense. He’ll soon figure out that if he contradicts you, you’ll only make it more too easy on him.
Ha, love the conversation in the car! I have no advice for you, my daughter is 18 and most of the time she’s more mature than I am! 😀
Mmmmm…me thinks I need a drink when I get home tonight! 😀
I think Amy’s onto something – try to one-up him with even bigger stories. Maybe he’ll play along with you or just back off from the know-it-allness entirely. Worth a try – I don’t want to have to take you to Betty Ford! I tried something similar with my daughter once – she was acting out and rather than get into an escalated power struggle with her (like I tend to do) I took someone’s advice and just acted really silly. I jumped up and down, waving my arms and was just a total goofball. She was so stunned, she stopped what she was doing and just laughed at me. It also helped diffuse my own heightening frustration.
I second your wise mother’s advice! She’s got lots of classroom experience to draw from!
As a former single mom who raised two sons by herself I sympathize, oh boy do I sympathize. No, you can’t drink every day (bummer!) Any way to avoid any type of response or confrontation whenever the behavior begins so it doesn’t escalate? Then when the dust has settled, having a discussion about his behavior? At which time you might lay out the boundaries and what the consequences will be if/when he starts down that road. Having your husband involved in the conversation also gives the impression of 2 against 1 – OR take another commentor’s suggestion and try to outdo him – although that could backfire and he might end up in the principal’s office to telling tall tales – such a tough call as every kid responds differently.
Sometimes being a mom really bites and even if we can’t give any life-changing solutions, we’re here so you can vent!
First, lets talk about that drink. Wow that looks good!
Second, I’ve noticed that behavior, good or bad, seems to be directly related to what’s going on inside a person. I think that sometimes misbehavior is a symptom of some bigger underlying thing and that thing (problem) has to be cleared up before the misbehavior can go away (could this be possible with him?). But until it does, bad behavior still has to have consequences. Maybe you getting all riled up is actually re-inforcing him to continue because he sees how ‘powerful’ his words are .
Now back to that drink………. 🙂
Anxiously waiting to see what reader suggest…
I have a 7 yr old that is already showing “know it all” symptoms. I am going to put this recipe in my arsenal of I’ve-had-a-trying-day drinks. Thanks!
Wow, I don’t drink much but I would totally drink one of these. Sounds fantastic! I’m bookmarking this for company! Thanks!
It’s clear he’s learning how to push your buttons and get attention. I agree with your assessment that it’s not good to argue with him. It obviously reinforces the behavior and reduces you to the level of an 8 year old. If it were me? I would completely ignore him. I’d give him attention when he does something positive and ignore him when he behaves foolishly. If I felt as though I had to say something it would be simple, repetitive and firm like “that’s not the way we behave.” A broken record followed by ignoring him. But that’s just me.
And as far as acting out while driving? I knew someone who had a good solution. As soon as the kids would escalate, she would, in a relaxed manner- pull the car off the road, open a book and read. When the kids asked what she was doing she calmly said, “it’s too dangerous to drive while you’re yelling, fighting, (name the behavior) so for safety I had to stop. When you’re done and you can behave properly we can be on our way.” It always worked. They got to the point where they begged her to drive and remained perfectly quiet.
For it to work, you can’t let on that they’re getting to you. Easier said than done, right? I think I need the drink now ;>)
I was literally just thinking about a watermelon cocktail. Looks fab!!
Well I’m no help…I say just keep drinking.
Bottoms up! I can totally relate to needing a drink by 5-o-clock. With all the chatter–and sometimes confrentation- around here, Friday can’t come fast enough!
So TGIF! Your cooler looks like it would hit the spot.
I have no advice for that situation other than it will get better. It may take 15 years, but it does get better. You better keep the vodka handy for awhile! 😉
Ummmm.. YUMMY!
Oh, man, my little brother is (was?) the king of know-it-all action when he did not, in fact, know it all. Or anything at all. I don’t know how my parents dealt with it – I mainly dealt with it by telling him in great detail how he was wrong, but then again I’m his older sister and my job is to keep his rampant ego under control.
He’s not as terrible now because now he actually DOES know some stuff. I think he might have done it originally because being younger and also not being so academically inclined, I was always knowing stuff and he was at a disadvantage. But eventually, he grew up and found stuff he really was good at and became knowledgeable about that stuff, so now while he can get a bit unbearable on those topics, he’s at least not making anything up!
I’ve got an 8 year old as well… soon as he turned 8, he suddenly knew everything and decided it was his job to correct his brother (and anyone else who is around). Wish I had a solution for you… I remind him it is not his job to correct his brother… as for the know-it-all, it’s frustrating and I often go to google or somewhere to prove the correct answer (when I have the time or energy), some days I give up after awhile. 😉
Wow, great job here. Awesome picture too! You should really consider submitting this to Recipe4Living’s Summertime Sipper Contest- http://www.recipe4living.com/articles/the_summertime_sipper_recipe_contest.htm
It looks delicious!
I’ve raised my kids alone from the time they were 2 and 6 so I have a lot of experience in what you’re dealing with. And I know EXACTLY what you should do. Except that how can I tell you what to do when I’m also having EXACTLY the same problem with a 26 year old currently back home after graduating from college in the worst year in the history of mankind for college graduates to get a job! Whew!
Seriously, if it were me? I would contact the Super Nanny. Miss Jo always knows what to do and she is so right. Consequences. Don’t yell, explain to him that lying is wrong and put him in time out; I think he would be subject to 8 minutes. Then he has to apologize to you for his storytelling.
If in the car, El hit the nail on the head. Either stop and create a similar consequence or what I did when my two girls, anticipating a fun outing but not without arguing would have happen. I had to be tough enough to not do for them what I knew would be fun and turn the car around and go home.
I think the hardest part is staying the course; find a method, stick to it, even if it means a hassle for you and eventually your little guy will see you mean it, not want to either sit in time out or lose a fun privilege and know his behavior is not getting him what he wants.
In my case…well, all goes out the door when they are her age; so she is in fact going out the door. Lack of respect gets you lack of free rent so she’ moving this weekend into an apartment and NOTHING will more clearly demonstrate how lucky she had it than that…oh, and actually having to watch the dog I didn’t think she needed that has lived with me for the past year!
Oh, but wait…I love that dog. She can stay.
I’m a marriage and family therapist intern and I also teach a parent education class. This post made me crack up because I hear this all the time! This is NOT bad behavior. Developmentally, this is very expected behavior from an 8 year old. Kids are kids and can’t be expected to think and process information at an adult level. Through the teen years and beyond even, kids are still trying to figure out what is right and wrong and how to act. Kids also don’t tolerate stresses in the same way adults do, and what you are describing seems to be an instance of that. Kids don’t have a lot of control over their environment, which is unsettling- for anyone. Starting when kids begin to talk, they quickly learn that they can use words to flex their control and power over a situation. Think of I understand how frustrating it is. The first step is to not react when your 8 year old talks back in some way. I read some of the comments above and I agree- your best move is to reinforce his good behaviors and his sister’s good behaviors as well. It also doesn’t sound necessarily like he is “lying” as much as describing his point of view, which it sounds then like you are immediately telling him that he is wrong. As frustrating as his behaviors may be, make sure you explain “Kelly and I have seen the tightrope, maybe you were too young to use it when you were at the camp.” and leave it at that. It is always in your and your son’s favor to think of behaviors like this as serving some kind of purpose, and it sounds like he is just trying to gain independence and express himself. Be a good role model by encouraging this in other healthy ways!
His talking back seems to be
I just opened this site from google. I am having one of those days, yes (I promise) we do not drink at home, and not alone-what’s the fun?! As I stated in the beginning having one of those days except my youngest of 4 is 26 and oldest is 31 yes you still feel insane arguing with them-that is life and I NEED a refreshing cocktail tonight with Daddy-I’ll let you know how it turns out. This looks just what I was looking for. Thanks
I live by the motto: We teach people how to treat us. So in my own day to day life if someone is treating me a certain way I first ask myself “how have I taught them it’s ok to do this to me?” Love the drink recipe!!!!! Good luck.
I have 3 stepsons…and one of them I call “The Critic”. He is the ultimate “know-it-all”. After 3 1/2 years of cooking for all of them, I decided to try making a mac and cheese casserole. After dishing him up, The Critic said…and I quote! “Can I tell you everything that is wrong with this dish?” I wanted to hurl the casserole dish at him! Instead, I simply said “Yeh, I know it’s dry”…then I laughed. Everytime I take his comments to heart, I lose the opportunity to laugh.
try 1 oz rum, 1/2 lime, splash of triple sec, 3/4 c watermelon, 1/4 t salt. wow!
Oh how I sympathize… my 6 year old Tyler does the same thing. Non stop, every day. Your post really made me smile as today was one of those especially trying days… when I would just like to strangle him sometimes! He lies constantly, blames abosolutely everything on his little brother (I’ve taken to asking him if it’s Mickey’s fault when it rains outside).
He drives me completely bonkers, and it just seems to be getting worse. He can’t seem to do one single thing I ask without arguing about something… totally infuriating.
Please do let me know if you find the magic answer, may save a young child’s life… LOL Kidding, of course.
Hi Kristen! Just wanted to let you know I included this post in a round up for National Watermelon Day. Thanks for the great recipe!
http://allrecipes.com/cook/11541598/blogentry.aspx?postid=281015
Hey there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but after checking through some of the post I realized it’s new
to me. Anyhow, I’m definitely glad I found it and I’ll
be book-marking and checking back frequently!
I used to have the problem with a nephew, now never a problem, whenever he makes any statement of face, I simply say GOOGLE it for me and let me see it…problem solved…sounds like an eight year who wants attention, any kind of attention,…the worst thing to do would be give it to him for the bad behavior, like my husband would say you train them how to treat you and they only do what works…there you go…lol give it a shot…love your blog…so pretty…stop on over at my blog for a visit, I would love to have you…
It’s an remarkable post in favor of all the internet users; they will take
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This sounds so refreshing!! Love this!