Alternate titles for this post:
“How Training For a Half Marathon Has Made Me Dislike Running”
“What the hell is wrong with me and why can’t I stick to anything?”
“Tales of a non-perfectionist, perfectionist”
You get the point. Running and I are not being friends right now. “Well, how can that be?” you ask. “Aren’t you training to run a half-marathon in October? Didn’t you write out all of these lofty goals on your 39th birthday and said you were going to make 39 the best year ever?”
Yes, yes I did… and I have some explaining to do. You see, signing up to run a half marathon was something I did on a whim. It sounded like a good goal at the time, but I really didn’t think it through. Even though I had run 5K’s in the past, I hadn’t ever ran past 3.2 miles and well, to be frank, I am pretty much perfectly fine NEVER running 13 miles. Ever. Of course, I didn’t realize that until I started training for the half marathon and realized just exactly how far 13 miles is! It’s a VERY long ways, people! Very long.
Still, I committed and have been training. I even ran on vacation and kept up with my training then. My problem stems from the day after we returned from vacation. According to my half-marathon training schedule I was slated to run 7 miles. After a week of eating ice cream every day, rich breakfast foods, splurging on all the extras, I was scheduled to run my furthest distance ever, by far. You can probably guess what happened… I got less than half of the way done, felt like I was dying, and I quit. What came next was this self-loathing, disappointed, “you suck and can’t do this” spiral. In my head I knew that my training program was designed to help people finish a half marathon. After failing at one run, I just told myself I can’t do it… and since I failed at that one run I was off schedule and might as well give up. So I did.
I was/am embarrassed, ashamed, and disappointed in myself. I have been terribly overwhelmed at the thought of trying to run that distance again and have decided that running 5 miles, maybe 6, is about as far as I like to run. So what have I been doing? Running hardly at all. Because, if I can’t run the distance the half-marathon training app tells me I should be running, I might as well just not run. Right? Makes sense? No, it doesn’t. It makes no sense at all but that’s just how my brain works. You might be like me if…
- You join Weight Watchers and do a good job counting your points. Then, one morning, you splurge and have an outrageously calorie laden breakfast. You are sure you went way over your points, so, you just stop counting points for the day. Then that spills into the week because you aren’t sure exactly how many of your “extra” weekly points you may have used so you just throw in the towel for the entire week. That one week turns to two and two to three and before long you realize that your donations to Weight Watchers are quite hefty and cancel your membership… for the third time in one year.
- You buy a new planner that starts fresh with August 1st. You were so busy you didn’t get to sit down to write in your planner on August 1st. Weeks pass by and since you missed the first couple of weeks of the month your planner starts, you set it aside only to not use it at all because it isn’t “perfect” not starting it on the date you were designed to start it on. $50 bucks down the drain and a beautiful, empty planner remains sitting on your desk, unused.
- You plan on starting a weekly cleaning regimen. You are supposed to start on Monday, but Monday is crazy busy and you don’t get around to it. You could very easily start on Tuesday, but that’s not “perfect” so you don’t start at all.
- You set out in 2013 to share a weekly menu plan on your blog each Sunday. You missed one Sunday so then quit doing it all together, because that’s logical, right?
- You do a monthly photography prompt for fun. You miss a day and instead of picking up on the next day, you quit completely because it wouldn’t be “perfect” to have a gaping day right in the middle of the month where you forgot to take the picture.
I’m ashamed, angry, annoyed, and unhappy with myself. I am not a perfectionist, so why do I try to live my life in a way where I set expectations upon myself to be perfect? I’m at the point where I need to either buy new clothes, wear sweats 24/7 or get on the flipping wagon and lose some weight. And running will help with that… running 1 mile, 3 miles or 13 miles will HELP with that.
I will be running the half marathon.. well not running, but I will be doing the half marathon and I will cross the finish line, even if it takes me hours and hours.
In the meantime, I’ve joined the free “Live More, Weigh Less” challenge that starts on September 3rd over at Sarah Jenks website. Won’t you join me? (even if you start on the 4th or the 5th or the 15th, that’s ok!) I’m looking forward to going on a journey of self discovery and loving myself again – 30 pounds overweight and all. I’m tired of going all or nothing and repeating the same patterns… I’m ready to accept that sometimes, in between is just fine. I want to let go of the ties to perfection and accept what I can do and am capable of without the self-loathing and pity that comes when I try too hard to live up to the un-realistic expectations I set for myself.
Don’t you?
You’re a constant source of inspiration for me. Thank you for being that.
Love you, friend. <3 <3 <3
Man, I wish we were neighbors. We’d train for that damn half marathon and be successful at losing weight and looking and feeling awesome because we’d support each other each and EVERY day!! (when we weren’t drinking wine and enjoying good food) Maybe we can do it long distance. Get on the phone often and get each other’s butts in gear. If you’re anything like me, I like STRUCTURE. I like being told what to do when. Have a schedule. A checklist. Check things off and get things done. We’ll see how I do this time as my new journey begins tomorrow. And you can do this too, my beautiful friend. Get back on the healthy bandwagon. We both know that we feel FABULOUS when we are on track and doing what we are supposed to do. LET’S DO THIS! XOXO
Pro Tip: Everyone bonks (read: has a really bad run) on at least one — IF NOT MORE — training run. If they tell you that they’ve never bonked, they’re lying. Or on steroids. Anyway, the mid-season training, right where you are right now, feels awful at times. And boring. And you want to quit. And you wonder, “WTF WAS I THINKING.” We all do. This is part of the process.
I bonked last month due to the heat and humidity and the belief that I had run that distance before so I would be absolutely fine. Pride goeth before the fall.
You’ll be just fine. We all will. Promise.
I get it, I do. My half is in less than two weeks, and since I started training twelve weeks ago, it’s been nothing but head games. But I know we can both do it.
I’m right there with you. Believe me you are not alone in your battles – I love structure too. Thanks for the inspiration!
The shame spiral is powerful…like a cyclone. Hold on and ride out the storm!
Love your honesty. I hate running or exercise of any kind. I need to visit that site and make something happen.
PS. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you are awesome in so many ways!!
Yes, yes, yes. You have described me perfectly. Except I’m more at the level of, “Why take one silly walk if I’m not going to commit to an exercise plan? One walk isn’t going to help anything.” Argh. xo
You nailed it!
I had an old fitness trainer (he was a jerk for the most part but one thing stuck with me) when you cheat on your diet be it a few extra nibbles, ice cream, cake or a whole pizza, get over it. Don’t beat yourself up. Make sure all your next meals are on track. Don’t let one “bad” meal spoil the rest of your plan. It would be like dropping your cell phone and it cracks but still works fine but since there’s a crack you go ahead and smash it to pieces since you figure it won’t work anymore anyway. When it would have.
So don’t beat yourself up. You’re perfectly imperfect. Just like every other mom out there that tries to do it all. And with fitness – if you find that you’re forcing yourself to do something you just don’t love and it feels like a chore more than you get to do it because you love it. Don’t do it. Life is too damn short to not do what you love every day. I hate running. I love lifting weights. I love training with kettlebells. I love hiking. I hate cardio machines. So I don’t do what I hate. And the minute something isn’t fun anymore I find something new to do that’s fun. Like taking tennis lessons again. I haven’t played since college and now that my 5 year old is taking lessons so am I. And you know what? I’m having a freaking blast and Im pretty good for not having played in 14 years. So there’s my $.5 cents. I would say two but that was kind of long. Ha ha ha
Once you get into that tornado, it can be hard to pull out. However, when you do it, nothing feels better because you’ve conquered that self-imposed stumbling block. (Written by someone who has been there MANY times.) A huge “hurrah!” to you for deciding to finish that half-marathon, whether running, walking or crawling.
My son has been running regularly, but a couple of weeks ago, he came in feeling dejected. He hadn’t run the distance in the time he was shooting for. My husband and I sat down and told him how many terrible runs we’ve had along the way, and how those runs make the other ones (the ones when you’re having an “on” day) feel incredible. We also reminded him how lucky we are to be able to run…to breathe the fresh air, to pump our arms and legs, to break a sweat. Sometimes it sucks, but sometimes it’s satisfying to the depths of your soul. Don’t be so hard on yourself, my friend. Just put one foot in front of the other and enjoy the process, whatever distance or speed you’re running or walking.
So glad you are joining the challenge Kristen, you are going to love Sarah!
Oh my goodness, you were telling MY story! (But not about 7 miles, but about, um, 1.75…that’s MY story!) I completely relate to the all-0r-nothing mentality that strikes us so easily. I’m so glad I saw your Tweet and hopped over to read this post. It has inspired and encouraged me to try again tomorrow. And you’re right — that WW donation is pretty hefty if I don’t do something with it!
Amen to all of it! Have you been eavesdropping at my house?
I had to laugh at how many times I have started something and didn’t finish it. I want you to know your pictures and blogs make me smile many times. I can’t even hear a Maroon 5 song without thinking of your pictures and the fun you seem to have with your friends at the concerts. So what if you picked the hottest time of the year to train for a race. Take that time and enjoy your life ! When you are ready to lose weight and exercise you will know it. Just enjoy the life you are living! You are perfect just the way you are!
Oh my word! I am SOOO with you on this! I have heard myself say that I love to hate to love to run….or something like that. Right now it’s mostly hate. Sigh. I am going to cross the finish line, too, God willing. 🙂
You are decidedly not making me miss running. At all. I’ll be over here, not working out and not working either because I don’t have the time to make it perfect tonight, so why start? Love you. xo
Oh my gosh, I felt like you were telling the story of my life!
Start Weight Watchers and quit after falling off schedule for a day? Check
Start a running program and quit? Check (Although, I’m back on this wagon and am scheduled to finish a 5K program this week… yahoo!)
Start and quit a weekly cleaning schedule? Check.
The list goes on and on…. it’s good to know I’m not alone! I’m going to go check out that Live More Weigh Less challenge right now. Thanks for a great post that reminded me I ought to cut myself some slack! 🙂
I’m not sure when you went in my head and stole all the words in this post but I think you did!
I’m at the six mile mark in my training and we’ll have to see how next week goes. I am definitely not worried about speed – I do a pretty solid 11-minute mile and can’t imagine getting faster than that when I add SEVEN MILES to the distance I am already running.
Way to go for challenges yourself to do the race, no matter how long it takes to finish, I’m sure you won’t forget the experience anytime soon. it IS really hard to keep with things that aren’t really going as planned, but YOU are so up for the challenge 🙂 I wish it was cooling off at night here to run but 90 is still to hot for me, and the thought of a treadmill is just awful for me, so the elliptical is what I’m doing now. I’m sure you will do great on your race day!
I just checked the box next to each of those things. (Everything except for the crazy moment when you signed up for a marathon, yeah that is not going to happen!) You can do this, girl. I’m off to check out the 28 day challenge now!
Oh, my. We are so much alike here on this topic. Only, I’ve never been brave enough to attempt a 5K. I tried running, and since it tried to kill me (insert overplayed drama here) I quit. Remember that episode of Mad About You where Paul tells Jamie he could handle having a baby? She replies, “Oh, please. You’d have one contraction and kill yourself.” That’s me. I get one pain, one foot issue, one pulled muscle, and I’m out. No thanks, forget Just forget it altogether! 🙂 I, too, have a never-used gym membership, half-started food diaries, and journals I said I’d write but the entries are weeks & weeks worth of dates skipped. I applaud you for sticking with the running. You CAN do this. Maybe not in the time you’d like, and maybe it won’t be as “perfect” as another avid runner, but you CAN. Have fun with it and don’t worry about how much of it you run. Just go and finish. The in-between will be fine, whatever it looks like for YOU. Thanks for sharing your honesty! Good luck.
I have so been that person. If I don’t do something the day that it’s supposed to be done than it throws me all off track, and I won’t want to do it at all. As for running… I would love to be on the bad wagon of running a half marathon, but the truth is I do not want to put pressure on myself sop that I won’t want to do more than a day. I started exercising in June with just yoga. I loved yoga, how strong it made me feel and the sweat that I would work up. I put no pressure on myself. It felt good so if I ended up doing 20 minutes or 75 minutes I enjoyed every moment. Then I started walking on the treadmill. I would walk sometimes at a fast pace,, sometimes at a slower pace, and then I started running at times. I didn’t time myself. I ran when I wanted to and walked when I wanted to. There are times that I know I run longer than 20 minutes at a time, which is really good for me. There are days where I just don’t have the energy and so I walk. I guess the point I am trying to make is to stop putting pressure on yourself. Do what you enjoy. Once you stop feeling like you have to do something, that pressure you build up will slowly start to melt away.
It’s always been my goal to run a half, but I’ve always chickened out and never found ‘the perfect race’ to sign up for to do it. The longest I’ve ever run was 7 miles and it was a miracle day (perfect weather and perfect attitude). You are so amazing to stick to your goal and do it no matter what. You’ll be great! And you totally nailed the ‘perfect planner’ thing. I can’t tell you how many journals and planners I have that I started and never finished. This perfectionist thing is rough. 😉
Love your honesty! I’ve felt that way too, many times. No matter if you run your half marathon or walk it, you will be proud of yourself for doing it!
This describes me as well. You are not alone! I need to loose weight, too, just to be healthy and I’m hoping to get into running soon. I will keep this in mind and try not to care if the way I go about it is not “perfect.”
Best post ever. You are my hero – 1. Because you are always so incredibly honest and vulnerable. 2. Because you are actually running, putting one foot in front of the other and running, one step at a time. Many people (me included) are not runners, so 400 yards, 1 mile, or 13 miles is a huge accomplishment. Love you lots!
Everything you wrote sounds like it came out of my head. I think it’s so easy to just give up when we’ve screwed up the tiniest bit, which you’re right, is so ridiculous! I signed up for the challenge too and I have already started eating mindfully (even though that’s not until later this week). Now I have to go buy my flowers =)
Oh, my sweet friend. This was such a hard post for me to read because of how much I love you and your family. I think you are one of the most giving, sharing, caring, loving, and warm people I have every met in my life. I could care less if you can run two or twelve miles, your house is clean, or you can do downward dog yoga position for 45 minutes. I hope you enjoy Sarah’s project…I can’t wait to hear about it.
I am very good at giving up on things, thinking that if I don’t go whole hog, I shouldn’t bother at all. I think you end up with the right attitude here, Kristin…go and keep going and see what you can do. Did you know I didn’t get my driver’s license until I was 34? Honestly, I tried when I was younger but I never had a car to practice much on and I was so afraid of failing, I gave up trying. Now I wonder what the heck I was so afraid of???
Oh this is me to an absolute T. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve started something and given up as soon as I ‘mess up’. I’ve signed up for the challenge too and I’m determined to complete it whether or not I miss the odd day!
This is exactly how I feel way too often! I am obsessed with making a plan (usually not very well thought out plans) and then going at itfull force. One day of becoming burnt out and I’m done. It’s not a healthy cycle, no matter how good my intentions are. In fact, one of the main reasons I started blogging was to prove to myself that I could commit to something I was passionate about and stick with it… even that is sometimes a struggle. Well I cheers my morning coffee to you and me both! May we set more reasonable goals and expectations in the future, and not beat ourselves up over the small things.
Girl…you sound *just* like me. I could go on and on with many examples. Hello, University of Cookie blog?!? And I hate every run these days. It’s so damn HOT!!! And some dude “cheered” me on the last week as I passed him with a thumbs-up and “you’re doing great.” Can you imagine how bad I must have looked for some stranger to feel like I needed cheering? I’m impressed you even had an *inkling* to do a half-marathon.
Love the post. Checking out the link now. 🙂
What you wrote describes me so well. You’re definitely not alone. Although I would never have the balls so sign up for a half marathon to begin with! So that’s impressive in and of itself! You’re raising 4 beautiful children, nurturing a successful marriage and friendships, running a business, and fostering community in the blog world. Give yourself a break, girl. So many people look up to you as a mentor and an example, I don’t think you even realize it!
With that being said, I’m looking forward to the challenge too — but also scared I won’t follow through. We’ll all have to keep each other accountable.
Love ya!
I love this post!! You already know my story – training for a 5K made me hate running and discover my love of group exercise classes. The only advice I can give you is to forgive yourself. I know it’s cliche and we think we are forgiving ourselves but it’s harder than we think to forgive ourselves. I really think the mind is a huge barrier to achieving the body we want. Your honesty is commendable – I know you are inspiring so many!!
It’s so good to hear that I’m not alone in disappointment in myself over expectations that I alone set—no one else. I tell myself that moving in some way is better than nothing, but oft than not I find myself extremely aggravated that I (again) put off hitting the treadmill. Last week out of frustration I put on my running shoes, turned on the treadmill even though I was packing for a family trip and didn’t have a block of time to run, then I hopped on for a minute at a time, packed a little, ran to the other end of the house to retrieve another item for the suitcase, hopped on again, and so forth. I’m going to try to choose to do what I can even if sometimes it’s little by little. Little by little is better than nothing at all. Hugs to you, my friend! Cheering you on! xoxoxo
Kristen, I can relate to this on so many levels. I love your honesty in this post and I think so many people, especially women, can relate to it! I’m very much a perfectionist and an “all or nothing” kind of person. Most weeks if I don’t get a good workout in on Monday morning, I can just kiss my workouts goodbye for the rest of the week. I hate that about myself!! The half I’m training for right now was a whim-decision and I hated myself for registering for the first 6 weeks of training – until my 8 mile run. My 7 mile run was so, so terrible. It took me forever and it hurt so bad. And then I found someone else to run with and the subsequent long runs haven’t been bad (until this weekend, anyway…) I’m cheering for you, and know that I truly admire you as a person, blogger, mother, and friend! xo
What IS it about the 7 mile run?! That was my breakdown run too!!
My goodness, this is totally me, too. I am a perfectionist, so when things aren’t working out perfectly, I tend to get frustrated and give up the whole dang thing. Which only makes it worse sometimes, argh!
All that to say, kudos to you for even running 5 or 6 miles when you can, as that’s more than I can say (I LOATHE running). Any little bit helps, and I think there is a lot to be said just for having the desire to do something good for yourself. I hope this new challenge will be good for you, too!
Kristen, m’love, how does it feel to know that you have a twin in Wisconsin who is 10 years older than you, and equally disappointed with herself?
I’m sure that our Lord God loves us all the more for our imperfection. ♥
I look forward to growing to love myself as I lose 40 more pounds of myself, and I’m so blessed to be able to share the journey with you!
Girl, get yourself to a yoga class! Give yourself some loving. Doing a half marathon is amazing!! But it is supposed to be fun! Don’t let negative thoughts continue to weigh you down. I also have perfectionism issues, and will be joining you in this challenge you linked to. Because I am at least 20 (and probably 40) pounds overweight, and have set a goal for myself to lose a pound a week for the next 4 months. We’ll see if it actually happens….but please be kind to yourself, do the best you can, but try to find beauty in the imperfection.
Wow, Kristen! Love this post. I can completely relate and I think it’s something many women feel. The need to have everything perfect. An all or nothing philosophy. I’m looking forward to the challenge you mentioned. I signed up for it and received my first email this morning. I think it will be a good reminder to help me refocus, appreciate the “little things” that really matter and stop beating myself up about things I don’t cross off my list while appreciating what I’ve done.
So. You KNOW I can relate to every single word here. It’s amazing that I still run a blog after 2 years. Sure my blog has a less extensive recipe index than most but I’m still chugging along.
And running. You remember my 7 mile training run? It was the beast. I fought off tears through miles 5 through 7. I came home and sobbed in the shower. I hated myself for thinking I could tackle such a lofty goal. I cried and cried until the water started to run cold. And you know what? I wasn’t fast (you know that!). But I DID finish that damn 13.1 miles. I’m glad you are going to keep at it. I want you to experience that feeling you get at 13.2 as your family and friends embrace you and you hobble back to your hotel room. If you’re anything like me there will probably even be another little crying sesh in the shower too. 😉 I love you! Text me anytime. I will remind you why you are doing this. xoxo
Oh my goodness — I relate, I relate, I RELATE. I feel like half of my life is getting really excited about making new goals/resolutions/plans, starting them with gusto, and then falling off the wagon and kicking myself for it. I feel like I’ve made some strides in this over the years, and definitely don’t beat myself up in my mind as much as I used to. But it amazes me that even with enough willpower enough lessons learned through this cycle over the years, it is still so constant in my life. Learning to accept that the perfectioinistic side is neutral — it can be great for me at times, and my worst enemy at times. And during the times when it threatens to make my life worse, thankfully there are friends around to help talk some sense into me to just keep going.
That said, I am so proud of YOU for keeping on going with this! From someone who can no longer run long distances, I have done a few half and full marathon walks, and I want to offer that they are actually REALLY fun! Either way, I hope you don’t underestimate or forget the myriad of other amazing accomplishments that you continue to make day after day as a mom, a wife, a blogger, a friend, and an encourager to all of us. You are a total inspiration, and your life and what you continue to share on here week after week genuinely has changed mine for the better. I’m so grateful for you! 🙂
(And if you’re in KC for this half, spread the word — we’ll come cheer!!!)
Wow. Reading the comments I realize we’re not alone. Is it a woman thing? A mom thing? Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect? I get frustrated with my life a lot lately, questioning myself about many things, and one thing I know is, I don’t want this idea of being perfect, the all or nothing of it, to rub off on my kids. That’s what scares me the most about this “condition”. I want them to enjoy life in all it’s imperfect beauty. I want them to play sports because they like it not to be “the best”. I want them to do their best in school and participate, even if they’re not first in their class. I want them to have role models who enjoy and live life not just get through the days. I guess the only way to do that will be to try and embrace my imperfect self, and enjoy the journey, right?
This is such a familiar mindset for all of us, I think – the all or nothing approach. Who hasn’t been there? This recovering perfectionist has time and time again! What really turned things around for me was focusing on progress, not perfection. Treating each day as a new day to be a better me, to make better choices, to take a step toward my goals. Practicing self-forgiveness is HARD, but like all things, with practice it gets easier.
The other thing that helped me tremendously? Stop forcing myself to do things I thought I “had” to do because other people did it and it worked for them. You have to do what works for you. Ask yourself if you really enjoy running. Are you doing it for you, because you like some part of it or because you want to get better at it, or are you doing it because you feel like it’s the only way to burn enough calories to lose weight? There are a million ways to move your body and get healthier. I’ve learned that if I pick and choose the ones I enjoy it’s SO much easier to keep it up. When I first started working out I hated running, so I walked instead. It got me moving and I actually looked forward to it. Over time my preferences have changed, so I continue to try and discover new things, and rediscover old things that I thought I hated but no longer hate (like running!)
My last bit of advice: when you catch yourself beating yourself up for “failing” or falling off the wagon, stop, take a moment, and then talk to yourself as you would a close friend. You would never berate a friend for having a bad run, for giving up on her running program, or even for putting on some extra weight. You would approach her with kindness and understanding, right? You deserve to treat yourself at least as well as you treat your closest friends, don’t you think? 🙂
Giving up before the fact is a reflexive defense mechanism of the body. I do this even in the silliest of things like asking someone for help. For the fear of hearing a No, I’ll happily just not ask. Of course, rationally, I realise it is not a good idea but my mind will just stay stubborn and mulish! Kicking it out of that tantrum requires a LOT of will and energy! But, recognizing the wily ways of it is the first step to it 🙂
I am so glad you haven’t given up and trying different ways to the same goal! I am cheering you wholeheartedly and loudly from here! Go Kristen!!!
You sound EXACTLY like me! You hit the nail on the head when you said “unrealistic expectations”. I was doing plank a day earlier this year, until I missed a day. Then I felt behind everyone and just stopped. Just one if many examples. I think what I need to finally realize is that sticking with something doesn’t make me a better person and not sticking with something doesn’t make me a worse person. It’s just a decision.
I love you for this. <3
What a great post! I thought I could start a diet while quitting my job, moving and going to my parents for a big cookout during Labor Day Weekend! Let’s just say that I wasn’t strong enough and thought well I already screwed that up might as well quit. Luckily I do want to lose weight but I know that I really need to focus on it and right now I can’t do that until we move this next weekend.
I know it shouldnt, but this brings me to tears. I am struggling… I mean STRUGGLING to lose some baby weight. It is literally weighing me down every single day. I start good… then have one slip up and the rest of the day is shot.
And know what else is funny? Yesterday I joined that challenge. Another friend had posted it on her FB wall and I thought, I can do that. I am GOING to do that! And I love todays challenge. I have to make a special trip to the store to do it and that is just what I need. 🙂
Thanks for the raw honesty! Thanks for the real-ness. Just makes me love ya more!
I’m most definitely not a runner and have certainly never trained for anything but I can so relate to this post. I used to be so like this. I pushed and pushed for things to be “just so.” I thought I had to have a spotless home or why even bother cleaning. I had to have perfectly wrapped gifts for all occasions or why even bother giving. I had to add a minute every day to my walking routine or why even bother walking. I drove myself nuts being a perfectionist. Then one day I realized that no one – NO ONE – cared but me. It didn’t matter if the things I did were not perfect and the only person I was disappointing was myself. Now, I’m not saying that I don’t care any more – I just stopped beating myself up when I thought I hadn’t achieved perfection. And do you know what? It was freeing. Liberating.
Oh, I occasionally find myself slipping back into that perfectionist mindset. I surely do. And when I do, I remind myself of how frustrating that is. Now I simply try to start where I am and do what I can, when I can. And I like it so much better 🙂
Great post lady. I’ve run a couple halfs and I can vouch that that 7 mile run really sucks. The only way I got through it was a running buddy who kinda forced me to get my butt up and go. And I can vouch that crossing that finish line is just as amazing whether you take a snails pace or not.
You are an inspiration to so many people Kristen, me included- and posts like this just seal the deal. 🙂
This is an amazing post, Kristen! And I love you for your honesty. I’ve done multiple full marathons and many halfs and I have quit out on more runs than I care to remember because I just felt awful during them…and I still crossed the finish line. I run for a charity and we have a coach and a team and all too often our coaches remind us that in the scheme of months of running, a few bad runs are not going to make or break your race. Even if that is hard for our sometimes perfectionist selves to realize. It’s funny because I am totally that perfectionist way about weight loss/calorie counting/cleaning my apartment, but not with running or exercising. What I try to remember is that every little bit counts and maybe some days I don’t exercise as much as I’d planned on or wanted to…but that’s still more than most people have done!
I am with you on this, Kristen! What you so eloquently put into words… is the self-talk I hear in my head all. day. long. It’s so frustrating. In the last year, I have become completely vegan, back to vegetarian, to a full blown elimination diet. My exercise has gone from being a runner, to just doing hot yoga… to currently not doing much of anything consistent. I joined Sarah Jenks site when you posted it on FB about a week ago. Excited to focus on a life of adventure and fun, instead of the negative self-talk and guilt. Thanks for the beautiful, candid post! xoxo
I adore you! This post made my day…We are not perfect, nor are we alone in beating ourselves up for our self imposed expectations. It’s totally okay to falter and start anew. Love this post Kristen thank you so much for sharing. Now to dust off my my abandoned planner, refocus on those set aside blog ideas and stick to my crazy No Bread/No Sugar/ No Dairy deal even though I cheated this weekend (wink). Love you lady xoxo
Stopped in, read your post, and applaud you for sharing this with us! I am not good at sticking to a work out regiment/Diet, wait I have to start working out/dieting to even try to stick with it huh!?! LOL So, I can’t say too much on this subject. But, I will say you are amazing, gorgeous and when you are ready you will do whatever you set your mind to do. Hugs from Conroe, TX
Until II read the comments, I was feeling really guilty thinking you had inherited this from me. I am the same way. Remember when I lost 64 pounds….I felt really good about myself and swore I would never let myself gain it back. Well, I did gain a lot of it back. Still weigh 24 pounds less than I did at my heaviest, but I did gain it back, one damnable pound at a time until I thought, well, it doesn’t really matter, I will always be fat. Maybe people will love me anyway, and surprisingly they do even if, at times, I don’t love myself. I started writing the memories of my childhood until I got to the place where it hurt to remember. I then thought well, I will write a fictionalized memoir. I get so far and then quit. I, too, want to be perfect, but I’m not, so I have to live with the fact that I am less than perfect. In fact, I am much less than perfect. But the people who matter, (including you) still love me. So now I have accepted myself, all overweight me, and do things I want to do in increments that are manageable. I have always wondered how you do all you do. You are a great mother, wife, daughter, cook, writer, photographer, and loving friend and encourager to so many. You may not be perfect, but you are a great example of near perfection to your readers. Thank you for this post. You are great!
Yes, I do! huge hugs, Kristen!! You don’t give yourself enough credit. All of the stuff you do do right, how great of a Mom you are and how much you give to so many people. xoxo, dear friend!
I only had time to read a few comments, but I’m sure they all say what I would say. None of us is perfect and I suspect we’ve all beaten ourselves up a time or two about something. You accomplish more in one day than most people do in a week and inspire so many others in the process. You have 4 beautiful children and a wonderful husband who love and adore you no matter what you do or do not finish. As I look around my house and see all the UFOs (un-finished objects/projects), sometimes I just want to sit down and cry (and have). Then I read one of you blogs or facebook statuses and know that sometimes other things (family) matter more. Call me anytime and I’ll remind you that you can “jump in anywhere” and that a journey begins with a single step. I know you would do the same for me!
Apparently you are not alone. It’s such a cuprit to fall off – and not be able to get back on isn’t it??? I sometimes think the rebel in me makes me the opposite. I “trained” for a sprint tri a few years back and learned something huge about myself – I could not/would not follow a group or individual training plan. Mostly because every training session that was scheduled interfered with something else and I just found myself constantly drowning in guilt and pressure. I was always mad at it. I hated checking in with my “plan” and training mates and feeling like I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be doing. It sucked and I didn’t enjoy it at all really. But I loved finishing the race. Yea, I finished and no body cared what my time was. And I got some bling (the bling becomes addicting!) The second time I “trained” for the same race I completely disregarded what my training group was doing and did my own thing. I followed the plan very loosely and made it work for me. 6 training sessions a week – no thank you, how about 4? Same thing for my half marathon. I didn’t follow a plan really, just tried to add a mile a week to the distance I did the week before. No speed training or fancy stuff here. (I will say – I HATED running, until I got past the first 3 miles, my legs felt good at 5 and after that I felt a little fierce and shocked b/c I had never done it before, so I ran on adrenaline I guess you could say). All I tracked was my progress, and not what my non existent training plan said. And you know what?? The longest run I did before my first half was 10 miles, my second – I may have reached 9? Blasphemy right? I figured I will finish one way or another. You will too Kristen. Don’t do the race to make yourself love running, just do it because you want to challenge yourself with something you’ve never done before – and are totally capable of doing.
My pilates teacher (whom I haven’t seen in over a year b/c I stopped going lol) ALWAYS says several times during class – Progress, not Perfection and I swear that always sticks with me in all parts of life. Love ya girl!!
Please, please, PLEASE don’t beat yourself up over this! You are amazing and inspire so many!
yep! I hear ya loud and clear! I’m pretty much the same way… It’s easier to just say forget it! I’m starting Weight Loss Wednesday on Pint Sized Baker and I’ll be putting it all out there to motivate myself and hold myself accountable for the weight loss and goals. I’ll be trying a new way of eating and delving into almond flour and coconut milk. It’s scary, but I can do it. And you can do it too. I’m still trying to work my way up to a 5k. I can totally walk it and run some of it, but nowhere near running ALL of it. Here’s to a new goal – just to get through the day!
I absolutely love how open and honest you are. You tell it how it needs to be told. 🙂 Good luck with all of your goals! You’ve got a crowd cheering you on.
Amen. AMEN. I just spent half of this last weekend trying to figure out why I can start so much stuff but never finish it. And I pulled the same “I am so frustrated I can’t do it” mental game in my last 5k. Which I felt really stupid about when my 2 year old ran the following fun run and had a blast – with no idea how far he was running, how fast or that all he got was a tshirt. Just ran it because “running is fun mommy” – I’m pretty sure his outlook is healthier. Anyway, you should still do the half-marathon (you know those entries aren’t cheap) but just enjoy it. Run some, walk some.
Hang in there, Kristen. I ran my first half marathon in April and found myself hating running as well. But for me, it was because it became a job. I used to run to relieve stress and feel good about myself, but sticking to the training program was more of a chore. And it felt like ALL I did. Not to mention, my fiancé could miss days or weeks at a time and pick up right where he left off. Whereas if I missed a day (let alone a week), I’d take ten steps backwards.
When it finally came time to run the half, the furthest I’d gone was 10 miles. Oh and I had a stomach virus. But I was determined, as I didn’t give up all of those week nights and Sundays to run for nothing! Dave and I decided to run separately and I subsequently had the worst run of my life. I walked every few miles and I came nowhere near my goal time. But when I got to mile marker 12, there was Dave, waiting for me, so we could finish together. He’d blown his own time by at least 20 minutes so that I wouldn’t have to cross the finish line alone. Then I remembered what it was all about for us–accomplishing something new together. What was your reason for doing a half marathon?
I don’t think I’ll ever train for a half marathon again. Like you, I’m happier with lower mileage. I think if you focus on exercise that makes you happy, you’re less apt to get burnt out. I run once or twice a week now, doing yoga and spin class on the other days. Instead of getting discouraged with your running, try changing it up to refresh your mind. Then you’ll feel good because you worked out, even if it wasn’t running the 7 miles you were supposed to that day.
Remember that no matter what, you can do it!
Sarah (sksummers on Instagram)
This should be fun for you. If it isn’t fun, quit. If you need a break from it, whereby you could journal what gives you that spark, and come back to us when you are filled again.. No problem. I get it.
Proud of you. You can do anything. Keep moving and stay positive. Have a great week. You have a beautiful daughter too
I love your openness and honestly about this. I’m proud of you for attempting to do a half marathon. If you decide to continue on… great! if not… you are saving yourself and your sneakers from a lot of pain. xo
Love you sweetie!! I think this is why we are such good friends. We are WAY more alike than we are different and neither of us is afraid to say this isn’t working for me. Like you said, one mile, three miles or seven miles….it all helps. Make a decision to move and it will benefit you. Remember, there’s lots of us who will love you no matter if you ever run another step or not!!!
Love this post so much I could cry. Oh, wait. I am crying. Thank you so much for sharing! Why are we so hard on ourselves?? Going to check out LMWL!
You don’t know me but I love reading your posts. I love your recipes and I love your wit. I think I love this post the most because it made me laugh out loud – because it sounds JUST LIKE ME! I have stopped and started WW more times than I can count this year and I do so well for a while and then for whatever reason I stop caring, go overboard with everything, and then slip into “What is wrong with me?” mode. I’m back on track now (I think). I’m going to go check out the challenge right now-maybe I can stay motivated for 28 more days (and then see where that takes me.) Thanks for the inspiration and together we’ll move forward one step at a time!
P.S. I can hardly drive my car 13 miles – so… I think you’re doing amaaaaazing to run the 5K!
13 miles is a lot! that’s like me running from my house to the Salvation Army downtown! I used to work there and KNOW it’s exactly 13.1 miles!
On a more serious note, I am at a crossroads myself, trying to figure out where I am going to take my life and how to do it with the resources I have available to me in this moment. Maybe more progress will be made with lots of little tiny victories rather than huge unfinished projects staring me in the face.
Oh dear I hear you, oh how I hear you. Let me honestly say this is what makes me like being your friend <3
I love this post and you are awesome. That is all.
I haven’t been good at keeping up reading any blogs lately… but this post came to my inbox and I felt compelled to come visit again! Running and I have never gotten along (sophomore year in HS I got a bruised foot bone because of bad -but cute- shoes in gym and had to wear a -not so cute- medical shoe for pretty much 3 months) so I admire anyone who has dedication to run at all! ;).
As far as the cleaning thing goes, I’m with you! Although I just started a new thing that works for me! I have tasks divided into days (like today – Tuesday is kitchen day – making sure the kitchen is clean and counters, small appliances are wiped down and hand-wash only dishes are done – oh and dishes caught up in general…) and on the day I focus on that room/ set of tasks. The next day I move on – EVEN IF I did nothing the day before. I also have it laminated and check things off so I know the next week if something (who am I kidding, I know what tasks) did not get done the week before. It has given me focus to get things done and not ‘squirrel’ from one thing to another but never get anything done.
Good luck with the weight loss and live more challenge. I wish you luck. The last thought I wanted to share is something I read in a PCOS diet book (one of the best diets I’ve found for me since I have PCOS). It is that we are too hard on ourselves, if we slip up, we need to not hold it against ourselves. Eating dessert tonight should not make me feel so guilty that I don’t eat well tomorrow. In the book they mention a weight loss registry and the people who have lost weight aren’t people who have slipped up, it is those who slip up but continue to try… It is a great mindset to get into – I made a mistake, but I can still do this! Going along with that is one of the best things I’ve heard with diets is the 80/20 or 90/10 rule. You only have to eat healthy/well/according to the diet 80 or 90% of the time and the other 20 or 10% doesn’t matter. Give yourself a break ;).
And good luck!
Maybe some new tunes or a running buddy will help pass the time as your distance increases. (Wish we lived closer so I could run with you, buddy). Also, July and August are hot and muggy… I know I am not too motivated to run then. Maybe September will be just what you need to get back on track. Hang in there, and be proud of all of your accomplishments, both big and small!!
Kristen, it’s like you are writing my story. I just signed up for the challenge. Perfect timing, cause I totally failed my current weight loss plan (that started today), but I am NOT going to let one little hiccup deter me from finishing this time! Oh, and now I am going to take a nice stroll to the store and buy myself some flowers. Thank you for this!! 🙂
Hey, friend. Here’s how I look at it. Life changes on a daily basis and seasons come and go. Even with goals, they change like the wind. You’re staying true to so many things that are important in life. I could go on and on about how I admire you, one being the wonderful Mama you are! Thanks for being authentic and real, and I highly recommend all of Brene Brown’s books. They are fantastic! XOXOX
You are pretty much speaking my mind right now. I’m in a similar situation, as I’m training for a marathon. I’ve run for 15 years and absolutely love it – done a bunch of half marathons and probably well over 100 races. I’ve truly loved getting out each day and moving my body this way, until I now have to move it way more than I want to. I feel totally burnt out and my passion has turned to something I just don’t want to do. The good news is, is that this will pass. It really will. You will have one random long run that you actually feel good for and finish feeling strong, and all of a sudden you will back on board. {This is at least what I’m telling myself} Keep pushing and your running mojo will pop up at some point!
Love your post because I can so relate! I have set a goal of running a half marathon before I turn 40 and I just turned 38 this year so I keep saying I have lots of time, but of course, we know how that goes! Even if I have to crawl across the finish line, I WILL do it and you can too! 🙂
It’s so sad how us women are so hard on each other, always comparing, always thinking that the other persons life is so awesome and ours isn’t. In reality they’re probably feeling just like us. Once you really have someone you can trust and share with you find this out. We really need to learn to respect each other and try to be positive and not try to constantly out best each other. Unfortunately, my mom was raised by a perfectionist and passed it on to me. I know I’m my own worst enemy and could use a few positive friends out there. I bet alot of you feel that way. Kristen thank-you for opening up about yourself , I’m sure it wasn’t that easy to do. And thanks for starting this dialogue.
My very best to you.
I decided to take a break from everything a week ago. No counting points, no tracking, no working out. Why? Cause I’m in burn out. Between personal reasons, work and getting read to go on vacation, well, I’m just burned out. I’m still making good choices when eating I’m just not making it my full focus. When I get back from vacation, I plan on hitting the ground running and start everything back up again (in the 95th percentile, of course). I too, am not perfect 🙂 Thanks for sharing and it’s nice to know there are others out there who struggle. christine
You pretty much just described me to a T. Although I’ve finished half marathons before, I’m always the slowest one and beat myself up about it. I quit so much before I even start. Although I’m sure you’re not happy to hear this, I’m glad I’m not alone. Thanks for being honest. Will check out the Live More Weigh Less challenge.
And, by the way, walking the half marathon counts as doing a half marathon.
I think you should do it either through bloglovin’ or email.
Anyways, it’s okay. Go ahead and take a break! Everyone needs one! 🙂
Girl, I just love you and the way you pour your heart out on here. I am so in the same place right now and can’t wait to head over to the Live More Weigh Loss site!
Kristen, bare with me here. Who cares if you don’t run a half marathon? It’s not the marathon that matters. What matters is that you ran a half mile, then 1 mile, then 2 miles, then 3 miles….what matters is that you disciplined yourself to run at all. So you had a big breakfast and it was hard to run. This happens to everyone. Take a break. Start again in a few days. It’s great to have the goal of the marathon but whether you choose to actually run it isn’t what counts. Your health counts. Physical strength counts. The fact that you are self-disciplined counts. You got up every day and taught yourself how to run. That’s an accomplishment.
To me, goals aren’t things you check off like a grocery list. They’re motivating forces that get us headed in a direction, that allow us to learn about ourselves. Goals take us into directions we may not have considered heading in before. And, in the process of trying to reach the goals we learn. We make mistakes. We form new goals. Ignore the culture. Focus on the journey, not the goal.
Sounds like me with biking this summer. I’ve ridden twice. Two years ago I was riding 40-60 miles a day on the weekends. In a word, I got burned out. I have no motivation and use the excuse of being too tired after work (on my feet for 9 hours). But today I signed up for the Live More Weigh Less challenge. Thanks for the heads-up, Kristin. Today I will go for a walk before dinner. No goal/miles in mind. Just a nice walk.
BTW, I’ve done two Half Marathons. This was back when I was running 5 miles a day on a very regular basis. Both events were rewarding, but wrecked my knees for months. My two cents? Skip the race and sign up for a 10K later this fall. Maybe get one of your kids to run with you. 13 miles is over-rated.
We are our own worst critics! Hats off to you for even registering for a half-marathon and training AND on vacation. Baby steps and doing a little every day with the knowledge that one little misstep won’t derail the entire train is my attitude. So what if you missed a month of menu posts or a day of training? There’s always tomorrow. Every day is a fresh start and a chance for a new beginning – (this is what my husband and I tell each other as the parents of teenagers!!) Your running shoes will be there for you 🙂 and so will your friends.
Repurpose that planner – your kids will love playing “work” with it!!
What a great post! I am sorry you are feeling so bad about yourself. I personally have been enjoying your website and made th Summer Harvest Salad for a family celebrations and it was great. So thank you for making it that much tastier and special. As a person with RA, my energy and pain levels dictate what can and can’t be done in any given day. I still make list and cross things off even though some things just hang around and never get removed, but at least it’s a starting point. Good luck!
I have been burdened with the ‘perfectionist’ thing for as long as I can remember. For those that might think it means we ARE perfect, they should walk a mile in our shoes. That constant striving for perfection has deeper roots and for me, ones I was totally unaware of until a therapist unlocked that secret door of self explanation. My mother was an alcoholic and it’s not unusual for some children of alcoholics (we don’t ALL follow that path) to seek what we never had. The perfect table, the perfect Christmas, the perfectly harmonious existence we never knew as kids. In seeking that, we make life more difficult for ourselves and those around us. I have had to work to let little things slide but it will always be a part of who I am; maybe being more aware of it has helped me let an unmade bed go and a weekend of not cutting the grass not make me miserable though!
I used to run before an injury that changed everything. I ran 3 miles every day for years and never once strived for more; that run was fun and made me feel exhilarated every single day…I knew that taking on more would make it something less. I guess I didn’t feel the need for a challenge for fear it would ruin the experience? I did run in a neighborhood 5K once; I did not win but I beat my friends high school daughter who was on the track team…that was a big win; I was your age!
I wish for you to just give yourself a break; that is my mantra every day. That unmade bed? Everyone survives. The dishes still have to be done and not left in the sink but hey, it’s a learning process!
I have been thinking about this post since you published it. It’s so powerful! I can totally relate to being a perfectionist who drops a project because one little thing didn’t go as planned. This post and all of those comments show we are not alone feeling like this and that we can draw strength from supporting each other. Xoxo
Kristen, I love this post so much! I feel like I found a kindred spirit! 🙂 One big breakfast and those WW points turn into an algebra problem, and well, there you go… Thanks for sharing!
Sigh, I know how you feel all too well. I do the same thing over and over again thinking things will change if I get new running shoes or if I get a new app to count calories, etc. It’s tough!! I’ve been seeing what an inspiration you’ve been to so many people with this new fun program. I’m going to look into it some more. I need to feel better about myself and start to just LIVE and not be so consumed with calories and numbers and sizes and all that! Thanks for this post, Kristen. You always have the best inspirational posts 🙂 xoxo
You are a such a strong and brave woman for writing this and sharing it with us. Thank you. 🙂
Be kind to yourself. Seriously, the encouraging words, compliments, and sympathetic grins should not be reserved for others. We need to use them on ourselves, too. At least that is my take on it. 🙂
Yikes. I can SO relate. About to turn 40 in January…. I’ve set goals — some of the same goals I’ve set every year for the last I-Don’t-Know-How-Many-Years. I do like the weigh less live more approach. Just joined in….. GREAT post!!! Looks like a lot of us are in the same boat.
Ohmahgosh! K, you should not feel shame or be disappointed in yourself. You have so many reasons to be proud of your accomplishments. We sometimes place impossible expectations upon ourselves with regard to goals. Goals can always be reassessed for new priorities at any time. Doing so does not make you weak. I am NOT a runner. This is by choice. I’ve read too much about how the stress damages our bodies and accelerates aging. And, this comes from an athlete who trained for the Olympics in triathlons! We humans were not engineered for long-distance running. We just aren’t. It’s so taxing. No wonder we detest it. We were made to handle healthy sprints and vigorous walks for exercise. But, somehow, the media (Oprah’s influence, too?) perpetuates this “hero” or “super human” status to those who do run and achieve in marathons. In my humble opinion, I think we can embrace the concept of “there are other things I can do for my mind, body and spirit” to be healthy, and succeed at it, for a happy, content and stress-free life. If you do make the decision to run, more power to you. But, if you decide not to run, I hope that you would feel not a single drop of shame. Whatever you decide, it will be the right decision for you. Thanks for sharing your story!
I am 100% with you on this. I have trained and run 3 half marathons in the last 3 years and have been nothing but miserable every time. But I thought I couldn’t call myself a runner if I didn’t do these punishing races. Then I read an article in Runners Magazine that made me feel so much better – you don’t have to run distance to consider yourself a runner. So who cares how you get across that line? Just go for it and then decide what distance (or exercise plan for that matter) works best for you and makes you happy. Also WW, I’ve joined and quit more times than I have finers and toes. I’ve decided I’m a cyclical dieter and that’s just the way I’m going to be. I’m not thrilled with it but I’m happier this way. Good luck on your journey! I hope you find happiness at the end.
So very true! And such a helpful post. “All or nothing thinking” is one of the mental patterns that cognitive-behavioral counselors try to help people break when they’re in treatment for depression so this isn’t just a matter of losing weight. It can be a very serious and helpful step for those deep in the doldrums.
I just happened upon your blog and I am sitting here, in shock, because every aspect of this post resonates with me. I find myself doing all of the things, and until now, I never could put words to how I felt. Thank you so much, because this was my wake-up call.
Great post.
First of all, i am so impressed that you could come out and say that you were struggling with something to everyone (as a perfectionist that is tough!), so congrats! Second of all, do not worry about your running progress. its totally natural to push something away that makes you feel like a failure and puts your mood down. half marathons are tough races and huge accomplishments. If it was going to be easy everyone would do them! LIke everything, running just takes practice and repetition. I ran my first two half marathons this year -before training for them my longest distance run was 7km but it took a lot of time and effort to get there. Getting to that 12 km felt so good though – getting to 5km the first time felt amazing. And i am sure you have felt those running highs before. maybe set your goals as running 5miles, then 7 miles, then 9 miles, etc. instead of focusing on this big looming 21 km (sorry I am from Canada and measure everything in km!). then you get to feel that sense of accomplishment and float on your own little cloud for the day.
looking back, this is actually so pathetic but on the day i was so ecstatic: when i was 15 i started long distance running for the first time. my dad helped me set up a plan. it was very simple and easy. my goal was to run 10km within 6 months so my progression was slow. everything was done by time instead of distance. i was on week 3 or 4 and i was supposed to be running 15 mins (haha-superstar, i know 😉 ) and i ran 17 minutes instead. i was OVER the moon. I called my dad, my mum, my step mum to share the amazing knows (haha!). I told all my siblings and friends. I felt amazing – now 8 years later, i laugh how amazing i thought this achievement was. In all honesty, after your reading your post I have realized that because I had set the bar low I was able to feel that sense of accomplishment and i was soooo motivated to keep kicking ass!!! anyways, keep it girl! better to do something (even a walk around that block!) than nothing! you can do it!!!
This was awesome, and completely speaks to me. I’m totally a non perfectionist perfectionist!! It is such a problem, and love your title, “stop giving it all or nothing” because sometimes half way is all most of us can do! Good for you for still doing the race–it’s ok to walk it some! I trained and ran/jogged/walked a half marathon 2 years ago after only running 5k before, and it is an AMAZING accomplishment. I wowed so many people–especially myself. Keep it up, you can do it;)
I can so relate to this. I had an old boyfriend once call me “the queen of good intentions.” I think he meant it as a compliment, but I’ve always seen it as “the girl who starts everything and never finishes.” I working on being happy because of who I am, not who I want to be, and you- my friend – wrote just the words that I needed to hear tonight.
I could have written this post. I am the same way with the all or nothing. Thanks for the reality check! I also relate to running this way. I love it and I hate it…depends on the week and how training is going. Good luck with your half marathon!
I signed up to run a half marathon on a whim several years ago and I hadn’t run further than a couple of miles in my life. I trained entirely on my own and the morning of my 8 miler (at that point the longest I had ever run before), it started out good and then got terribly bad. I just couldn’t do it. I tried with every ounce of my being and ended up having to have my husband come pick me up, barely making it half way. My point is, I had a rough patch in my training and still went on to run the half and finished it! my point is, YOU CAN DO IT! Keep pushing and the day you cross that finish line you will be so so proud of yourself! Good luck!
I have been feeling exactly this way for a while now. Start something and not finishing, feeling lousy about me and being yes..30 pounds over weight. I feel lazy. This was really nice to read because usually everyone’s life seems perfect online. Thank you hopefully I get passed this and feel better soon!
Thank you so much for your honesty! Its nice to hear from another lady who is dealing with the same things as I am.
I just was linked to this post through another blogger that I like and found that YOU ARE JUST LIKE ME!!!!! We are like twins, I can sense it!!! I can’t believe it. I had planned on running a half at the end of August and mid summer with all the travel and eating I was only getting 6 miles in and that was about all I could give (and enjoy, like you!). Anyway, good news, a week before the race I told myself that if I could run 8 miles I would run the race and just finish when I finish. I wasn’t going to try to break any records. Well, I managed to run 8 that day so I reluctantly signed up for the half. Ran the race on a beautiful and uncharacteristically cool morning and finished like I knew I could. It finished with the worst time I have ever had running a half but I think it was my favorite run because I didn’t put any pressure on myself and was so proud to have overcome my running obstacles over the summer. Keep at it, you can do it! My mantra that I repeated during the run was, “Be strong, there’s work to be done, this race will be won!” It worked!
This post hit home, Kristen! I am a total perfectionist and beat myself up for not following through with my own resolutions. You’re totally right—the all or nothing mentality doesn’t do us any good. Time to accept my shortcomings and set more reasonable expectations.
I so do this all the time… I’m going to head over and check out the 28 day challenge!
Your right it doesn’t matter what day you start on or if you miss a few days.
Buy new clothes, wear sweats (or dresses), or lose some friggin weight! WOW!! I’m right there with ya sister! Been there for 2 years.
I too am training for a half marathon – this weekend I ran the longest I ever had (in my life) 10 miles and it was misery – sheer misery. Even days after that I was super sore and struggled to run four miles. You gotta rest up and just get back out there! You can absolutely do it. If you’re already up to 6 miles just keep adding one more mile every weekend and do shorter runs during the week! You can 100% do this! Go for it girl!
Ahh … sending you a big hug. I have done the same thing so many times. You know how many ideas our blog has had, and some have been executed and then I miss one, and!!! It is tough to keep up with life. Really tough. I blame it on distraction, at least for me. I tried for a marathon once. I made it to week 8, and to be honest, I hated every second. But, I signed up with a friend and pushed through until I got hurt a mile 8. Secretly, I was relived when my doctor told me I did not have the body to run, and shouldn’t be doing so. After recovering, I jumped on a bike and have been happier ever since. I considered it a sign. Maybe it is your sign? At least you can say you tried – that my friend, is never failure!!!
Maybe it’s because it’s Erev Yom Kippur, but I found myself sitting here with tears in my eyes because I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS POST.
Thank you for articulating exactly how I feel so I know I’m not alone–and I love that you’re going the same route I am to try and make things better! I start the Live More Weigh Less challenge in 4 days. 🙂
Hi there! My name is Jessica, and I run a food blog called Floptimism where, every Saturday, I write a Weekend Wrap-Up post to share all of my favorite internet finds from the past week. I wanted to let you know that I absolutely loved this post — it’s such a powerful message to remind people of — so much so that I featured it in my blog’s Weekend Wrap-Up. I’ve included the link to the post in case you’re interested. Thanks for such an inspiring post!
http://www.floptimism.com/2013/09/weekend-wrap-up-highlight-reel.html
Hi Kristen – I realize this comment is way, waaaaay late BUT I just wanted you to know that since I first read this post months & months ago it’s been something that has always been in the back of my mind and gets brought up when I start having any of my perfectionism-based-on-shame moments. It’s amazing how much we can get in our own ways. I love what you said here SO much, and it’s really effected/helped my life. Realized it was very unfair of me to refer to advice so often & never let the advice-giver know so: THANK YOU. We’ve got to stop giving it all or nothing!