Let’s talk friendship, shall we?
I don’t have a best friend. I’ve always been one of those girls to have a lot of good friends but as an adult, not a best girl friend. You know, that one friend you can call up and she’ll drop everything and be there in minutes with chocolate ice cream and wine? Or the first friend you call when something happens to a family member, no matter what the time? I crave that friend who understands and will happily participate in an over night slumber party watching Dirty Dancing, Footloose, Say Anything, St Elmo’s Fire and The Breakfast Club? I have no one to call to come indulge my girlhood fantasies of a Gayle / Oprah type friendship.
I love and adore the friends I have. They are some of the best women in the world and I am so lucky to have them for whatever I can get them for. But a best friend is different, right?
I’m thankful my oldest two kids have found “that friend”. Kelly and Kylee have been friends since they were six months old and that friendship has blossomed through the years. Kylee is Kelly’s “I’ve got your back” girl, and Kelly is the same. Kylee lives 6 houses down from us and I bet most outsiders wouldn’t know that Kylee and Kelly don’t belong in the same house. They are rarely seen apart.
Jacob and Daniel are very much the same way. Daniel is our across the street neighbor and was the one I mentioned in my Project 365 post yesterday. They’ve been friends for almost 7 years now and are such a good match. It’s been fascinating to me to see how a boy best friend relationship works. It’s kind of a cool thing… a mutual understanding and respect that I don’t think a lot of girls have with each other. Either way, I am so glad they have each other.
When I was growing up, my mom used to say all the time to me how proud she was because of the friends I chose. I never knew what she meant by that until I had kids. Friends are important, but best friends… who you chose to spend most of your time with… influence you in a way no one else really can. Being associated with the wrong friend can bring you down. Being surrounded by great people can lift you up. I’m thankful my kids have found their bff match because I know from experience how difficult that is to do. A friend is special, but a best friend? A best friend is a rare and wonderful gift.
I’m going to caveat this with… my husband is my best friend and I am so thankful to have him in my life. He’s my lifeline and who I would call first (or nudge) if something happened in the middle of the night. If I was really nice to him, he may even indulge me in a chick flick movie marathon someday. The friendship I’m referring to in this post is a girlfriend bff. Just wanted to make sure I was clear!
Now, tell me about your best friend, will you? How did you meet? How long have you been friends? How have you nurtured your friendship thorough the years? I want to hear all about it!
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Best friends are the most important thing ever (i think :)). I come from a really BIG family, I have 4 sisters and one brother, and I am the middle child! Its hard to form a strong friendship with anyone after the amazing bond I have with my sisters, they would do anything for me as I would do for them, my phone needs to charge several times a day to keep up with our chats 🙂 Apart from them, I have a best friend I have never actually met in person! I met her on Instagram last year and we have spoken every night ever since! She is just like me in so many ways, and has been my emotional support so often and has allowed me to be there for her as well. She is one of my sisters now too!
I love that your siblings and you are so close. That is awesome!
I also ADORE that you found a BFF via Instagram. That is so cool!! What a neat thing the online world has done for friendships!
I think most kids seem to have best friends and then through the years things pull them apart – school, boys/girls, distance, work, etc. I had a best friend or two back in the day… many many moons ago, but no longer. We’re still friends now but it’s different.
I am with you on the husband being my best friend, however, I do have a girl BFF – Lisa. She’s my second cousin, we went to the same high school (although she was a year older than me) and ended up being roommates in college for a year (I think that’s where we really became bestest friends). For a few years we lived hours (if not a day driving) apart, and it was great because whenever we saw each other it didn’t matter how long it had been since we’d talked, our friendship was never awkward. We now live only a half an hour apart and it is great to be able to see each other often! I know that a best friend is hard to find, and am glad that I have a friend like Lisa.
What makes it even more fun is that she has a son my son’s age and she’s about to have another baby boy in December, so pretty close to my new baby’s age. It is great to have friends for my children whenever we see each other! (She also has a daughter older than my son, but she’s really good at playing with her brother and my son.)
Best friends are grand indeed. I’ve been friends with someone I had never met for TWELVE years. He lives in Australia and we met online. We instantly became friends, through the internet and then pen pals. He finally was in NY this summer and flew down to MV to meet! Best time ever! I can call him up with anything and I know he’s there to support me. My other two best friends came while at culinary school. They’re my girls that I can just sit and chat and pluck our eyebrows together while eating ice cream and watching extreme couponing. #lovethemall
I love your Hallmark posts. I have a best friend, but she lives far away. Not the same. My husband is my best friend too, but it’s just not the same–doesn’t cover the chick-flick, brutal honesty while shopping, and ice cream binge territory.
Hi! I used yo have a best friend but he passed away but he was awesome because he was the kind of friend that would wake up in the middle of the night to pick me up no matter where I was. He really accepted me with all my difficult traits and defects. We met in college taking a summer class and even though we didn’t have the same major we tried to keep in touch as muh as we could! He was and is my best friend of all time!!! I miss him and will always love my best friend!!!
I love this post too. I have a BFF. We met my freshment year at Baylor University, Waco, TX. She lived in Longview, TX. I lived in St. Joe, MO. Little did we know, but her cousin was one of my best friends growing up. Small world! We have been through college, jobs, marriages, babies, illness, and death of parents. We talk every morning during the week at 6:15am on our way to work. It is our way to start the day! She is my favorite person to travel with (besides my husband and family). We make the effort to see each other a couple of times of year (she lives in Texas, me in KC). Pam has truly blessed my life!
*raises paw * Oooooooooooo…SIC EM BEARS! This made my night, although you’re prob a lot older than I am. 🙂 I didn’t get to have a bff while there though.
Well, my best friend is Natalia. We met in kindergarden, but started our friendship at 4th grade. Since then, 1995, we’ve been best friends. Even though I went to live to Philadelphia for 2 years on 2008, and she is now at Canada, we are still best friends and tell each other everything, from the worst of trouble to the funniest things that happen to us every day. It’s awesome to have someone you can count on, every day of your life. And we’ve been for so much together, that we have a special link, kind of sisters (even when I have two sisters), and adventures companions LOL. =) Loved your post, thanks for sharing!
My best friend is also my big sister… And believe me, I know how blessed that makes me! We have always been close, she practically raised me as our mum was seriously ill when were growing up, but now that we’re older we have become equals… And on occasion she lets the roles reverse! We now live in separate cities, but have lunchtime ‘phone dates’ every week, text randomly and constantly, have frequent girls weekends together and once a year go on holiday together (sometime letting our husbands tag along)! Our husbands they are like two peas in a pod and love all the time the 4 of us spend together… Which is just as well, because they don’t get much choice about it! When I was ten I gave my sister a little pocket card that said “my sister, my best friend” and had a silly little verse on it… What I didn’t know was that she kept this in her purse for the next 15 years until I got married and she gave it back to me on my hen day (which she threw for me, as chief bridesmaid, obviously!). I think that says it all 🙂 I wish everyone could be as blessed as I am to have her!
Oh, how I love this post! Aaaaand, you know what? My husband is also my best friend and, well, I really needed to read this post right now. Thanks, Kristen 🙂
Just recently I became a part of a group of girls that I consider my BFFs. It’s so different for me since I haven’t had this type of relationship since elementary school. But of course, my husband is my best friend, too, but I’m so thankful to have some girls I can call (well, text) anytime and they really hear me.
I met my BFF in high school, in fencing class. We still joke about that. We’ve been inseparable for about 30 years, despite all the boyfriends that tried to break us up! We still live only a few blocks apart and see each other on a regular basis. In fact, she’s dropping off some lasagna for me today (because we cook for each other too!)
I have several BFFs, one i’ve been friends with since 4th grade, the other is someone from high school when I moved across the country. I am still very close with these girls, and several others from law school. I have different friends who would come running or who would be my first call depending on the situation; but one friend in particular, someone I met as an adult, is someone who I could call day or night and she’d drop everything for me.
Maybe it’s by virtue of both of us being single that we have this kind of relationship since my emotional energy is not taken up by a significant other. My friendships do change when someone gets in a serious relationship and I believe that as we get older it gets harder to maintain more than one intimate relationship.
When I was in 4th grade, a classmate, Courtney, called me up and asked if I would go to the mall with her. I remember putting the phone down & asking my mom if I could go. My mom said yes, but I said I didn’t know if I wanted to go. I said I don’t know her very well & I didn’t know what we’d talk about. My mom told me to go and maybe, just maybe, we’d become good friends. I’m 38 years old now and Court has been my best friend ever since 4th grade. We’ve moved around the country (she moved to Milwaukee for college, then Arizona, then Chicago, and I moved to NYC then San Diego) but that hasn’t stopped us from being there for each other. I can’t imagine if I would have said no to that mall trip!
I had that one, wonderful best friend in high school and unfortunately our lives drifted apart during college. These days, I do have a nice, supportive group of fellow mom friends, but along with getting older and having busier lives and many responsibilities – plus social media – it seems like the landscape of “best friends” has changed probably for many women.
I don’t have a best girlfriend either. I have some really close girlfriends and I love them dearly. I’ve always wanted one of those types of friends.
I’m 60 and my best friend ‘pushed herself’ on me when I was in grade 3. I was new to the school and handing out a handful (that’s all we could afford to invite) of invitations to my birthday party. Brenda came right up and asked why she wasn’t invited. I had no answer but we had never even talked at that point. She invited herself and came. We’ve been friends ever since. She’s the only constant in my life. We live thousands of miles apart but we still make sure we keep in touch.
Like you, I have lots of girlfriends. Many of whom I could call in the middle of the night, or call if I have exciting news, but I don’t consider any of them my BEST friend. My husband is my best friend, but I don’t have one girlfriend who falls into that category. It kind of bums me out, as I did have best friends while I was growing up. Do you think we’re just too busy with work and family? I try to nurture my friendships, hoping one will develop into the type that could be consider a bestie, but so far no luck. Most of my girlfriends are super busy with their lives, too.
wow as I read this and the comments, I realize how much I feel the same way. I have girlfriends that I sometimes am with but I dont have that someone they portray in movies as the person you call and what not. When Ashlyn died the person I would say is my BF (since 7th grade) did step up better than anyone else and get my through but when something similar happened to her she shut down. It was heart breaking because I wanted that movie like bond with someone and to be honest I still do, but I think maybe as we grow up its a bit harder to have when we have a family.
I just found your blog! The recipes look great, and this was a great post for my first visit 🙂
I don’t really have a best friend. But I’m jealous of people who do, and I sort of claim to have one (or two) anyway. My closest friend and I have been friends since 9th grade biology. We went to college together and were roommates the last two years. We moved to LA the same day to teach in inner city public schools. We moved to the midwest at the same time (but sadly not the same city) to go back to school. In some ways we’re really different, but we have a lot of important stuff in common. Long phone calls and the occasional visit are our crucial friendship nurturers. Thanks for letting me brag about her 🙂
Like you, my husband is my best friend. 🙂 I have a number of good girlfriends who I see at least once a week – playgroup, girls nights, gym, school dropoff, etc. I think because I met most of them around the same time as adults they’re all kind of on the same “friend level” so to speak. We each drop what we’re doing to help each other out, which is terrific. There are probably a few who are a little closer than others, but that’s to be expected. I haven’t had a true best girlfriend since high school. No matter – I’ve conditioned Mike to join me for Project Runway and Real Housewives and he knows we always walk into Anthropologie at the mall, lol. 🙂
Best friends are so important and for a little while there, I didn’t really have a best friend and right now I feel so fortunate to have a few best friends who are so supportive of me and yes I can call on them if I needed help or someone to talk to.
So glad your daughter has one and I hope some day soon you find your best friend, other than your husband of course!
I too have been without a best girlfriend most of my life. I have friends but not “that” friend. Until 3 years ago. We moved to Arizona and the first person I met was a girl named Valerie. We instantly hit it off and have been through so much together, the last three years, we will be forever friends. She just moved across the country and I miss her daily. Thank goodness for FaceTime and girls trips!
My BFF and I have been friends for 35 years. I moved away 6 years ago and it’s hard but we’ve remained BFF’s despite the distance. My husband has become my local best friend, he’ll even humor me with a chick flick (once in a while).
So great to see our kids make those friendships as they grow up, they learn so much!
You have no idea how much I needed this post right now. This very topic has been on my mind a lot recently but I’m not sure why. I still have friends from high school and college that I keep in touch with but the nearest ones are 45 minutes away and I’m the only one without kids and we’ve just drifted a part. Not that we don’t still care about each other but life just happens and then you wake up one day feeling like you have nobody. Yes, there is the husband, but there’s something special about a best girlfriend. I’m an only child and have always been on the shy, quiet side so it takes me a long time to truly open up with people so now it feels like a chore to break in a new BFF if that makes sense. And it’s not something you can force, it just seems to happen when you meet the right person. I don’t know…
You have no idea how much I needed this post right now. This very topic has been on my mind a lot recently but I’m not sure why. I still have friends from high school and college that I keep in touch with but the nearest ones are 45 minutes away and I’m the only one without kids and we’ve just drifted a part. Not that we don’t still care about each other but life just happens and then you wake up one day feeling like you have nobody.
My BFF and I have been friends for 35 years. I moved away 6 years ago and it’s hard but we’ve remained BFF’s despite the distance. My husband has become my local best friend, he’ll even humor me with a chick flick (once in a while).
A best friend sings your song for you when you can’t remember the words. And watches your sisters adorable, amazing, super fun kids so you can have them stay with you!
Kristen
I feel the same way. I always envy seeing my friends have close best friends, but I have a close friend at work and I value our friendship. But as an adult since my life is already hectic with family and work, I always think someone else is just as busy and dont have time to hang out.
I love these photos of your kids with their best friends. It’s a great feeling when you feel like your child is armed with a best buddy to help them through the world. It is amazing that as we age, get out of college, marry, have children of our own, many times we grow apart from the best friends we’ve had since childhood. I was just thinking about that at an event that I went to with my best friend from second grade through high school. I married. She didn’t. I have children. She doesn’t. She flies internationally for a living. I’m very content at home or with my family in the RV. But even though our lives are now so very different than they were when we were practically inseparable, there is still that lifelong connection there with us. I could still call her at a moment’s notice. It just might take her a week to get home from Japan! 🙂
A while back, I’d gotten a bit down that I didn’t have a “Best Friend.” My list for the special someone seemed simple – someone that lived in my town, had children about the same age, had a similar sense of humor, and “got me”. Looking back, that is a fairly tall order.
I’ve since learned that your best friends do not necessarily have to live in your town. Even though mine lives in another state, I still text her photos of outfits and shoes and hairstyles, etc. for her opinion. And the gabbing? Oh yeah, we still go on and on about nothing. And you know, that’s really everything.
Okay, so I’ve just realized I have written a book as a comment! 🙂
Great post! Like you, my best friend is my partner (boyfriend) but I wish I had a girl best friend. I was always the sports girl who loved to talk sports and didn’t know what to talk to girls about. Once I hit high school when it would be a perfect time to be able to blossom those girl friendships, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I was only at school to go to class and then I would leave every lunch to be with my mom. I missed that BFF opportunity. Now as an adult I wish there was an easy way to find that connection. Although I have faith that my BFF will pop into my life right when I need her the post 🙂
-Michelle
My BFF and I met when she taught a scrapbooking class I went to – it wasn’t till a year later that we really got to know each other and now I can’t imagine life without her. She has seen me through every up and down in almost 13 years! She’s one of the few people in my life that I can completely be myself with and feel like she’s not judging me. She is a rare find indeed!
My best friend, Stephanie, AKA, “Lady” and I were thrown together through the computer and Loyola University Chicago. We were roomates our freshman and 1/2 of sophomore year (until I moved back home). We are now 37, I am married with 2 kids, she is in the process of a divorce with 2 kids. My kids call her Aunt Lady and have forgotten that her real name is Stephanie. Her kids call me Aunt Lady and probably don’t know I have a real name too. She is the one woman I know I can count on. I have other friends but have made them over the course of years because of my kids. I have a group of friends who I have known through the internet since my son was born. We were an ivillage group of November 99er’s who have all stayed in touch through the internet. I have met a few in person, but mainly they are friends through the use of technology. I have one son and one daughter and watching their personalities and the friends they choose have been amazing too.
Shel
I am so blessed to still meet up regularly with some of my childhood friends. I am hoping that for my children too!
I too have been without a best girlfriend most of my life. I have friends but not “that” friend. Until 3 years ago. We moved to Arizona and the first person I met was a girl named Valerie. We instantly hit it off and have been through so much together, the last three years, we will be forever friends. She just moved across the country and I miss her daily. Thank goodness for FaceTime and girls trips!
I’m so thankful for my best friend Jackie. As she posted earlier we met our Freshman year in college. We have maintained a friendship for 32 years celebrating, encouraging, laughing and crying together and becoming closer than most sisters along the way. I am so blessed to have Jackie in my life. I look forward to our morning chats on the drive to work. I wish for everyone a BFF like Jackie. All women deserve that in life.
I don’t really have a best girlfriend either, and reading these, it seems like maybe this is an invention from fiction and movies – at least the idea that EVERYONE has one! Some women have that and some don’t. I’ve got close friends, I’ve got close friends I’ve grown apart from, and some of the candidates for “best girlfriend” I’ve thought of have been guys… I don’t feel left out or friendless at all, though. Some people concentrate their friendship on one person, and others spread it out among a larger group, and I do the latter.
I’ve got to admit that I’m in the same boat.
I’ve had best girl friends when I was younger, three girls that did everything together. But each of us moving out of state kills a best friendship when you’re younger. This was back when you could only write snail mail and there was no internet or cell phones or the technology to keep in touch well. (Yes, I am still friends with said childhood friends, but we are no longer the best “best” friends we once were.)
My college best girl friends that I have are all over the place. We live all over the United States. Nowadays, we connect a few times a year for the major events (birthdays, weddings, babies, holidays, etc.) along with the few phone calls/emails/packages, but as close as we are, it’s hard to say that we are the best of friends like we were in college.
Sadly, my bestest friend ever was my ex-boyfriend. We were together for practically ten years and after our break-up, while we remain friends to this day, our closeness has dissipated. My current relationship does not quite compare, but there are plenty of years to grow our relationship, not that I’m comparing the two completely different relationships. Then again, these don’t really count since we’re speaking about best girl friends right?
Lovely post Kristen. My BFF and I have been BFFs since we were 5 years old, after meeting in grade 1 (we are now both almost 28). As we’ve gotten older, life has gotten in the way of us spending as much time together as we once did (she just moved home after living in New York for 4 years – I visited her once each year!), but we talk at least once every day, whether it be on the phone or via text message. I am so lucky to have her!
My best friend’s name is Neha. We met 13 years ago in Junior High (we are now 26). We’ve been inseparable since then. We’ve had our ups and downs but always talk things thru (communication is key). She is my go-to girl to share happy news, sad news, to vent, and to hangout. It’s a mutual thing.
We both believe that a friend should challenge you to become better, be there to support you, have respect for you, be a good listener. We’ve followed this and are still learning. There is no one like her, no one that can replace her. Our friendship has grown, matured, and now we are more like family.
Aw…great post! My BFF and I have been ‘soulmates’ since we were 15 years old. Now we’re 34/35. She’s lived in Dubai for almost 5 years now and comes home to visit each summer for several weeks. When she plans her trip home, we always commit to weekly dinners at the place where she and her family stay. We meet every week to drink wine, eat fabulous food, read stories to her kids and pick up right where we left off. We laugh, talk about how our husbands drive us nuts and just cherish every minute we have together. She and her family just returned to Dubai a couple of weeks ago and I miss her like crazy. She’s family and I love her dearly no matter how far apart in distance we may be.
Great post!! I adore reading about, talking about, and writing about friendship. I truly think it’s the stuff that makes the world go ’round.
I literally can’t thank the universe enough for the friends I am so fortunate to have. I have friends from when I was 3, 13, 17, 23, 30, etc. etc. I think we build a huge and tight family of our choosing from the friends we make along the way in life.
I’ve used my BFF friendship material as inspiration for a blog post more than once. There is a group of four of us who have been so close for so long, I can’t recall a time when they weren’t in my life.
One of my earliest blog posts was written for one of my BFFs on a rough day in her life: http://www.lifeaccordingtosteph.com/2011/08/luke-loves-laura-and-so-do-i.html
And two of my other BFFs both have a birthday in the first week of June. I was overcome with the love for friends that week: http://www.lifeaccordingtosteph.com/2012/06/my-two-kims.html
This was such a sweet post. Growing up, my best friend lived 5 houses down from me and we we’re inseparable. Since we spent so much time together we even began to talk alike. Neither one of us could properly pronounce the “R” sound:) During our elementary school years, we got taken out of class and were put into speech therapy together…which was pretty much the best thing ever, it was just like more playtime with my favorite person. After having a falling out that grew into 2 years of very limited talking, we’ve managed to accept that each of us has changed slightly. Our relationship is different now, but regardless, she’s still my best friend.
Thanks for the post. It reminded me how truly special having a best friend is:)
I totally understand what you mean! I moved when I was ten and struggled to find where I fit in, which meant it took me awhile to make good friends. Then I went to University and made the BEST friends! Unfortunately, we all went our seperate ways after school finished, and it is SO much harder to make friends as an adult. I’ve been pretty unsuccessful at it. And not very good at keeping in touch with my school friends. I definitely feel the void.
I’m glad your kids have best friends. It is definitely a special relationship!
I love this post Kristen! I’m so thankful for a few close friends I can call up and chat just about anything with. I always wanted a sister best friend when i was little. I was an only child and had a new best friend every school year or so. Thankfully now my sister-in-law, although 10 years younger, is my best girlfriend. We don’t talk everyday (she lives about 4 hours away), but whenever one of us needs girlfriend therapy so to speak, we’re always there for each other, and since we’ve known each other for so long, we can be completely honest and hide nothing.
My best friend is one that I met the very first day at college. I basically attacked her with my overly-happy, “HI! I’m BECCA! WHAT’S YOUR NAME?!?!?!” Five years later we are still the best of friends. She understands me, and I don’t know why, but she makes me laugh like no one else in the world. We have what we like to call “humor snowballs” where one tiny little thing because this enormous mess of humor. Don’t you love someone who can make you feel silly? Love this post. Thanks for sharing.
Kristen-
I don’t think you are alone. Dave and my mom are the people I go to first. Other wonderful people in my life, present company included :), I call on depending upon the situation. Time and distance are the two biggest culprits! You know you can count on me sweetie!
I was an only child and had a new best friend every school year or so. Thankfully now my sister-in-law, although 10 years younger, is my best girlfriend. We don’t talk everyday (she lives about 4 hours away), but whenever one of us needs girlfriend therapy so to speak,