I’ve been dealing with Postpartum Depression. You might remember, back in October, I was diagnosed with having symptoms of Postpartum Depression stemming from the birth of my sweet Leah last May. My symptoms presented themselves in a different way that I didn’t realize was PPD. I wasn’t sad or weepy… just very anxious, edgy and totally not myself. To make a long story short (and you can read the longer story about my discovery on my post about Dealing with Postpartum Depression) my OBGYN had me start Zoloft as part of my treatment plan.
Within just a few weeks of being on Zoloft, I felt so much better. I was more relaxed, I wasn’t yelling at my kids all the time, I had patience… everything was going along smoothly. In fact, feeling that much better made me wonder if I should have been on Zoloft many years ago. I had never felt so calm… so serene.
As time went on and things progressed, one thing did start bothering me. Writing usually came very easy to me. A blog post would take me 30 minutes at the most… when I felt the urge to write, the words would come and I wouldn’t have to struggle much to get my thoughts out. That all changed over the past 6 months. I felt like all of my creativity had been zapped. I’d sit down to write and nothing would come. I’d have ideas swirling in my head… things I wanted to share with everyone, but I couldn’t form enough of a creative thought to convey it.
Yes, the Zoloft was working and was able to get me out of a really bad place, but I felt numb creatively. As a writer, that is not a great place to be in either.
As nervous as I was to get off of Zoloft because of how much it made a positive difference in the way I was dealing with life and 4 kids, I made the decision a few weeks ago to slowly taper off. I lowered my dosage… went from taking it every day to every other day, then eventually down to half a day and now, for the past 2 weeks, I’ve gone completely off of Zoloft.
I can tell you this now… as much as I needed to be on Zoloft when I was on it and didn’t realize how bad I was feeling until I felt better on it, I feel the opposite now. I didn’t realize how much of me was gone while I was on Zoloft until I got off of it again. I feel that spark again… that buzz of creativity… that unveiled fog that is allowing me to see clearly and to feel again. I feel like me.
My idea notebook, which used to be with me all the time capturing random thoughts that popped into my head, has been sitting empty on my bedside table for the past several months. Just in the past few weeks, I’ve dusted it off and the ideas are flowing like crazy. It feels.so.good. I’m finally, beyond plain vanilla and feel the urge to spice things up some.
Which brings me to pancakes. I wanted to make pancakes this past weekend and not just any pancakes. A flavor of pancake that would capture my feelings and the beautiful spring like weather we’ve been having. Thinking of bright citrus, I stumbled upon these Lemon Poppy Seed Pancakes over at Pickycook and knew they would be the one… the pancake to brighten the room as much as the sun and smiles in my house were on this past Saturday morning.
I am happy. I am blessed. I feel good. Life is good….and so are these pancakes!
Lemon Poppy Seed Pancakes from Pickycook.com who got the recipe from Heidi Swanson
2 cups unbleached (all-purpose) flour (I had to add almost another 1/2 cup of flour to thicken the batter some)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/3 cup sugar
pinch of salt
1/3 cup poppy seeds
zest of 4 lemons
2 cups buttermilk
2 large eggs, lightly beaten
2 tablespoons butter, melted
butter, to serve (and for pan)
To make the pancakes combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt in a large bowl. In another bowl the buttermilk, eggs, butter, lemon zest and poppy seeds. Add the wet to the dry. Stir all the ingredients until they are just combined. Don’t worry if the batter is a bit lumpy, you don’t want to over mix.
Heat your skillet, pan, or griddle to medium-hot and brush it with a bit of butter. Test for the right temperature. If a drop of water dropped onto the pan starts to dance, you are in the ballpark. Pour about 1/3 of a cup of batter into the skillet. Wait until the pancake bottom is deep golden in color, then flip with a spatula and cook the other side until golden and cooked through. Repeat with the remaining batter.
Michelle (What's Cooking) says
I am so proud of you! Welcome back 😉 xoxoxo
.-= Michelle (What’s Cooking)´s last blog ..Quality Time with My Son: Layered Cake with Lemon Curd =-.
Amy from She Wears Many Hats says
So glad you’re feeling like yourself again. Can’t wait to see what pops out! For starters, these pancakes are lookin’ good. Yum.
.-= Amy from She Wears Many Hats´s last blog ..Hominy Grill’s Shrimp & Okra Beignets =-.
Maria says
Love the pancakes and love you! You truly are amazing! I am so glad you are feeling better!
Dana says
These are murky waters – it is so difficult to know what is needed at any given time. All of those meds have so many side effects – it is just finding what will work best for you. Good for you for figuring out what is best for you and for tapering off slowly. I look forward to your new-found creativity!
El says
I am so you’re feeling better Here’s to creativity and those delicious pancakes!
Nanette says
You’re an amazing women Kristen and an incredibly brave and talented mama too xx
Jessica @ How Sweet says
Those pancakes sound fabulous!
.-= Jessica @ How Sweet´s last blog ..Happy Easter! =-.
Melissa says
So glad you are feeling like yourself again. Your pancakes sound delicious!
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..Buttermilk Poundcake =-.
Sandie says
I am so happy for you! This is wonderful news 🙂
.-= Sandie´s last blog ..Chocolate Therapy (Recipe: Andon-Reid Inn’s Brownies on Steroids) =-.
sarah says
thanks for sharing your experience. i wouldn’t be surprised if, at some point in the future, i think back to this post. you never know who you could be helping by putting yourself out there.
.-= sarah´s last blog ..indian food from scratch =-.
Maris (In Good Taste) says
So glad you’re feeling “back to yourself.” Excited to see what kind of creativity you have up your sleeve!
pickycook says
Kristen – I am so glad you are feeling better & feeling the spark again. 🙂 Really glad you enjoyed the pancakes.
.-= pickycook´s last blog ..most popular recipes =-.
barbara says
Kristen that is fantastic news. I’m glad you are feeling so much better…and feeling ready to write. When I finished chemo I couldn’t even create a sentence to write so I channeled my energy into improving my photography. My writing is still a long way from where it was before chemo but I’ll get there someday.
I’d love to pop in and play with Leah and enjoy some of those pancakes.
Kathleen says
Glad you’re feeling better! These pancake sound incredible!!!
.-= Kathleen´s last blog ..Caesar Mayonnaise Dressing =-.
Marthe says
Glad you’re feeling better! I’m bookmarking these pancakes, they sound absolutely wonderful!!
.-= Marthe´s last blog ..TWD: Cocoa-Pecan Marbled Cupcakes with Dulce de Leche Buttercream =-.
The Duo Dishes says
Welcome back literally and figuratively. It must feel great to feel yourself once again.
.-= The Duo Dishes´s last blog ..Let Us Count the Ways =-.
MaryMoh says
Its amazing to read of your journey and I’m really glad to know you are feeling great now and writing again. Thanks for the lovely recipe. I love pancakes. Just made some this morning for breakfast.
.-= MaryMoh´s last blog ..Malaysian Country Fried Rice =-.
michelle says
I love the idea of lemon/poppyseed/buttermilk pancakes! I want to make these soon. I’m glad you’re feeling more like yourself. 🙂
Julia says
Glad to hear you’re feeling better! And for sharing your experience. Anti-depressants can be good and bad all at the same, and that’s great you’ve found what works best for you.
.-= Julia´s last blog ..The Origins of a Recipe (Juniper Scented Duck with Caramelized Balsamic Sauce) =-.
Cheri says
That is so great to hear! It must be such a wonderful feeling. 🙂 The photo and the pancakes are a perfect representation.
.-= Cheri´s last blog ..Simplifying Brunch & Strawberry Banana Muesli =-.
Flavia says
Great post, Kristen! I am so glad you are feeling better and enjoying blogging again! Your photos are beautiful! It’s been so wonderful getting to know you on Twitter and Flickr. Warm wishes to you!
.-= Flavia´s last blog ..Easter Bread {Pizza di Pasqua} =-.
Julie says
Glad to hear you are doing so much better! I so enjoy your blog!
.-= Julie´s last blog ..Grilled Marinated Flank Steak. =-.
Joanne says
Yay! I am so glad to hear you are feeling better. Meds can be useful when needed but I think it’s usually better to go au natural when you can.
these pancakes looks amazing. I love lemon poppy seed muffins and cakes and so I’m sure I would ADORE these.
.-= Joanne´s last blog ..Adventures with Yeast – Italian Easter Bread =-.
Lana @ Never Enough Thyme says
So glad to hear that you have your spark back! Thanks for sharing a deeply personal experience. You never know when your words will help someone else who is in that dark place.
.-= Lana @ Never Enough Thyme´s last blog ..Roasted Asparagus =-.
patsyk says
I’m so happy to hear you are feeling better in so many ways! The medication did what you needed it to do, when you needed it most. I think it’s so generous of you to share what you’ve been through, and it may help someone else realize that the “typical” symptoms are not always the only symptoms that require some help.
.-= patsyk´s last blog ..Weekly Tasty Tidbits =-.
Melissa says
WOW- what a great feeling! I know just what you are talking about! I too suffered from PPD with my first and boy it sure is nice to be yourself again. Thanks so much for sharing your story with us.
Can’t wait to see what else comes from that beautiful mind. Best wishes.
Katie @ goodLife {eats} says
So happy for you Kristen!! I have had this recipe bookmarked for a while, thanks for reminding me of it.
.-= Katie @ goodLife {eats}´s last blog ..Chinese Beef Broccoli =-.
Xiaolu @ 6 Bittersweets says
I’m so glad you’ve got that spark back! I haven’t gone through anything as serious as PPD, but I have felt a little disconnected since working around the clock for months on an intense criminal trial. I’ve had these same pancakes bookmarked for months, too. Maybe they’ll help get my creative juices flowing :).
.-= Xiaolu @ 6 Bittersweets´s last blog ..Brownies for Steve =-.
ashley says
thanks for sharing! and i’m so glad you’re feeling more like yourself now! looks delish!
kathy says
Yummy looking pancakes. It will surely make you feel ok. I do just by looking at the photos. It really looks great. 🙂
.-= kathy´s last blog ..Quick Snacks: Under 200 Calories! =-.
smithbites says
Depression in any form just plain bites! I applaud you for taking steps to move yourself into a more settled, calm state – but what’s great about your story is that, in some cases, taking an anti-depressant doesn’t necessarily mean a lifetime sentence. And what’s even better, is that you have an entire community of folks like us cheering you on!
.-= smithbites´s last blog ..NO-RECIPE, RECIPE ASPARAGUS TART =-.
Dianna says
I’m so glad you’re feeling good. It’s amazing how far away from ‘normal’ you can get without even realizing it sometimes. This recipe looks great! I know what we’re having for breakfast on Sunday morning! THANKS!
.-= Dianna´s last blog ..Thai Chicken Pizza & a guest blogger! =-.
Kaitlin says
I am glad you’re feeling better! My mom takes Zoloft and she has mentioned that it has had a big effect on her creativity, too. I’m glad you could come off of it ok, maybe she can, too!
These pancakes sound incredible. I love lemon and poppy seed cake, but I never would have thought of adding it to pancakes! Genius!
.-= Kaitlin´s last blog ..Spent =-.
Cynthia says
I am happy that you are better!
.-= Cynthia´s last blog ..Happy Easter! =-.
Crystal's Cozy Kitchen says
That is awesome! It was your post last October that made me realize that I was also dealing with some of those same feelings… I felt I had a short fuse and was unable to cope with things as I was previously able to. I did not take the medication route, but tried to cope other ways (walking and meditation.) I also feel like I just came out of a fog in the last month, and it feels great to be back. I also wanted to thank you for your post last October!
.-= Crystal’s Cozy Kitchen´s last blog ..BBQ Onion Burgers =-.
Trysha says
I’m so glad you are feeling better Kristen. I know all too well that feeling of fuzzy that antidepressants leave you feeling. So glad you got the help you needed when you needed and got you back. 🙂
I love lemon poppy anything!
Kate at Serendipity says
I remember that post, and I was touched by your openness when you posted it. I’m glad you posted the follow up too.
Welcome back!
.-= Kate at Serendipity´s last blog ..STUFFED ZUCCHINI =-.
Les in NE says
Wonderful, wonderful news, Kristen! And how great that you’re feeling so happy as we head into beautiful weather and SUNSHINE. I see a fun-filled summer heading your way.
As far as the pancakes go, however, I doubt I can get my hubby to eat these. He’s a “plain vanilla-kind-of-guy.” I had a hard enough time convincing him that my oatmeal/buttermilk pancakes were worth trying. Maybe I can try these out on my folks when they’re in town next month. Or I could just make them for myself and freeze the leftovers. 😉
.-= Les in NE´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.
Melanie says
I struggled with that almost 16 yrs. ago but it wasn’t talked about much so I didn’t get any help. It took me about a year and a half to finally start feeling like my old self again.
Back in 2005 we moved from Georgia to Florida and we had to move in with my mil for a year and a half. (we were building a house) I had to get on Lexapro for anxiety. I had shingles every other month, IBS, and many other things. I stayed on it for a year and then came off of it. It really helped me cope. I am glad that you are feeling better and that you got help.
.-= Melanie´s last blog ..I won! =-.
Pat Wogan says
What a wonderful support group your fellow bloggers are! Glad you are feeling better, and hope you continue to progress. Have you ever thought of writing a book. Maybe some of your blogs…. You are a very organized and creative person whose writing has helped many people. Love, Mom
Kalynskitchen says
Kristen, it’s great to hear you are feeling better. I was on Zoloft once (many years ago) and when it was time to quit taking it, I knew it, so I know what you’re talking about.
.-= Kalynskitchen´s last blog ..Recipe for Lemon Rice with Scallions, Red Bell Pepper, Cilantro, and Pine Nuts =-.
alice says
I remember with #2 dealing with PPD. You are not alone and I’m glad to see you posting again.
Alice
.-= alice´s last blog ..{A Lie} Good Things Happen to Other People =-.
Elizabeth says
Thank you so much for sharing this. In fact, I called my 24 year old daughter in and read to her, which opened up a great conversation between us.
Welcome back – we’ve missed you! And the pancakes are definitely on my “to try” list now.
.-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..Guacamole =-.
Jenny says
I am SO glad you are feeling better! Thank you for the pancake recipe. I needed something new to be mindlessy addicted to. 😉
Laura says
Very happy for you! 🙂
.-= Laura´s last blog ..Lemon Cake =-.
Janet says
This post made me cry a bit… Thank you for your honesty… I sure do love you!
Sue says
Hi. As one who also over-came post-partum depression (about 6 months of it) I am very happy to hear that you are feeling better. It can be a very lonely, very confusing period of time. I look forward to reading your posts. Your pancakes look fantastic!
.-= Sue´s last blog ..Chimichurri-Baked Halibut =-.
Kristen says
Thank you everyone… I’ve missed you and truly appreciate the support and love!
Dee says
I am so glad that you are feeling better. Thanks for sharing your story!
Steph (Desserts for Breakfast) says
oops, i’m a little late to the commenting, but I am so glad that you’ve got your groove back!
And lemon poppy seed pancakes–YUM. putting them on my pancake to-do list.
.-= Steph (Desserts for Breakfast)´s last blog ..Vegan Banana Walnut Bread =-.
grace says
i’m so glad you had a mostly positive experience with your prescription medicine–it sounds like it did its job and you did yours by being able to let go. bless your heart, kristen–i’m happy you’re feeling like your old self. 🙂
now. these pancakes are awesome. i love me some lemon poppy seed muffins–they’re one of the very few lemon things i enjoy–so these unique flapjacks would be welcome at my table anytime!
.-= grace´s last blog ..adding insult to injury =-.
Stacie says
I am so happy you are back with more creativity.
I had the same experience after the birth of my second child. Major PPD but I didnt realize that is what it was until my 2nd was almost 1yr old. I went on zoloft and it really helped me feel like me again. I used it for about 8 months till I was feeling “normal” again. It affected me negatively in the bedroom, so when my hubby and I had a kid free vacation for a few days I went off zoloft and never needed it again.
Whitney Schmale says
Love ya!!!
.-= Whitney Schmale´s last blog ..Visitors part 2 =-.
Aimee @ Simple Bites says
Kristen, as always, I am in awe of your openness. What an experience; thank you for sharing it. Glad you are feeling more like yourself again.
We’re huge pancakes freaks around here. Delish!
ThatsSoYummy says
These look beautiful…. almost just want to stare at them! 🙂
-Natasha
.-= ThatsSoYummy´s last blog ..Pionner Woman’s Quesadillas de Camarones =-.
Caitlin says
Thank you for sharing your experiences…and those pancakes look wonderful. I love lemon-poppyseed muffins so I am adding this one to the recipe box.