Garlic Shrimp Pasta is a super simple recipe for on those times when life is hard and you just need something to be easy.
My heart is so heavy tonight and I just cannot seem to get past the emotions I am feeling. I tried to sleep but my tears won’t stop flowing and the gut-wrenching emotional pain is not letting up.
My 6-year-old is the kind of boy I want with all of my heart to raise. He is the kid who when he pulls an opponent’s flag in flag football, picks it up off the ground and hands it to the person he “tackled”. If one of his classmates forgets to bring an afternoon snack to school, he shares his snack with them. When his classmates are spending their reward tickets in their school store and one of them is short a bit of being able to get what they want, Jacob offers up some of his tickets to them. He is a kind and gentle boy with such a warm heart and I love him dearly for that.
We had parent-teacher conferences this week and it came as no surprise to us when Jacob’s teacher shared with us how quiet and shy he is in class. He is succeeding in all of the academic areas… reading beyond where he needs to be, scoring high in math, etc. He is, however, painfully shy at school. His Kindergarten teacher brought this to our attention last year and we knew before then that he was shy around adults. He is such a rule follower at school and does not want to take any chances with getting into trouble. At home and with our neighbors and family, we see a different boy. A boy who is outgoing, who laughs a lot and who likes being right there in the middle of the action. It is sometimes hard for me to believe that the boy the teachers talk about and the boy at home are even the same child. Jacob does love school, which I am so happy about. When we are out of school on breaks, he is often anxiously counting down the days until he gets to go back.
When we asked Jacob’s teacher about his friends and recess, she said “Jacob is such a nice kid. At recess he is what I would call kind of a tag-a-long… he isn’t aggressive like the other boys, but he always tries to fit in and do things with the other students.” The concerned mom in me said, “He is playing with other kids though, right? He isn’t a loner playing off in a corner by himself, is he?” She assured us he wasn’t and that he just wasn’t as aggressive about getting into the center of things as some of the other boys.
Today out of the blue I decided to ask Jacob this question… “Jacob, are you ever lonely at school?”. His response shocked me as he has never let on to feeling alone at school. “All the time. I am lonely every single day at both of my recesses. Some of the kids are mean to me and I hate going to recess.” I tried to get more out of him… he named a few names and indicated that part of it was because he isn’t any good at kickball, which is apparently has taken over tag, which was the popular thing to play at the beginning of the school year. My.Heart.Broke. Right then in there, I wanted to snatch him up in my arms and shelter him from this world we live in. I wanted to put a magic shield around him so that he never had to feel alone again. I wanted him to know that someday…hopefully soon… his kindness and warm heart will matter so much more to the world than his ability to play kickball.
It is official…I hate recess now too. You can bet that each and every day, during those two periods in the day, my heart will be breaking all over again for my sweet boy and I will hope and pray that he is finding his way and is not feeling lonely.
Why does parenting have to leave us feeling so raw? I am certain that the pain he feels, I feel tenfold. I can only hope that he does not feel it as strong as I am feeling it.
I know that this isn’t my family blog and I typically reserve this type of post for that blog, but for now they are being combined until my mojo returns! I appreciate you listening… I feel better having had the opportunity to get my thoughts out there.
With that, I will leave you with a delicious Garlic Shrimp Pasta recipe. Garlic Shrimp Pasta is so simple… I could only wish that life were the same.
Garlic Shrimp Pasta
Ingredients
- 1 lb medium shrimp deveined and tails removed
- 1 lb spaghetti noodles
- 6-8 garlic cloves according to personal taste, minced
- 1/4 cup butter
- 3 Tablespoons olive oil
- 1 teaspoon Italian seasoning
- 1/2 teaspoon fresh cracked black pepper
- 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
- 1/4 teaspoon Kosher salt or more, to taste
- 1 cup fresh mushrooms sliced, optional
Instructions
- Boil pasta in water till tender (8-10 minutes). Before draining pasta, set aside 1/2 cup of pasta water for use with the shrimp later.
- While pasta is boiling, wash and pat dry the shrimp.
- In a medium skillet, melt butter over medium heat. Add shrimp and garlic (and mushrooms if desired).
- Drizzle with olive oil and cook the shrimp 7-10 minutes until the shrimp is pink.
- Add cooked pasta to the skillet. Add seasonings. Add just enough saved pasta water until it is not dry but not swimming in liquid either. Depending on amount of pasta this requires 1/2 the cup. Start with adding 1/4 of it then work up from there.
- Keep tossing all ingredients around in skillet till all is incorporated and hot. Enjoy!
Jacob has the sweetest, most genuine smile. And I am so sorry that kids are too young right now to recognize purity and a beautiful heart.
I don’t tear up easily, but this was such a lovely post that my vision is all blurry now! Your son sounds like an amazing kid and you are such a loving mother. Thanks for the great read and the great recipe.
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As a parent and teacher , I feel your pain. I wish social interactions could be more simple for our little ones. Wishing you and all of your family some good Mojo!
Go back to the school and talk to them. How sad. He sounds like he will be a fine young man–the kind we need.
oh hun, i’m not one to comment much, but this time i can’t NOT say something. it seems like only yesterday i was in your son’s position. i was shy in kindergarten, felt like an outcast by 2nd grade, and by the time i was in 6th grade it had snowballed. there was an “I hate Erin” club formed by then…and guess who the ONLY person who wasn’t in it? anyone i thought was my friend turned their back on me. i only hope you keep an eye on this and step in if it doesnt get better. kids can be downright evil sometimes and would hate to see your son suffer as a result. best of luck
~e
I totally feel for you. As the mom, this must be excrutiating. There were so many times I felt alone at school, especially after we would have moved (my dad was in the military) that I feel like I understand where Jacob is right now. He will be fine! Better than fine, believe me. Kids worlds change in an instant – either a new kid being transferred to his school and them becoming best friends, or these current recess kids taking him more into their fold. It’s hard to feel like you’re the tag-a-long, and that is lonely, but that’s what I did too when first trying to meet people. You have to invite yourself. Be thankful he is strong enough to do that, and not the loner you feared at first. He’s obviously very capable of putting himself out there, standing in the middle of a not-so-fun situation, and dealing with it. Better even than ‘dealing with it’, he’s engaging and trying to make it work. That is a life lesson he will take with him and be able to manage as an adult. We all get into situations we dont like, and some of us are better at understanding, dealing and being patient at those times. Jacob will be more than fine and come out of this an even better person than the one you originally talked of. I would be sure to tell him that you’re proud of him for trying, proud of him for sticking around at recess and joining in the games. School changes so fast, just like it did from tag to kickball. Hang in there (both of you!). 🙂
My heart is crying right with yours Kristen. It’s not an easy job we parents have – on one side we want to protect them from the big bad world and on the other we want them to be strong and make it in that same world. Would inviting a friend or two home from class after school for a play afternoon help?
For Soeren who is also a rather sensitive boy this was a great way to make a friend or two. This way they got to know each other out of the school environment and at school played together.
Kristen, if you need to talk please just email – sometimes it helps when mums cry and lament on each other’s shoulders!
I really feel your pain on this, too. I hope things turn around for your son very soon.
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I have two shy sons, who are now grown.
It is soo painful to not go to the school at recess and try to fix this situation for your son!
But, have your son choose one or two kids and have after school play dates once a week to start. Have them at your house, because Jacob feels safe there. And his “home” personality will come out there.
That’s what I did for my sons, just let them invite someone over. Little by little, he had someone to play with at recess. It’s a start.
Good luck, I know how you are feeling. It WILL get better for Jacob.
K… I am right there with you … and don’t have ANY answers for you.
Know that you ARE raising a wonderful boy … and those traits and quiet spirit will benefit him as he grows into an adult.
I too heartily SECOND the playdate suggestion … ask his teacher who another “loner” might be .. intervene (just a bit).
Keep us posted? (no one minds that you’re posting this over here, I promise!)
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Just know that just like you feel better for having shared your pain, I’m sure that Jacob’s burden is also lighter knowing he has his Mom to share his feelings with. It took SO much for you to try to understand this child the teachers see at school – and to talk to him about it. Hopefully he’ll also share very soon with you that recess is a better time because of a new game that he’s good at!
I don’t have kids, so I can’t imagine what your going through, but my heart broke reading that and now I just want to pick him up and give him a huge cuddle. I was a very quiet kid at school, take heart from the fact that he is playing and engaging with other kids at school.
Beautifully expressed, sadly true about a mother’s pain.
Children go through so many phases…remember the terrible twos? Hopefully, this too shall pass, but you did the right thing by opening a dialogue. Give him space, encouragement, and a loving family sitting in a warm, aromatic kitchen filled with goodies that Mommy made to come home to.
I thought when I grew up I would leave painful heart breaks behind. I was so happy to have survived elementary, middle school and high school. And yes it felt like surviving. BUT NO ONE TOLD ME…
Going through those years with your child can be SO MUCH more painful then when you went through them the first time. The Mother bear comes out, the helplessness of watching your child heart break…breaks yours even more.
Praying your boy can find one good friend he can hang out with.
I feel for you and Jacob! My oldest is not the most outgoing boy at school and is not very good at playing catch. He’s not a big sports kind of kid – loves baseball, but that seems to be it so far.
It’s so hard to watch your child be the one who’s not included or asked to join in… Aaron is quite a different kid at home, like your son, so it’s hard to reconcile how he’s not always a part of the “action” at school. I ask each day (gently) who he played with and what they did – sometimes he joins in for tag and those type of games, but that’s about it. He’s got one really good friend who doesn’t like sports either, and when that child is not at school, he tends to come home sadder than on other days.
I second the suggestion of inviting a friend or 2 over for a play date. I did that recently for Aaron and he now has one more boy who he feels he can go ask to play at recess.
This parenting thing is so hard to do. Wouldn’t it be easier if there were a handbook so we would have the perfect solution to all of these questions?
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My heart breaks for you, too. When I think of “school” it is always like a commercial…kids working happily, school pictures, etc. It’s not like that. I worked as an aide for 2 years in the “good” school district here. School can be brutal. What I heard come out of the mouths of 3rd and 4th graders made me cry…literally.
After our son completed 2nd grade, we made the decision to homeschool. It’s not a decision for everyone, I know, but it has worked beautifully for us. Yes, he still has interaction with kids through sports and school groups, etc. It’s actually made him MORE outgoing.
Well…if you want any info on homeschooling, please feel free to email me. My email is on my blog. 🙂
It sounds like you have a really wonderful boy there! 🙂
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As a mom, reading your post just breaks my heart! We always want the best for our kids and for them to be happy, and how heartbreaking to hear that he is lonely! I don’t have any amazing words of wisdom for you, but I do think that it’s great that he’s sharing his pain with you. I’d keep that conversation rolling and as long as he’s willing to talk, you can be the one to listen and heal his emotional pain.
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You’ve had so many wonderful comments on this already that it seems trite, but I can’t help but want to throw some more reassuring notes on top of the pile at this point.
Kids are mean. Point blank, there’s no way to slice it. I can’t lie and tell you that he’s going to have an easy time getting through grade school and junior high and even highschool. It seems to me that the kids with the biggest hearts and the sharpest minds are often the ones who end up outcast. What I can say is, much though it breaks your heart to hear him tell you that he is lonely now, you should know with at least some confidence that the 15 years he spends lonely now will make up for themselves in spades later in life when he is still confident enough to be his own person, in spite of what other people are doing – because that ability changes everything.
I know that it can’t be easy to tell a sad 10 year old that (god knows my mother had trouble consoling me with that limp line) but eventually, he’ll see it. I promise. 🙂
Jacob is such a sweet boy, I can tell by the way you write about him. Parenting through their pain is so tough but you are such a caring mom he will find his way. As parents we just have to pray harder for them.
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Oh my gosh, my heart is breaking for Jacob,too! Is there a way you can find out what the other kids that don’t play kick ball do? A friend of mine had a similar situation with her son and she found out the other boys were into Bakugan so she bought some for her son and now he’s in the “Bakugan group.” Good luck!
Oh Kristen, I’m so sorry!!!! Kye has those days too sometimes. Makes me want to come over and bully some kids on the playground myself!!! 🙂 I agree with the playdate thing, a playdate with Kye won’t be helpful as they don’t attend school together….ask his teacher who in his class would be a good choice. I would definitely revisit with her again. Hopefully she’s the teacher we all want our kids to have and can help. Recess is hard for all kids sometimes, even the ones who are good at kickball! 🙂
Whitney
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For what it’s worth, kickball was the bane of my existence as a child, and I was constantly getting in trouble because I would try to get out of playing. My mother eventually bribed me with a Barbie doll if I went up and kicked the ball, but to this day, I don’t understand why they didn’t buy a ball and take me outside and kick it around with me. I was also shy as a child, and afraid of looking stupid in front of the other kids. If my parents had kicked the ball around with me, I would have become more comfortable and spent quality time with them at the same time.
So that’s my suggestion, I guess. I don’t have kids, so what do I know, but I suggest you get a ball and go kick it around so he can get comfortable with that ball rolling towards him in front of everyone and how you kick the stupid thing. 🙂
I don’t have any words of wisdom because I’m not a mother yet, but I do think that it will get better one day. My family moved when I was going into 5th grade, and i became painfully shy. It wasn’t until I found some really good friends in 7th grade that I was able to start breaking out of my shell. I hope he finds that special friend to help him soon!!
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My son is the same way right down to the rule-following. He doesn’t push into things. I think kids like your son and mine will eventually find a best friend to hang out with, and aren’t going to master the social whirl & chaos of recess.
I do think it helps to invite other kids over to play – one at a time.
Also, being friends with girls can be a good thing. If other little boys have been brought up to act like brutal, unpredictable hellions then, well, who needs them!
Now, my heart is breaking because your heart is breaking. There is no time limit on compassion. Because my child is sad, I am sad. I agree with some of the writers who advised you to have one or a child over for a play time after school. What about the kids on his football team? Do any of them go to school with him? I also agree with some of the writers who advised you to go to talk again with the teacher.I would suggest having one child at a time for the play date and pick one who the teacher says is like Jacob and needs a friend. Practice kick-ball at the playground with Jacob. It isn’t hard and requires kicking coordination which comes with practice. You might ask Jacob if there is someone in his class who is also kind of shy. I know Jacob and I know first graders. Some of them are so insecure they become bullies. Jacob is on his way to becoming a gentleman…a gentle man. As you know his Grandfather is a gentle man and I am the envy of my friends as he opens the car door for me, etc. His Grandfather also moved a lot during elementary school and had a hard time making friends. He is now a person others look up to. Your husband is a gentleman. Jacob has good role models and he will grow up to be a great person. Give him a hug for me. Love, Mom
Oh, Kristen! When I read this post, old cracks in my heart started breaking all over again. I went through the very same thing with my daughter when she was little. At home, she was the most charming, charismatic and outgoing child you’d ever want to see. At school, while being an excellent student and great “rule follower”, she was painfully shy and withdrawn. She was the child who was always off by herself on the swing, watching all the other kids play together. She just couldn’t bring herself to join in. Not only that, but so many of those other kids were just plain mean. She once told me that “being in kindergarten was like being locked in a box all day”. What devastating words to hear from your 5 year-old!
I really do believe that the blame for much of this problem lies with the teachers and the attitude of the school in general. (Believe it or not, my daughter was attending a Catholic school. So much for “Christian charity”!) Teachers should be more vigilant on the playground. When they see a child standing alone, they have the power and ability to draw that child into the group.
I eventually transferred my daughter to our local public elementary school and it was like night and day. My daughter’s teacher was all over the situation. She never let a child be excluded from any group. Her rule was, if everybody isn’t invited to play a game, then no one plays that game. And she stuck to it.
The first thing she did with my baby was enlist another little girl to be her “buddy”. That meant that they would eat lunch together and then go out to recess together. It was so much easier for my child to join in and play with the other kids when she had someone to do it with. Pretty soon, she began to gain confidence and develop friendships with other children.
Six years later, my daughter is a fairly well adjusted and socially adept teen. She is also still great friends with her “buddy” from elementary school.
I’m telling you this, first of all, because I want you to know that you are not alone. I went through such agony because I felt like there must be something wrong with both me and my child. (There wasn’t.) What is wrong is that too many parents don’t waste their time teaching their kids tolerance, acceptance and basic kindness. Too many teachers are just not willing to get involved.
In the second place, maybe this strategy of having a “buddy” will work for Jacob too. It’s worth a shot.
Watching your child struggle and suffer is the worst pain imaginable! Do whatever you have to do to make it better. Good luck!
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Please tell us how he’s doing.
I was reminded of a time in the 2nd grade when I broke down crying because I didn’t want to go on the play ground. My teacher asked me why and I told her no one would play with me.
She called a classmate over and asked her if she’d like to play with me to swing or something. That girl said yes and all I remember doing is running towards the play ground.
Teachers can step in and make a difference.
Maybe he just needs to be surrounded by a more social world. Host parties in your home with all the delicious things you make so he feels more comfortable socializing and playing with other kids. Or sign him up for community sports. It will get better as he gets older. Kids at school can be harsh! 🙁
Kristen, I can only hope when I’m a parent to have a fraction of your compassion and completely unconditional love. My heart goes out to you and Jacob. Your description of him reminds me of myself at that age, and I feel that he will only be stronger for these experiences.
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Oh, Kristen, I feel so sad right now! Your little boy seems so nice and happy. I was always scared that my kids would go through that. I even thought about homeschooling them for a while, I just didn’t want to let them go. I really hope Jacob makes friends and learns to like recess again. 🙂
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Oh, my son was just like this, and I was exactly where you are now! The first day of kindergarten someone called him ‘four-eyes’ (he wore glasses, obv), and ‘shrimp’ on the bus. While not exactly shy, he, too, was not the most athletic or agressive child, a trait that was highly prized in our suburban neighborhood (and those parents are still jerks, btw).
But, you know, he was who he was, and found his own way. Those kids that called him those names turned out to be some of his best friends, so, yeah, kids can be cruel, but most likely they learned that from others. He will find friends, believe me.
Today my son is a varsity basketball player, on the high honor roll, and was voted on the homecoming court last year. He is one of the kindest, most empathetic teenagers I have ever known. His friends would do anything for him. I am so proud of him. He’ll be 17 next month.
Keep on doing what you’re doing. While we can’t protect them from everything, it sure sounds like he knows he’s got his mother on his side. He’ll be fine.
(Ha, and I came here from the shrimp picture on foodgawker. Shrimp & pasta for dinner it is!)
i was a kid like jacob & eventually found my happy place! so while that might not comfort you now, know that he’ll get there & the good relationships he has in his life he’ll cherish!
he’s got an adorable smile!
My heart is breaking for your little guy!!!
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Hi Kristen-
Thanks for stopping by my blog this morn and commenting on the HerLife article! I’m such a fan of your site…my friend Jen Bedell introduced me to it awhile ago.
What a sweet (and heartbreaking) post. I so feel your pain…I once wrote an article about how I hid behind the evergreen bushes at my daughter’s school after she told me she had no one to play with. I was a “Peeping Mom”…so worried about her loneliness. I was just looking for the kiddo I could bribe with a crisp $50 bill 🙂
(kidding about the bribery…kind of)
My 6-year old is like that too. He’s not as good as the other kids at soccer, which is the big thing in his playground. But he is so social with his friends.
One of the things Annie did was go into the classroom and read the class a story about bullying. Doing this consistently will help raise awareness in the kids. Some will still be aggressive and mean, but others will learn to mind their relationships.
Your son has a good heart. I pray that God will protect and preserve it.
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After reading that post, now I want to give your son a great big hug! I was that way in school – I was never really good at sports or any of the popular things. I’m such a mom – my heart breaks just thinking that my kids will be lonely or picked on at school, and my oldest is only three! Makes me want to homeschool!
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I am right in the middle of a lot of heartbreak with my older son too and, while their situations are different, it was nice to read about another mom who feels like a mama bear!
My son has some kind of developmental delay. He doesn’t have a diagnosis per se, but his language and cognition is behind that of his peers. He is the most social and charming child so most people don’t notice, but as he gets older (he is almost four), the gap between him and other children widens. We are two years away from kindergarten and I am so afraid for him. Will he be able to keep up? Will the other children make fun of him? Will he make friends?
I look forward to more of your writing on this topic. Thanks for sharing.
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He is going to be fine. Hard part about growing up. In Kindergarten, my teacher sent a note home to my mother saying that never spoke the entire day. So what. He’s going to be fine. You, on the other hand…
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If I was there I’d give you and your son a hug too.
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*BIG HUGS HEADED YOUR WAY*
I can totally understand your pain, and it’s all I can do to not cry openly here at my desk at work as well. You see… I WAS YOUR SON, and went through that when I was in elementary school (although little later than Kindergarten, but went through it much of the same). It sucks. Period.
So, what can you do? If the problem is centered around kick ball, maybe a little practice would help (nothing better than wow-ing people when they expect the opposite). The thing that helped me the most were activities outside of school. You mention flag football. Awesome. It’s those friendships and group activities that are great to look forward to. I’ve heard that activities like karate help with confidence quite a bit, which may help too.
It’s early on, and dynamics change quite a bit right now, especially year to year as students are shuffled among classes. My son experienced some of this in kindergarten as well. He’s better now in first grade. Sometimes that’s all it takes as they change so much in that first year of school. Hang in there!
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Kristen, I totally understand your feelings. As a parent but almost more from Jacob’s perspective. What you describe sounds so much like me. I was so painfully shy as a child. I heard my parents say it and discuss it and worry over it often. I had a few friends but often felt lonely or picked on. Even when things were stolen out of my lunch, I wouldn’t tell. The teachers expressed concern to my parents. I think the hardest part was watching my mom try to “fix” it and talk about it and stress about it. I KNEW what she was saying and stressing about. I felt like I was disappointing her and that made it hurt more for me. Junior high was the worst. High school I started having my own friends and interests but still tagged after the popular kids because my mom wanted me to be friends with them and be popular. I would say just be sure to not show him how much it hurts you because I DO think it is hurting you more.
Most people I meet do not consider me shy now though. It took a while but I think I still have those same insecurities and it is harder to make good friends. I worry all the time about my kids having friends but have a hard time making the initiative for fear of rejection. At the same time, I feel we are not invited to playdates unless I make the initiative so I wonder … But I am working on overcoming those old childhood feelings.
Best of luck to you and Jacob.
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Oh, Kristen. This brings tears to my eyes. Jacob is SUCH a great kid (as you know). Of, course now I just want to run out to recess and help him. Don’t lose heart.
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Bless his heart!! My heart aches for both of you!! You were so good to me when Sarah left for college and you don’t even have any near that age yet! Here is a big hug for both of you!
It is so hard when we see our children hurt. One nice thing about kids is things can and will change day by day.
Keep an eye and ear out and if need be talk to the teacher. Usually these things straighten themselves out….and all is well….till the next thing comes along!
Best of luck with it and hope you are feeling better with that baby #4.
D.
Your kid, sounds like the sweetest kid ever! But kids can be so cruel sometimes! I feel like hugging him!
Don’t worry dear, soon he’ll understand that kickball has no importance. Good luck!
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Oh geez, I am right there with you. Having a very, very warm-hearted six year old boy myself, however he’s a crazy chatterbox everywhere, I can imagine how your heart sinks. Maybe you could get a ball and kick with him every day until he builds his confidence. Maybe you’ll feel proactive. Overall, it sucks when your child is so sweet and knowing there is a little sh*t at school being mean to them…oh my gawd don’t even get me started. Talk to the teacher about the names he mentioned and don’t back down. I had to do it this year and it worked.
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I completely understand. My son is not shy, but he is smaller than all the other boys. He can’t always keep up and my heart breaks for him. This past week, a bigger boy broke his arm at school. I think my son cried as much for being bullied as he did for the physical pain. I want nothing more than to keep him home and hold him in my arms forever, but he loves school and his friends. I know he will grow and catch up to the other boys. Until then, I feel the ache in my heart every day when he goes to school. I completely understand.
Kris–the kids life is easy for are asking folks if they want fries with that–I remember when James’ face started breaking out, in 5th grade, pleading with the Lord, I didn’t understand why he couldn’t get a break. And then I felt very strongly impressed that he needed this challenge to become what the Lord has planned for him to be.
Which still sucks. You want me to beat those other kids up?
I’m so sorry. I hated that as a teacher. Seeing those kids who didn’t fit in all that well. I didn’t either. Neither did my husband. Neither did most of today’s most successful people.
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My heart aches for you and Jacob both. Calvin and Simon think Jacob is so awesome and ask all the time when they can all play again. I hope things get better.
It sounds like your parent/teacher conference went just like mine.
I just keep reminding myself (and I’ve commented before), parenting is like being punched in the stomach and heart at the same time.
My heart is breaking for both of you. It is so hard in the cruel world out there. My younest went through this. Painfully shy and a bit awkward out in the real world, and everything in you is screaming “No!”. Childhood should be simple and joyfull, I know. Hang in there. Play Kick ball with him so that maybe he can learn. Love on him. Invite someone over that he choose. Get to know some of the moms and see if you can’t help him make a friend through them. I have been known to create positive situations for my kids so they could get the feel of success. Hang in there, and just be there for him. Find an interest for him that he can get involved in, whether it be sports, or academic, or some kind of club. Have parties and become the cool mom.
Be proactive, that is the best thing at this age.
I bet your heart broke…
Children at times can be cruel with each other…
Loved your pasta, simple but delicious 🙂
I can’t offer too many wise words, never having been a parent, but it’s certainly hard being a kid and all kids go through real tough stuff growing up. It must be so hard to watch that though.
Pasta looks good, simple and comforting!
Hopies last blog post..Automne et une tarte pomme-poire/ Fall and Apple-Pear Pie
Kristin you are doing such a FANTASTIC job as a mother, so much so that it almost seems trite to try to give you advice about this, however, I couldn’t help but see so much of myself in your little boy!
I was lonely, a loner, shy, embarrassed, and completely unsure of myself as a kid. Again, I was completely different at home. I hated school {not like crazy longer style in a black cape, but you know what I mean!}. I didn’t feel like the other kids gave me the freedom to be who I really was inside.
You start school and immediately you are labeled and put into a box that you can’t escape until you are older and leave for college.
School days were INCREDIBLY difficult for me. But I grew so much as a person through those difficult times. I knew who I REALLY and TRULY was because I only had myself, my family, and my Lord to lean on. Others leaned on their friends and let the pettiness and bitchiness develop their shallow characters. I’m serious. I look back now on how much I was tried and tested, and I’m so grateful for those hard times that allowed me to be who I am as an adult. I almost hope my kids go through it, though it would make me so sad to think of them feeling like I did as a kid, the way your sweet son does.
I’m sorry, I know how difficult it must be to watch! I spent many an afternoon curled up in my mother’s lap bawling my eyes out.
But these days I have CONFIDENCE. I know I’m pretty, smart, funny. And I don’t ever have to revert back to the time when I let other people make me feel like I wasn’t those things. And I really feel it was only through the really difficult times that I built enough character to feel this way.
Keep up the good work, you always have the most permanent subjects on here and I love it!
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I wish I knew how to whip it all away for you both. But please know I’m thinking of you and hope that your little man finds his way at school. He is a sweet, thoughful, loving boy and those are traits that will carry him far in this world!! ~Jen
Jennifer Mullinaxs last blog post..Sweet Angel….
Contrary to popular belief, a mother’s worst pain isn’t labor – it’s the hurts experienced by her children. You have a boy who will in all likelihood make a great husband and father someday, Kristen. You just keep reminding him that if other kids treat him badly, it says more about who they are than who he is. Hugs to you both!
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I had the exact same feelings when my daughter was in kindergarten and 1st grade. I couldn’t understand why kids didn’t want to play with my wonderful, sensitive, nice girl. (she is now in middle school and that’s a whole other beast). It did pass. She did start playing with kids on the playground. It’s a hard transition from daycare or preschool or being home with mom. IT WILL GET BETTER!! Yes, kids are MEAN sometimes. It does break our hearts as mothers when we cannot alway be there to protect them. Hang in there!~
The social aspect of school, and how so many kids get left in the corner because of one reason or another, just breaks my heart too. It’s just one of many reasons that we chose to home school. It’s so hard to not want to go beat up some 5 yr old somewhere! I hope your little boy finds some friends. Btw – the recipe looks YUM!
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I just stumbled upon your blog from another site, and your post just hit home. My son, (who is now 19) was painfully shy and was bullied at school too. My heart just breaks for these kids that other kids seem to like to target. My son is a gentle, kind and considerate young man and I know your son will be the same. Hang in there…I hope things improve for your sweet boy. Hugs from a mom who’s been there.
Your post brought back so many memories for me of when my son (now 25) was in elementary school. He would come home every day and sit at the table with his cookies and milk and cry “I just want someone to be my friend. I just want one day where people don’t run away when I come in the room.” So I do feel your pain. We chose to homeschool for a few years because of some educational needs that were not being met but also to give him and his classmates some time to grow a little. Huge improvement when he entered 7th grade. He is now in college part-time, has a girlfriend, a full time job and feels very confident in who he is. He has good relationships with some close friends and his siblings. He will never be the social butterfly that some people are, but he’s happy, healthy and able to be successful in the adult world. I hope that encourages you even now.
My heart goes out to you and Jacob. Children are such a blessing but along with that blessing comes great vulnerability. Hang in there and be his advocate. Things change quickly and hopefully those changes will be for the better.
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Whats everyone doing for safety precautions for Halloween? My husband came across an article (http://i-newswire.com/pr220892.html) with some info about background checking neighbors. I thought that may be a little overboard, but it had some other good suggestions for some precautions I haven’t thought about. Last year my youngest son came down with a massive fever after Halloween. I almost thought about just taking the kids to our church’s fall festival this year instead of door-to-door to prevent that from happening again. I don’t know yet. What’s your advice? Am I over-reacting or just being a concerned mom?
I want to cry for you. 🙁
Hi,
So many before me have left thoughtful and insightful suggestions I won’t reiterate any of them. I did though want to take a moment to tell you that I hope it works out for your sweet and loving little boy. I’m certain with the great mama bear he has in his corner all will be well.
Take care.
~ingrid
ingrids last blog post..Twins………again!
Have you considered home education?
I’m not suggesting you remove him from the world. That’s not the point of home education.
In the words of our fine new President, “yes, you can change” his environment and surround him with like minded children. There are THOUSANDS of home educated families out there raising awesome citizens like your Jacob.
Home education nurtures the child’s desires to explore our world, grow real & lasting friendships, and learn to become a true, self educated, self motivated leaders.
No one and nothing grows when left in the dark. Don’t depend on a system to truly educate Jacob. Drop kick the static & noise.
God gave Jacob an awesome Mom & Dad to rear him. Step up and step out. Give Jacob the opportunities to grow with the gifts to which God has blessed him. Give him the life that fine tunes his mind & heart to be the servant leader he was born to be.
Pray, ask God Himself, what way Jacob should go. God has BIG plans for him, and HE needs your parenting to get him there.
Written with all my heart,
Jill
p.s. I won’t debate pros & cons.
The truth is the truth, regardless of who believes.
I know exactly what you are feeling. My son is the same way. He is now in 5th grade, but he still struggles. Luckily he goes to a small Catholic school and the children are pretty open minded. He does not have a real friend in his class. I want so much to fix it for him, but I cannot. The principal, a nun, is very good with him. She builds him up and he loves her. All the kids respect her.
I just spoke to her last week about this (again). She has assured me that he will be fine and that some people just struggle with these things and they find their way. Hopefully it builds character, keep the conversation going. That is the best way for him to get into the habit of talking about it and keep your eyes open for depression.
Best of Luck!
Kristen
Kristens last blog post..Herbed POPCORN
I completely understand. My oldest, 8, is a great kiddo and at the end of 2nd grade I found out she was walking around the playground crying!!! ugh! my heart broke.. why?? why was she so sad and being by herself?? it was all due to one little girl who bullied.. she still considers this little girl a friend.. boy. talk about turning the other cheek.. it killed me…
she will learn… the hard way I am afraid… so sorry to hear your boy is so sad.. I will pray for him too.
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Hi. I just found this post while randomly wandering through food blogs, and felt I had to comment. Your description of Jacob’s experiences in elementary school sounds exactly like what I was like as a kid. I didn’t talk much, got picked on by some of the kids on the playground, cried because I didn’t fit in, and even had one of the teachers ask if I had “problems at home” because I was so quiet. But once I hit middleschool I started getting exposed to a wider pool of people, and started making friends. By highschool I had a pretty steady (albeit quiet) social life, and was perfectly happy on that front. And from what I hear, that’s pretty typical of the kids that are a little strange (strange in that awesome, geeky way I mean ;). So, hard as it is, it will almost certainly get better for him as he grows up. 🙂
I, too, sit here with a heavy heart after a night of holding my 8-year-old son while he cried. He is lonely on the playground due to his not being able to get his morning work done, he has to stay inside until he finishes it. By the time he goes out, everyone is paired up and playing. He is in his own child with his own ideas and thoughts about things and is content to entertain himself; however, he is heartbroken at being alone all of the time. He plays basketball and baseball. He is an only child – much to my heartbreak. When I ask if he wants to have someone over, he normally just shrugs. He is a one-friend kind of kid and if that friend is out or playing with someone else he is lost. I am glad to see that I am not the only one whose heart breaks at the loneliness of their child.