How Can She Possibly…?

How can she possibly be ready?

I woke up at midnight with a tightness in my chest, grasping for breath. In the dark of the night, it felt like the walls were closing in on me. It was then I realized my pillow was wet and tear soaked.

As a mom who has stayed home with her babies, waking them up every day and taking care of their needs, this has to be one of the hardest things to do… sending them off, away from home for 7 hours a day, letting someone else take care of their needs. How can she possibly be ready?

How can she be ready to navigate the halls of the big grade school, swarming with other children? How will she find her way to her classroom without me being there to guide her? How can she know how to put her backpack away, take her snack to her desk and follow the order of the day without me there to help her? How can she possibly carry a big heavy tray full of lunch food across the crowded lunchroom without dumping it across the floor? How can she be ready for spelling tests, reading homework and math problems? How can she possibly be ready?

I know I’ve sent other kids off to school and they’ve thrived… but I worry about her so much. I worry that others won’t get and understand her quirky little self. I worry that she’ll be the one on the playground alone or sitting at the lunch table with no one else coming to sit by her. I worry that she just won’t get the school work that she’s given, even though I know she is completely capable. I worry about the kids out there who aren’t so kind… and I worry about her tender heart. She is a beautiful, wonderful, spirited, funny, sweet girl… but what if no one else sees that?

I’m leaving her in the hands of a trusted, loving, incredible teacher and I still worry. What if she can’t do it without me there… which is silly, I know, but how can she possibly be ready?

This is why we do this mothering thing, right? To prepare them for the day when they are pushed a little further and begin to really fly on their own.

But I still grasp at the thought… how can she possibly be ready? I know my heart is not.

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  1. says

    This was me 4 years ago when I sent Caedon to school. And YOU got me through it. :)

    To be a fly on the wall that first day of school. I feel like Nemo’s dad “Well you got to let them go sometime” but then freaks out “the dropoff!” I honestly put on a brave face but lose it when I get home.

    My husband said “Caedon’s first day of school, you’ve dreaded this day since the day he was born.” He’s quirky and a little bit different but he’s so much more confident now that it doesn’t bother him. He embraces it.

    She’s going to be amazing. And we’ll all be right here; holding you up and cheering her on. :)

    • says

      Oh Trysha – I cannot believe THAT was 4 years ago. Isn’t that crazy? It seems like he just started school. Wow.

      What’s crazy is this is Ella’s 1st grade year, but Kindergarten here is just half day. It always seems so much harder letting go for a full day than just a couple of hours.

      Thank you so much for your comment (and support… you are a great friend!). I appreciate it so much :)

  2. says

    Oh goodness, I’m already anxious for this day and he has yet to exit the womb! I don’t know your daughter, but I see a little bit of me in her. I didn’t talk until 5th grade, I failed every test because of anxiety and would stay inside and color by myself at recess. Crazy enough, I survived and she will too. I’ll be thinking about you!

  3. says

    I just sent both of mine off to high school. I don’t think that feeling ever goes away. I hope it does, but so far it hasn’t. The anxiety that has built up and the sleep lost … I’m with ya sister. xoxoxo

  4. says

    I agree with Amy, I don’t know if that feeling every goes away! I feel it now with my oldest, who is a sophomore and has his driving permit. It’s too scary, how can they be ready? They’re just babies.
    What a very sweet post with beautiful pictures!!

  5. says

    So sweet, Kristen. I am about to send my middle child off to kindergarten…but she’s my tough cookie. I worried far more about my sensitive son than I will about my take-no-bull-from-anyone 5 year old! But I know I could be wrong and the best thing I can do is let her know I am here for her every step of the way.

  6. Katie | Healthnut Foodie says

    Okay, you had me crying like a baby! I’m especially bummed over the chance that they might go to full -day kindergarten next year, the year my oldest would start. I really don’t want them to get her a year early!

  7. says

    It’s hard to believe that 8 years ago my youngest of 4 went into Kindergarten. He’s in 8th grade this year. One’s a sophomore in high school, another is a freshman in college and the oldest is 20 years old. It’s hard for me to fathom sometimes, that they are all grown (just about) and soon they’ll be leaving home and starting families of their own. You’ve done a fabulous job Kristen, your children are beautiful and so are you. :)

  8. says

    It never does go away….I know my heart has broken every time kiddo has come home after a difficult day or with hurt feelings. (That’s one reason I loved our 3 years of homeschooling so much.) 😉 We’re all there with ya…and her. ♥

  9. says

    OK, so I had to step away from the computer and lock myself in the bathroom so the kids wouldn’t notice me crying over this post… It is so hard, isn’t it? My little Olivia is starting Kindergarten next week (it’s full day here) and I am so not ready to not have her here with me all the time. Definitely not ready…

  10. says

    She’s ready because you have been a great mother, preparing her along the way, teaching her right from wrong. You have made her strong enough to embrace her quirky self. She is ready because she knows she has hugs and kisses waiting for her when she gets home.
    She is ready because of you.

  11. says

    Oh Kristen, I go through this every year with my youngest. She’s now in 5th grade and the only thing that gets me through is that she is such a happy kid. Nothing seems to get her down for too long. Trust in the teacher. I know for us they have been the saving grace.
    Hugs…I sure know what you are giong through…

  12. Stephanie Culver says

    Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened. ~ Dr. Seuss. She will do great…cherish every minute of it!

  13. says

    it never goes away……I feel that way every time my girls head out in uncharted territory. You are an awesome mom and you have to believe you’ve given her what she needs!


  14. says

    She sounds like such a sweet, gentle soul. And because of that, she will thrive in the big world and bring her gifts to others. But as a mom, yes, it does quite a number on your heart……hang in there and I hope she has a wonderful day! (And you, too, Mom) 😉

  15. Melissa says

    OMGosh!! This made me cry!! My last baby just left me for Kindergarten today. I tried bribing him by telling him if he stayed home, we’d eat ice cream & watch cartoons all day. It didn’t work. He left me!! I stood there @ the end of our driveway sobbing as I waved bye to the bus. My hubby had to bring me back into the house, my stomach hurt so bad watching him leave. @ least he did tell me very softly “I’m gonna miss you mum”. *sniffle*


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