Well, it’s official. That future therapy fund for my kids that I have been contributing to since their birth is definitely going to be used. Ella, my three year old, just informed me that I am messing up her life. Yep… at 3, she is already talking like a fifteen year old who can’t stand her mom. Funny thing is, when she told me that I was messing up her life, my imagination immediately pictured her as a teenager (she looked a lot like a gum chewing Cyndi Lauper). I have a feeling I have an interesting several years ahead for me with this one. I think I’ll up the contribution for her therapy fund, pronto.
What could I have possibly done to make my THREE year old declare that because of me, her life was on the downward spiral? Well, I gave her instructions on how to handle biscuit dough. I know! The horror.
We were having a nice little mother daughter bonding moment, making buttermilk biscuits to go with our favorite Baked Chicken Legs. Everything was going along just peachy when we got to patting out the dough. It was just about perfect when she decided to keep messing with the dough. I then explained to her that with biscuit dough, you can’t over work it and handle it too much or it will mess up the biscuits. That was apparently the straw that broke the camels back because her mood switched completely and she threw her hands up and exclaimed, “Well YOU are messing up MY life!”.
Biscuit dough has to be handled carefully or you will end up with tough, hockey puck, flat biscuits. There’s no therapy fund for biscuits. If you handle biscuit dough incorrectly, there is no turning back. Luckily, I have awhile to make up for my failures with 3 year old and just in case, I’ll keep pitching money into her therapy fund.
Southern Buttermilk Biscuits (from Alton Brown)
- 2 cups flour
- 4 teaspoons baking powder
- 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
- 3/4 teaspoon salt
- 2 tablespoons butter
- 2 tablespoons shortening
- 1 cup buttermilk, chilled (I always use this recipe for buttermilk substitute)
Preheat your over to 450 degrees. In a large mixing bowl, combine flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Using your fingertips, rub butter and shortening into dry ingredients until mixture looks like crumbs. (The faster the better, you don’t want the fats to melt.) Make a well in the center and pour in the chilled buttermilk. Stir just until the dough comes together. The dough will be very sticky.
Turn dough onto floured surface, dust top with flour and gently fold dough over on itself 5 or 6 times. Press into a 1-inch thick round. Cut out biscuits with a 2-inch cutter, being sure to push straight down through the dough. Place biscuits on baking sheet so that they just touch. Reform scrap dough, working it as little as possible and continue cutting. (Biscuits from the second pass will not be quite as light as those from the first, but hey, that’s life.)
Bake until biscuits are tall and light gold on top, 15 to 20 minutes.
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One of my friends had a three year old that was going on 16. I remember walking into their church building when we were visiting and she instantly went ahead of her parents acting as if she did not want to be seen with them. Another time we were babysitting for them and she got out of bed so we asked her if she was suppose to be out of bed and she looked at us, and no kidding did the ‘talk to the hand’ motion and said, “I need a minute”. Aren’t 3 year olds great!
Crystal’s Cozy Kitchen´s last blog ..Goals
Oh, you have to love toddlers and their moods! I mean, how DARE you coach her on the proper way to handle biscuit dough? What kind of mother are you?
That said, I think a therapy fund is a good idea. I’ll have to start looking into that for my own poor children…
Stephanie´s last blog ..Buttercream Syrup
that second photo is just hilarious! and so perfect for this story.
and mmmmmmmm biscuits…..
Steph (Desserts for Breakfast)´s last blog ..Mothers’ Day Duo: Matcha Orange Pots de Creme and Orange Carrot Ginger Cake
What a funny story, she sounds like a hoot. I can just see her huffing at you
At least you are prepared. Love the biscuits 
Tickled Red´s last blog ..Put your heels up!
haha!
that is great! She’ll thank you for teaching her how to properly make biscuits someday! I was recently teaching a woman how to make bread… I kept saying “this is how my mom taught me!” A wonderful thing to pass along to your kids!
OMG, I had to laugh. Three? At least you don’t have to be concerned that she doesn’t know how to assert herself ;>)
Oh my that is too funny! I love your stories about your little ones & that picture is wonderful.
picky cook´s last blog ..malted guinness milk chocolate ice cream with whoppers
Hahahah I LOVE that picture. It is priceless.
Jessica @ How Sweet´s last blog ..Happy Mother’s Day.
Haha I LOVE that picture. Downward spiral haan?
snacksgiving´s last blog ..Cupcakes for Spring
Love the story and the photo – but seriously how could anyone complain when eating these delicious biscuits?
A therapy fund is a great idea, but not for our kids for us to get us through the teen years:D I would consider it therapeutic to make these biscuits:D
Hehehe! I can definitely relate. This is how it starts. Wait until she is a teen and absolutely nothing you do is right! I wish I’d started my therapy fund years ago.
Susan @ SGCC´s last blog ..St. Agur Cheese: Three Ways
This is absolutely hilarious, and the photo is highly apt! I’m itching to have biscuits soon, but still deciding on a recipe to try out. How does this recipe match up to your mom’s?
ovenhaven´s last blog ..not for the flour nazi
What a cute little story, you’ll have to remember it for when she’s older! Your biscuits look divine, I definitely want to make them NOW
Heather I.´s last blog ..Alex’s Scrambled Eggs
Be careful when you answer ovenhaven’s question. Mama is watching. Ella is sooo creative.
Hahaha I love the picture of your daughter! I should probably start a therapy fund for my kids now…..and I’m not even planning on having kids anytime soon
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Mackenzie@The Caramel Cookie´s last blog ..Guest Post: Cookie Dough Truffles
Hilarious! I love the picture of your daughter. She looks like a free spirit!
Melissa´s last blog ..Lemon-Lime Curd
We have really been enjoying those baked chicken legs. Have these replaced the other biscuits you posted, because we eat a lot of those too. Should I switch to these?
Jimi´s last blog ..Chris Cooks Days 4 & 5
Kids say the darndest things! But they’ll still eat your biscuits.
The Duo Dishes´s last blog ..Patience is Indeed a Virtue
Skip the therapy and enroll her in acting classes. Obviously she has a flair for drama.
So funny! Three year olds really say the darndest things
(Not that you really want to hear that.) I’m sure I’ve said just that to my mother a number of times…and my life has turned out pretty damn okay. So I wouldn’t stress too much 
In the meantime, just eat a few more of these delicious biscuits. It’ll make you feel better!
Joanne´s last blog ..Coconut Rice Pudding Cake with Raspberry Compote – A Review of Deborah Madison’s Seasonal Fruit Desserts
What a cutie! Love the picture. I think you are in for big trouble during the teen years. Your biscuits look perfect.
Barbara Bakes´s last blog ..Easy German Chocolate Cake
My friend’s niece can join the club with Ella and the girl Crystal mentioned. She’s always addressing my friend as “Auntie Meghan.” in this super serious tone, like she’s her boss calling her in for a performance review. She does other stuff too… actually, she’s not so much a miniature teenager as a miniature adult, the kind with a lot on her plate and no time to dilly-dally.
camille´s last blog ..Asian Chicken Chili
Oh boy, you might have a few interesting years ahead of you!
What a cutie your daughter is.
Ther’s nothing better than homemade biscuits-yours look perfect.
O haha, that is such a funny story. Three year olds must be among the funniest people out there (and they don’t even realize it, or do they?)
Simone (junglefrog)´s last blog ..Daring cooks May 2010; Enchiladas
Aren’t kids awesome!! My Grand daughter announced (she was 5 or 6 at the time) “Grandma, you don’t know nothing, your brains too old’. Sure gave me a good laugh!
If my kids find out that you’re making homemade biscuits then they’re gonna say I’m messing up their lives. So shhh, don’t tell.
These do look yummy though.
(Randy says that’s some mighty pretty grass there.)
Amy from She Wears Many Hats´s last blog ..It’s a mystery…
Oh Lord. They grow up way too fast, don’t they? Yes, you’re going to have a marvelous time when she is 16.
Can we hope she remembers something from the biscuit-making enterprise? Like not over-working the dough? Yours look great!
Barbara´s last blog ..Gyōza
Since today is National Buttermilk Biscuit Day, this is perfect…since mine always turn out like hockey pucks I’ll try your recipe (maybe it’s NOT me and the recipes I try???
Mrs. L´s last blog ..Crockpot Chocolate Candy
Girl children are so difficult, aren’t they? They’re just full of drama. It’s fun and hilarious and completely maddening, though.
Your biscuits look gorgeous. I have a recipe for biscuits that get beaten into submission with a rolling pin…maybe your daughter would like to make those next time?
Karly´s last blog ..Chocolate Chip Surprise Muffins
Kristen, thanks for following my travels. It’s good to be home and to be able to check in with you.
I grew up on biscuits. Learning to make them was a rite of passage, and you always learned from the masters (or mistresses, I would say, but it might be misunderstood…). Your daughter is lucky that you can teach her!
I LOVELOVELOVE that photo of her!
Kate at Serendipity´s last blog ..Home again…
Is this the daughter I share a birthday with? I think I was a difficult child too. I have a couple of family and friends who have 3 year olds now and I’m just flabbergasted at the things they’re saying. Great photo of her, capturing so much of that independent spirit.
Jessica Lee Binder´s last blog ..Ramps, Prosciutto, and Cave Aged Gruyere
Oh, this cracked me up! How I needed a little comic relief. Kids say the darndest things, don’t they? Looking forward to our upcoming weekend
Sandie {Inn Cuisine}´s last blog ..An Innside Look at Chocolate Gardening, Part 2
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