My heart is so heavy tonight and I just cannot seem to get past the emotions I am feeling. I tried to sleep but my tears won’t stop flowing and and the gut wrenching emotional pain is not letting up.
My 6 year old is the kind of boy I want with all of my heart to raise. He is the kid who when he pulls an opponents flag in flag football, he picks it up off the ground and hands it to the person he “tackled”. If one of his classmates forgets to bring an afternoon snack to school, he shares his snack with them. When his classmates are spending their reward tickets in their school store and one of them is short a bit of being able to get what they want, Jacob offers up some of his tickets to them. He is a kind and gentle boy with such a warm heart and I love him dearly for that.
We had parent teacher conferences this week and it came to no surprise to us when Jacob’s teacher shared with us how quiet and shy he is in class. He is succeeding in all of the academic areas… reading beyond where he needs to be, scoring high in math, etc. He is, however, painfully shy at school. His Kindergarten teacher brought this to our attention last year and we knew before then that he was shy around adults. He is such a rule follower at school and does not want to take any chances with getting into trouble. At home and with our neighbors and family, we see a different boy. A boy who is outgoing, who laughs a lot and who likes being right there in the middle of the action. It is sometimes hard for me to believe that the boy the teachers talk about and the boy at home are even the same child. Jacob does love school, which I am so happy about. When we are out of school on breaks, he is often anxiously counting down the days until he gets to go back.
When we asked Jacob’s teacher about his friends and recess, she said “Jacob is such a nice kid. At recess he is what I would call kind of a tag-a-long… he isn’t aggressive like the other boys, but he always tries to fit in and do things with the other students.” The concerned mom in me said, “He is playing with other kids though, right? He isn’t a loner playing off in a corner by himself, is he?” She assured us he wasn’t and that he just wasn’t as aggressive about getting into the center of things as some of the other boys.
Today out of the blue I decided to ask Jacob this question… “Jacob, are you ever lonely at school?”. His response shocked me as he has never let on to feeling alone at school. “All the time. I am lonely every single day at both of my recesses. Some of the kids are mean to me and I hate going to recess.” I tried to get more out of him… he named a few names and indicated that part of it was because he isn’t any good at kickball, which is apparently has taken over tag, which was the popular thing to play at the beginning of the school year. My.Heart.Broke. Right then in there, I wanted to snatch him up in my arms and shelter him from this world we live in. I wanted to put a magic shield around him so that he never had to feel alone again. I wanted him to know that someday…hopefully soon… his kindness and warm heart will matter so much more to the world than his ability to play kickball.
It is official…I hate recess now too. You can bet that each and every day, during those two periods in the day, my heart will be breaking all over again for my sweet boy and I will hope and pray that he is finding his way and is not feeling lonely.
Why does parenting have to leave us feeling so raw? I am certain that the pain he feels, I feel ten fold. I can only hope that he does not feel it as strong as I am feeling it.
I know that this isn’t my family blog and I typically reserve this type of post for that blog, but for now they are being combined until my mojo returns! I appreciate you listening… I feel better having had the opportunity to get my thoughts out there.
With that, I will leave you with a recipe. A recipe that is so simple… I could only wish that life were the same.
Garlic Shrimp Pasta (from Recipezaar)
30 min | 10 min prep
SERVES 6 -8
- 1 lb medium shrimp, deveined and tails removed
- 1 lb spaghetti noodles (more or less, depending on family size)
- 6-8 garlic cloves, according to personal taste, minced
- 1/4 cup butter
- olive oil (3 drizzles)
- italian seasoning
- fresh ground pepper
- red pepper flakes
- salt
- herbs (according to taste)
- (I added 1 cup of sliced fresh mushrooms)
- Boil pasta in water till tender, save 1 cup of pasta water for use later. I always put some oil, salt, and fresh herbs in with my pasta when I boil it. Drain and set aside when done.
- While pasta is boiling, wash shrimp.
- Melt butter over medium heat. Add shrimp.
- Let cook till a little pink and starting to curl. Then add garlic.
- Cook 5-7 min., add oil. Continue to stir till shrimp is pink and curled.
- Add pasta to skillet. Add seasonings. Add just enough saved pasta water till it is not dry but not swimming in liquid either. Depending on amount of pasta this requires 1/2 the cup or all of it. Start with adding 1/4 of it then work up from there.
- Keep tossing all ingredients around in skillet till all is incorporated and hot. Enjoy!
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My heart is breaking for both of you. It is so hard in the cruel world out there. My younest went through this. Painfully shy and a bit awkward out in the real world, and everything in you is screaming “No!”. Childhood should be simple and joyfull, I know. Hang in there. Play Kick ball with him so that maybe he can learn. Love on him. Invite someone over that he choose. Get to know some of the moms and see if you can’t help him make a friend through them. I have been known to create positive situations for my kids so they could get the feel of success. Hang in there, and just be there for him. Find an interest for him that he can get involved in, whether it be sports, or academic, or some kind of club. Have parties and become the cool mom.
Be proactive, that is the best thing at this age.
I bet your heart broke…
Children at times can be cruel with each other…
Loved your pasta, simple but delicious
I can’t offer too many wise words, never having been a parent, but it’s certainly hard being a kid and all kids go through real tough stuff growing up. It must be so hard to watch that though.
Pasta looks good, simple and comforting!
Hopies last blog post..Automne et une tarte pomme-poire/ Fall and Apple-Pear Pie
Kristin you are doing such a FANTASTIC job as a mother, so much so that it almost seems trite to try to give you advice about this, however, I couldn’t help but see so much of myself in your little boy!
I was lonely, a loner, shy, embarrassed, and completely unsure of myself as a kid. Again, I was completely different at home. I hated school {not like crazy longer style in a black cape, but you know what I mean!}. I didn’t feel like the other kids gave me the freedom to be who I really was inside.
You start school and immediately you are labeled and put into a box that you can’t escape until you are older and leave for college.
School days were INCREDIBLY difficult for me. But I grew so much as a person through those difficult times. I knew who I REALLY and TRULY was because I only had myself, my family, and my Lord to lean on. Others leaned on their friends and let the pettiness and bitchiness develop their shallow characters. I’m serious. I look back now on how much I was tried and tested, and I’m so grateful for those hard times that allowed me to be who I am as an adult. I almost hope my kids go through it, though it would make me so sad to think of them feeling like I did as a kid, the way your sweet son does.
I’m sorry, I know how difficult it must be to watch! I spent many an afternoon curled up in my mother’s lap bawling my eyes out.
But these days I have CONFIDENCE. I know I’m pretty, smart, funny. And I don’t ever have to revert back to the time when I let other people make me feel like I wasn’t those things. And I really feel it was only through the really difficult times that I built enough character to feel this way.
Keep up the good work, you always have the most permanent subjects on here and I love it!
Hot Garlics last blog post..Aye Yai Yai
I wish I knew how to whip it all away for you both. But please know I’m thinking of you and hope that your little man finds his way at school. He is a sweet, thoughful, loving boy and those are traits that will carry him far in this world!! ~Jen
Jennifer Mullinaxs last blog post..Sweet Angel….
Contrary to popular belief, a mother’s worst pain isn’t labor – it’s the hurts experienced by her children. You have a boy who will in all likelihood make a great husband and father someday, Kristen. You just keep reminding him that if other kids treat him badly, it says more about who they are than who he is. Hugs to you both!
Sandy Ss last blog post..Meyer Lemons in Season, in October, in New York! (Part 1)
I had the exact same feelings when my daughter was in kindergarten and 1st grade. I couldn’t understand why kids didn’t want to play with my wonderful, sensitive, nice girl. (she is now in middle school and that’s a whole other beast). It did pass. She did start playing with kids on the playground. It’s a hard transition from daycare or preschool or being home with mom. IT WILL GET BETTER!! Yes, kids are MEAN sometimes. It does break our hearts as mothers when we cannot alway be there to protect them. Hang in there!~
The social aspect of school, and how so many kids get left in the corner because of one reason or another, just breaks my heart too. It’s just one of many reasons that we chose to home school. It’s so hard to not want to go beat up some 5 yr old somewhere! I hope your little boy finds some friends. Btw – the recipe looks YUM!
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I just stumbled upon your blog from another site, and your post just hit home. My son, (who is now 19) was painfully shy and was bullied at school too. My heart just breaks for these kids that other kids seem to like to target. My son is a gentle, kind and considerate young man and I know your son will be the same. Hang in there…I hope things improve for your sweet boy. Hugs from a mom who’s been there.
Your post brought back so many memories for me of when my son (now 25) was in elementary school. He would come home every day and sit at the table with his cookies and milk and cry “I just want someone to be my friend. I just want one day where people don’t run away when I come in the room.” So I do feel your pain. We chose to homeschool for a few years because of some educational needs that were not being met but also to give him and his classmates some time to grow a little. Huge improvement when he entered 7th grade. He is now in college part-time, has a girlfriend, a full time job and feels very confident in who he is. He has good relationships with some close friends and his siblings. He will never be the social butterfly that some people are, but he’s happy, healthy and able to be successful in the adult world. I hope that encourages you even now.
My heart goes out to you and Jacob. Children are such a blessing but along with that blessing comes great vulnerability. Hang in there and be his advocate. Things change quickly and hopefully those changes will be for the better.
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Whats everyone doing for safety precautions for Halloween? My husband came across an article (http://i-newswire.com/pr220892.html) with some info about background checking neighbors. I thought that may be a little overboard, but it had some other good suggestions for some precautions I haven’t thought about. Last year my youngest son came down with a massive fever after Halloween. I almost thought about just taking the kids to our church’s fall festival this year instead of door-to-door to prevent that from happening again. I don’t know yet. What’s your advice? Am I over-reacting or just being a concerned mom?
I want to cry for you.
Hi,
So many before me have left thoughtful and insightful suggestions I won’t reiterate any of them. I did though want to take a moment to tell you that I hope it works out for your sweet and loving little boy. I’m certain with the great mama bear he has in his corner all will be well.
Take care.
~ingrid
ingrids last blog post..Twins………again!
Have you considered home education?
I’m not suggesting you remove him from the world. That’s not the point of home education.
In the words of our fine new President, “yes, you can change” his environment and surround him with like minded children. There are THOUSANDS of home educated families out there raising awesome citizens like your Jacob.
Home education nurtures the child’s desires to explore our world, grow real & lasting friendships, and learn to become a true, self educated, self motivated leaders.
No one and nothing grows when left in the dark. Don’t depend on a system to truly educate Jacob. Drop kick the static & noise.
God gave Jacob an awesome Mom & Dad to rear him. Step up and step out. Give Jacob the opportunities to grow with the gifts to which God has blessed him. Give him the life that fine tunes his mind & heart to be the servant leader he was born to be.
Pray, ask God Himself, what way Jacob should go. God has BIG plans for him, and HE needs your parenting to get him there.
Written with all my heart,
Jill
p.s. I won’t debate pros & cons.
The truth is the truth, regardless of who believes.
I know exactly what you are feeling. My son is the same way. He is now in 5th grade, but he still struggles. Luckily he goes to a small Catholic school and the children are pretty open minded. He does not have a real friend in his class. I want so much to fix it for him, but I cannot. The principal, a nun, is very good with him. She builds him up and he loves her. All the kids respect her.
I just spoke to her last week about this (again). She has assured me that he will be fine and that some people just struggle with these things and they find their way. Hopefully it builds character, keep the conversation going. That is the best way for him to get into the habit of talking about it and keep your eyes open for depression.
Best of Luck!
Kristen
Kristens last blog post..Herbed POPCORN
I completely understand. My oldest, 8, is a great kiddo and at the end of 2nd grade I found out she was walking around the playground crying!!! ugh! my heart broke.. why?? why was she so sad and being by herself?? it was all due to one little girl who bullied.. she still considers this little girl a friend.. boy. talk about turning the other cheek.. it killed me…
she will learn… the hard way I am afraid… so sorry to hear your boy is so sad.. I will pray for him too.
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Hi. I just found this post while randomly wandering through food blogs, and felt I had to comment. Your description of Jacob’s experiences in elementary school sounds exactly like what I was like as a kid. I didn’t talk much, got picked on by some of the kids on the playground, cried because I didn’t fit in, and even had one of the teachers ask if I had “problems at home” because I was so quiet. But once I hit middleschool I started getting exposed to a wider pool of people, and started making friends. By highschool I had a pretty steady (albeit quiet) social life, and was perfectly happy on that front. And from what I hear, that’s pretty typical of the kids that are a little strange (strange in that awesome, geeky way I mean
. So, hard as it is, it will almost certainly get better for him as he grows up. 
I, too, sit here with a heavy heart after a night of holding my 8-year-old son while he cried. He is lonely on the playground due to his not being able to get his morning work done, he has to stay inside until he finishes it. By the time he goes out, everyone is paired up and playing. He is in his own child with his own ideas and thoughts about things and is content to entertain himself; however, he is heartbroken at being alone all of the time. He plays basketball and baseball. He is an only child – much to my heartbreak. When I ask if he wants to have someone over, he normally just shrugs. He is a one-friend kind of kid and if that friend is out or playing with someone else he is lost. I am glad to see that I am not the only one whose heart breaks at the loneliness of their child.
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