Somebody please smack me!

I’m looking for some help from all of you. The next time you hear me talking about maybe having another child, please sit me down, smack me a few times, and remind me of this day. Today has been one of those days… you know… one of those day’s where you hope that no one asks to see your qualifications for motherhood. One of those days where the hustle and bustle of the corporate world actually seems appealing. One of those days where you say “Can someone please commit me to the mental ward, NOW?”

The girls both had their doctor’s appointments today. Ella for her 6 month checkup and Kelly for her 3 year checkup. These visits are never fun. First of all, our doctor’s office is 30 minutes away, which in my world is about as far as Canada. Secondly, both girls were going to be getting shots. Thirdly (is thirdly even a word?), is it ever fun to take 3 children under the age of 5 anywhere in public with just one adult? 3kids.jpg

I’m driving along, cruising down the interstate when I hear Jacob from the back seat say “Mommy, Kelly’s unbuckled.” Sure enough, I look back and my little 3 year old MacGyver is completely unbuckled. She didn’t only unbuckle her 3 point harness, but she also unbuckled the buckle that keeps her car seat in place. How in the world she had done that while sitting in her seat is beyond me. I couldn’t believe it. So, I pull over on the side of the road with cars zooming by at 75 mph. I climb in back, give her a big lecture about how dangerous that is, how to never, ever do that again, yadda yadda yadda. Then I try to get the seat buckled back in. Well, apparently you can’t do it without taking the seat completely out and starting over. I’m sure my blood pressure was off the charts by the time I was done with this little fiasco.

Next, we finally pull into the parking lot of the doctor’s office. As I was unbuckling, I hear Jacob say from his seat in the back, “Mommy, my tummy hurts.” Then, before I can say anything, he is puking. Puking all over himself, the seat in front of him, my new dry clean only coat, etc. Luck was on my side because he did manage to miss getting his sisters and my open purse, but that’s about it. Everything else was fair game.

I sat in my car trying to decide what to do. Should I still take the girls in for their appointments or should we just head back home. I decided, after talking to Jacob and finding out that he felt like he was done throwing up, to go on in to the doctor’s office.

Besides the wretched puke smell filling our appointment room, the appointment went well. Kelly has gained a whopping 3 pounds in the past year. Ella has gained 2 pounds in the past month (she’s now 16 pounds). They are both healthy girls.

Things took a turn for the worse when Betsy, our nurse, came in to give Kelly her one vaccination and Ella her 5 shots. Kelly was really brave, cried just for a second, and was pleased when she got her Bugs Bunny Band-Aid. Ella, on the other hand, was not a happy camper at the end of the appointment. She was angry and was letting the entire world know it. (Did you hear her?) As I was checking out, waiting in line behind 2 other families, Ella was still expressing her unhappiness. It was just about my turn, when a little girl who couldn’t be any older than 5 years old, walked up to me and with attitude galore said “Excuse me, but do you think that you could possibly calm your baby down?” Seriously… with my mouth hanging wide open in disbelief, I wanted to smack her. It was just the topping on an already over the top with stress morning.

So, friends and family, I know the day will come when I remember back to the sweet baby days of my children. I’ll remember the toothless grins, the snuggles on the couch, the rocking to sleep, the sweet baby giggles. It is possible that this day of hell might be erased in my memory. If you every hear me get the baby pangs, please oh please…remind me of this day, the day that a 5 year old girl had to put me in my place about my mothering. If that’s not a sign that 3 is enough for me, I don’t know what is.

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Comments

  1. pat/mom says

    Kris, you should write a book! I mean it. This blog should turn into a published volume ala (is that what I mean) Please Don’t Eat the Daisies. It is soooofunny !. Of course, I am your mother

  2. Karen Beth says

    I agree with your Mom… YOU SHOULD WRITE A BOOK! This had me LAUGHING so hard, even though my hysterical laughter was at the expense of your hard day (I’m sorry!) SOOOO funny! I can’t believe the little attitudinal 5yo! WOW!!! Who was she… Diana Ross’ daughter?

  3. Waterfall Nymph says

    Oh! That 5 year old! Is there nothing in the world as annoying as one of those tiny know-it-alls? And their parents always seem to be smiling in the background, "Isn’t she so cute?"
    In fiction, Jacob should have turned and thrown up all over her, then you all could have departed in a blaze of glory.
    Hope today is better!

  4. Diamond says

    How funny! Yes, I realize it wasn’t funny at the time, but retrospect is kind, isn’t it? Days like that surely do make you thankful you don’t have more kids! Nice writing. I agree..we would love to have a book!

  5. Kristen says

    Mom – Thanks for the vote of confidence, which I would only expect since you are my mom :) I’ve come a long way since Mrs Callahan’s third grade class, but I’m no where near the book writing league.

    KB – I hope that little brat of a 5 year old remembers this moment, 25 years down the road when someone in the store glares at her for having a crying baby :)

    Waterfall – OH… that would have been golden.. Jacob puking on HER! Imagine her face then. I think I’ll just re-write the story in my head and pretend it happened that way :)

    Diamond – Two days later, I can actually say that it was funny. I wouldn’t want to do that day again, but can now appreciate the humor :)

  6. Lisa : ) says

    Sorry your day went all wacky! This had me cracking up out loud! I wonder–does Kelly have any shoes with buckles? (Maybe she’s been practicing?) How on earth did that little toot free herself?!
    And when did five-year-olds become so conversant (is that the right word? She’d probably know!)?!?!
    Hope li’l Jacob is feeling better (not to mention you for having such a trying day!!!).
    :)
    Your kiddos look so sweet in that pic! So cute!!!

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